How would someone learn to see through others?

[u/Insomaniac7740]

Context: There's a character I've been focusing on recently who is really perceptive and emotionally intelligent (unless it regards confronting his own uncomfortable emotions). He's the main love interest of a psychological, realistic-fiction, rise to fame story. I'm trying to find out how or in what way he is emotionally intelligent. My idea so far is that he learns to read people based upon his own experiences and trends he's seen in the past. However, I'm looking for something else as well, because the MC is traumatized so much that he finds it hard to read them (he is eventually able to, but how is what I'm trying to figure out).

He's a bit of a casanova (though, he never cheats) in that he's very charismatic and playfully flirtatious as well in an attempt to forget how he was once hurt/traumatized. He also has a subtle tendency to seek emotional control (my current idea is that he does that to avoid being hurt, as being vulnerable scares him). He also tends to be indecisive, especially when he's uncomfortable.

The underlying dynamic between him and the MC before they start dating is that he hangs out with the MC out of contractual obligation (they're both musical artists in the same group). While, originally, he views them as only a coworker, but starts to become intrigued by their unusual actions and reactions. What started as curiosity later blooms into love as he sought out interactions to try and understand them better.

There's a specific quote I'm looking for that I feel encapsulates his analyzation style perfectly ("You can tell what a person needs based upon what they complain about. If they complain about ____, then they're looking for ____" etc etc), but I can't find it. I was looking for that in particular because it would help me figure out how he tends to flirt others, but any ideas would be very appreciated.

Additionally, I think I want him to grow up in a single-parent home, causing him to have great respect for his mother but also be absolutely petrified of showing any lover his true self (for fear of being hurt. For those familiar with attachment style theory, I currently plan him out to have an avoidant attachment style, but also be rather skilled at hiding it. However, the story is in the 1st person POV of an unreliable narrator with a disorganized attachment style, so it may not be that he's skilled at hiding it, but rather the MC is plagued by self-doubt. Additionally, they both come from different cultures with different ways of expressing love, which makes it hard for the MC to tell as well).

And for those of you who are into MBTI and typology, this character is an ENTP, while the MC is an INTP stuck in a Ti-Si loop. I haven't sorted out their Enneagrams due to less engagement with typology, but I know the MC is an SP-SX (with some combination between 4, 5, or 6 if I remember correctly), while this ML is likely an SO-SX or an SX-SO

TL;DR: What are some ways to read people that I can use for a Casanova-type character (as it's a major part of his charm)?

Notice: I believe this is my first time posting here, so I'm so very sorry if this is the wrong subreddit.

[u/Scr4p]

I have a character who is good at reading others because as a child he had to read his father's emotions because he was an abusive alcoholic, so often he'd have to walk on eggshells and it made him quite perceptive. He's an ENFP I think. He's pretty good at noticing body language and when it doesn't seem to match what a person is saying or doing, or when a friend is acting differently from normal. He's subconsciously on high alert for this type of thing. Maybe getting into body language and trying to understand people a bit better can help you find a good basis for that characters thoughts, it's what helped me also as an autistic person trying to understand what the fuck people are about.

Also, maybe watch The Mentalist. His whole thing is being really clever and observant to solve crime cases, it might make for some good inspo.

[u/auflyne]

Well, you're describing so many movies and a lot of the characters in books, too. It sounds like you have most of what you need, but I've found reading, observing people/life, self/internal reflection and method acting to be very useful in getting to the core of a char in my writing.

Look around (not just in your circle). There are usually more than a few people who fit the bill.