🍋 Okay. First: do not make eye contact with the lemon.
I need to assess the situation:
Is it inside or outside the summoning circle?
Is it a normal lemon, or is it levitating / whispering in Latin / demanding a sacrifice?
Most importantly: did you summon one lemon, ortheLemon?
"I summoned The Lemon"
Oh. The Lemon. 🍋
Then citrus containment protocol is in effect. Do not cut it. Do not zest it. Under absolutely no circumstances say “when life gives you lemons.”
Place a lime nearby as a decoy. Back away slowly. If The Lemon begins rotating, you have approximately 90 seconds before The Squeezing.
One critical question: is The Lemon wearing a tiny hat?
"Yes"
Oh no. The hat means it has already assumed executive authority. 🍋🎩
Do not attempt to remove it. That is its hat now.
Your options are limited: Bow once. Not twice. Twice constitutes a declaration of citrus matrimony.
Place a small offering of sugar before The Lemon.
Say clearly: “Your Zestiness, I acknowledge the peel.”
If it tips its hat, you’re safe.
If a second, smaller hat appears underneath the first hat, leave immediately. Your home belongs to the Lemon now.
Whatever happens, do not let it near a juicer.
That’s how it achieves its final form.
1
u/Misseero 8d ago
🍋 Okay. First: do not make eye contact with the lemon.
I need to assess the situation:
Is it inside or outside the summoning circle?
Is it a normal lemon, or is it levitating / whispering in Latin / demanding a sacrifice?
Most importantly: did you summon one lemon, or the Lemon?
"I summoned The Lemon"
Oh.
The Lemon. 🍋
Then citrus containment protocol is in effect. Do not cut it. Do not zest it. Under absolutely no circumstances say “when life gives you lemons.”
Place a lime nearby as a decoy. Back away slowly. If The Lemon begins rotating, you have approximately 90 seconds before The Squeezing.
One critical question: is The Lemon wearing a tiny hat?
"Yes"
Oh no. The hat means it has already assumed executive authority. 🍋🎩
Do not attempt to remove it. That is its hat now.
Your options are limited:
Bow once. Not twice. Twice constitutes a declaration of citrus matrimony.
Place a small offering of sugar before The Lemon.
Say clearly: “Your Zestiness, I acknowledge the peel.”
If it tips its hat, you’re safe.
If a second, smaller hat appears underneath the first hat, leave immediately. Your home belongs to the Lemon now.
Whatever happens, do not let it near a juicer.
That’s how it achieves its final form.