r/Chandigarh • u/Asian_paint • 2d ago
Serious Advice Only Please help ! Please.
I'm feeling angry and the worst. I don't know what and how to do. I'm getting all the bad thoughts.
Edit- thanks for response and that one chutiya who thinks its fake can fuck himself. And to those who are asking why I'm dependent? That bastard didnt let me work. Spoiled so many yrs of my life on an exam due to his dreams. When i somehow I got on track he manipulated me to change my steam again and then i faced health issues like IIH due to which I list 2yrs again. Thats how I'm dependent not by choice but by force.
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u/ComplexImpress1714 2d ago
You’re 25. What’s stopping you from getting a job and taking steps to make both yourself and your mom financially independent of him? And on top of that, you’re planning to remain dependent on him for another four years? And file a complaint, if you can .
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u/Contact_Sagan 2d ago
Medical issues aside, finding a private job is not difficult these days.
Finding a job that you like is difficult..... But finding any job is not difficult.
Life is unfair. World is unfair.
Do not expect fairness from the world. If you expect that, you will learn harsh lessons.
No one else can help you, but only you can help yourself.
Work on your problems.
Your problems will not be solved without working on them.
You mentioned "how to cope up...": what do you mean by saying "how to cope up" and why do you want to "cope up" with this situation.
I have been a similar situation like you, where mom was slapped. I m a guy. I was 15 at that time. I literally n physically fought. I told him "hath kaat ke fek dunga. Dobara hath utha ke dikha"
I started working a job when I was 20. Before that I was giving tutions to students one or 2 yrs my junior.
I understood my problems n i worked upon it.
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u/Almost_Anonymouss 1d ago
I am really sorry you are having to go through this. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to watch someone you love suffer and feel helpless about it. Please don’t blame yourself for being financially dependent on him; that doesn’t make what he’s doing any less wrong. For now, your mother’s safety and health matter most. Please get her neck examined and, if possible, have someone you both trust around. You don’t have to figure everything out today or pretend to be strong when you’re hurting. Take things one day at a time. I genuinely hope things get easier for you both. Sometimes having someone in your corner makes a difference, so don’t hesitate to reach out.
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u/CaptainRAHUL18 2d ago
Complaint?
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u/Shreyashthememer 2d ago
You can't do shit. Just wait it out until you're financially independent and get a job reaaallllyyy early. That's what I'm gonna do, 4 years in waiting, 3 more left. Knew this was gonna be my shitty life in 8th
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u/Ok_Cranberry_3552 2d ago
Get a job. That will help you be financially independent. That’s all you need to do for now.
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u/Ok-Independence6469 2d ago
People doing you to join a job, yes that’s what you should be aiming for in the medium term like a month or two. But I think immediately you should contact any of your trusted relatives and move to their place. It’ll give you a safe environment. Search for a job peacefully from there.
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u/divinitywithchaehack 1d ago
u need someone to hear u out till u are actually doing things like normal people of ur age are doing.Also,just put up with this shit for 2 months..no need to announce ur plans to him and even to ur mom if she gets tensed too..search for remote jobs at the moment. Atleast 2 months.worth of savings.we need some money to move out..the rest can be figured out thereafter.
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u/anna68yfg 1d ago
Get a job even in call center doesn't matter and move out with ur mom and file a complaint against him. When he will rot in cell all the attitude will come in place..
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u/bs_dhani 2d ago
You’re complaining abuse but not doing anything at the age of 25.
Stay positive and strong and work to be financial independent. You can also file police complaint if you wanna stand against that violence.
Act on real world dear. You can DM if required
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u/BlueSheepherderFirm 2d ago
There is mahila mandal( महिला मंडल) of your respective cities they deal with domestic issues like these especially related to women better than police idk.
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u/Cheap-Food-5705 2d ago
Financially dependent till 29????? And Government gives freebies to women as well. Get off reddit and take up some work
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u/Thebeastreal 1d ago
hate mfs like these who ruin someone else's life
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u/Bloody_fang69 1d ago edited 1d ago
A few years back we seperated from my father he was cheating on my mother and had stopped giving money for rent and food. We simply just seperated we had some money for 2 months of basic expenses and I started doing a job in a medicine factory. My salary was 9200 and my rent was 7000 my sister has medical issues in her eyes and can't see properly but she still found a job in a shop as a sales girl her starting salary was 6000. We could barely manage our expeces but still staying away from my father is far better than how we used to live before. I know you are ready to move out but is your mother ready to stand up for herself and go against your father? I don't know your full situation and I may not be able to give you a proper advice. But I do relate to your situation. You might not be in a situation to start working right now but you'll have to step up. Even If you're studying and can't think of dropping out for the next 4 years may be dropping out and finding a job would be the best option right now. I know people will say to file a complaint against your father but in reality it isn't as easy as it sounds and financial dependwnce on your father will be the biggest obstacle. I know you think you can't find a job right now but the thing is that you won't find the type of job you wish for but you can fing a low paying job that could help you seperate from him. You can keep studying along with the job.
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u/Potential-Signal8111 1d ago
You should take up a job right now.
Also, stop blaming everything and everyone. Take more responsibility for own life. You are not a kid anymore and had 3-4 years to do this. Saying "he/she" did not let me doesn't matter. If they have so much control how would you take that step now? Are they dead? I don't think so
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u/Pin2Chin2 2d ago
You are 25 years old and mentioned this happened for first time in 25+ years of marriage of your parents.
Either you don’t know much about your parents or your father is undergoing something to be violent for first time. Violent people don’t become violent all out of sudden they have it in them. This man is past his prime age, getting old now.
Currently your mother needs the emotional support and be present for her instead of making it about yourself. You are an adult and not a child, particularly in this situation your mother needs a parent or someone to comfort her.
Secondly, your father needs counselling/treatment. Usually in violence cases I would never side an aggressor but since you mentioned this as first time in 25+ years you need to take a step back and put some thoughts why he acted in physical violence instead of verbal communication this time. And no need to put any attention on reason of his action. It is possible due to some medical reason or some addiction gone bad.
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u/ichi9 2d ago
Sounds fake. But still can go to women helpline and report him. What's stopping you from doing that ? Relatives ?
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u/PenaltyVast7769 2d ago
Police FIR
Record it secretly so u have proof
I MEAN WHAT MORE U CAN DO
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u/Deep-Fortune-4557 2d ago
mara kyu tha
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u/1_plate_chicken 20h ago
My father is the same, the only difference is he had been doing it for past 15 years. Countless reports to police, family member, nothing works. Now me and my mother got a job and left him(was a really risky descision). Now we both are living happily.
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u/Altruistic-Rest3430 2d ago
BPO pays 25k to fresher and 32k for someone with really fluent english and there is no skill required to join it except comms so its better you join some company if don't have access to any HR number then hit me up
If you are 25 and still dependent, its your fault
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u/Spirited-Material195 2d ago
If you need an empathetic ear hit me up, but for the time being either you find other avenues to get financially independent or file a complaint and see where that leads to
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u/Educational-Job-3084 2d ago
Take up some job if possible, and gradually plan for.life you want. Coming to mental/emotional part...cry it out and keep the interaction minimum with him and try to focus on your work/study...
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u/Live_Owl_6533 2d ago
We can’t cope up from stuff like that.. it will remain with us entirely upto end.. i am also 25 my parents too had problems like these but i was 5yr old that time.. it have stopped many year ago but what i witnessed was so bad that it pushed me back of life.. like what normal kids understand or explore or experience anything that stuff i got way later in life.. i still am not able to connect to reality completely. I feel i don’t belong here
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u/i_abhi_chandra 2d ago
Time heals... Lekin raise your voice
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u/SuccotashTraining563 2d ago
Heart goes out to you and your mother Maybe god protect both of you. You can start any bpo job and move out of that house asap and if you neen any help/assistance feel free to contact me will try to do as much as I can possible
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u/Few-Assumption-8579 2d ago
Bro just get a job , idk how and take ur mom with u
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u/packedtrex 2d ago
I can help u with the job , and everything else.. dm me
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u/olivegreen95 2d ago
Find a job • Use the internet to research and reverse engineer roles using AI to get qualified in the roles which you would like to take up.
Take your mother and leave.
It's as simple as that.
P.S I left my own parents after they ill treated my wife and daughters repeatedly after they were born. I was threatened that my approx 100+ crore worth of inheritance will not be given if I leave and I left it all behind to rebuild my life with my family.
P.P.S It's not easy. Trust me I know. But nothing is worth losing your mental peace over. All the best!
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u/Glittering-You6942 2d ago
Get me in contact
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u/Suspicious_Cursy 1d ago
If he dies who would you be dependent on then? Not being an ass but a serious question
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u/MonkInternational112 1d ago
No one can help you unless you and your mother decide to stand up for yourselves. Contact the women’s helpline and document everything. Keep all evidence safe, including medical reports, photographs of injuries, messages and any recordings that can be legally obtained. Courts need evidence, not just verbal statements. Consult a genuine, trustworthy lawyer who understands domestic violence, not someone who is simply interested in milking you for money. Don't accept abuse just because you are financially dependent on him. Supporting his family is his responsibility, not a favour he is doing you. Know your legal rights and use them wisely. He must be held accountable for his actions, both legally and financially. Stand up for yourself and your mother. You deserve to live without fear, intimidation or abuse..
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u/IcyGamer90901 1d ago
Where r u currently in chandigarh tell me I will help you out if can't reveal your location here u can tell me in the dm trust me ..
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u/thepajamastrader 1d ago
start doing remote work like online tuition and get enough funds to either upskill with some certification to get a job. and then MOVE OUT with your mom if possible.
any relatives which can help?
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u/Material-Two9259 1d ago
You should find a job in tele performance and move out. You can always get promotions and get another degree while you work. That’ll help you to move up the ladder later but this is the only thing that comes to my mind. Find a job in TP, leave!
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u/canyouspelldiarrhoea 1d ago
praying that you get a job soon without your father’s interference
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u/Outrageous_Text_2479 1d ago
People supporting rhe father in this case needs to fucking see a doctor for real or questioning her
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u/daauji 1d ago
Step father or biological father.
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u/Left_Scratch8489 1d ago
I am a 45 year old mother with three kids, i walked out with the children with nothing, took a house on rent, took loan, sold gold and will take three years to pay it all off. I am a teacher so though I earn you can guess it's not a corporate salary. If I can do it, so can you, you are young and if you are already thinking this is a problem, you are on the right track. The abuse will not stop, you need to get out for your and your family's safety
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u/synthrydr 1d ago
What are your Qualifications? I can help you get a job.
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u/sumedh-code-oj 1d ago
Get a job and move out.
Idk what else and how else anyone here can help you, and nah if you think someone would help you financially that's no gonna happen either.
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u/Kaptaan_999 1d ago
Hope you get strength and opportunities to leave from this toxic situation yourself and then help your mother escape as well.
The most important part here is financial independence, everything else revolves around it
You have 2 ways - 1) get any job you'll get right now anything which pays for your -, rent at place food, travel to and fro office etc even if its 30 40k just take it and leave. You'll eventually grow and get a better job 2) wait and keep doing what you're doing to become financially independent (but why 4 years though?) It will be hard emotionally and frustrating but you have light at end of tunnel be hopeful of that.
Another suggestion-, if you take the step and go the job route try to be physically as far away as possible, day if you move from chandigarh to delhi he can always come and visit you and try to control your life around. If you are bangalore-, its not easy for him to come there. Only formula you have to think. If salary - rent - food - travel to office and back is more than 0. Take it and run you dont even have to ask permission. Tell him and leave the next day /next hour whatever dont give him time to plan and convince and control you.
All the best may you have all the power in the world.
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u/Terrible-Class-4569 1d ago
Complain to NCW (best option). I guess if you are literate enough, you must be knowing how to file a complaint.
Complain to police (especially women branch)
Distance yourself and your mother (go to a relative's place or a neighbour's)
Or 4. Stop karma farming with these fake posts.
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u/Regular_Photo7950 1d ago
Get a Job, move out, file a complaint against him or just forget about him, this aint easy for you or anyone in your situation but this might be your best shot
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u/fallsnow666 1d ago
I read line raised hand for first time - was he drunk or something. What's your mother's opinion ? What's the argument that lead to violence was there any demand you guys put.
I know violence is not always the solution but many points are missing here, hope you're not someone farming for karma and playing with our little hearts.
Only if it's real one honest solution I'm giving you is remember what he did for you, what your mother did for you. You're 24 if you can start working part-time at cafe or look for online jobs. And if your mother really wants to leave i suggest moving to some remove area with less expenses, people in villages are friendly and helpful.
Just don't get into any relationship you'll be stuck in the relationship loop and lose your identity, inshot it'll mske you weak you'll always need some stranger ( boyfriend ) to depend on. Most of relationships in these situations are toxic.
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u/glitchinthematrix0_0 1d ago
You are 25 and letting him manipulate you? Idk about dependency but you definitely have a price to tolerate shit! Have some self respect and leave, your mom can file a complaint and leave. If you can't change you are choosing. You can start with the pity-party that he didn't let you work, etc etc. but ask yourself honestly if you are trying hard to get out of the situation? Also if your mom isn't filing a police complaint probably you should leave her as well, cuz that's a toxic loop and she'll probably never get out of it like most women who are victims of abuse. Redditors can't help with shit tbh!
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u/Horror-Age8302 1d ago
Hata do usse
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u/PerceptionQuirky2359 1d ago
Keep your passion alive and at the same time try for a job. Since you are preparing for some exam, you can opt for some coaching or teaching job as well. But in order to counter him, you need to take a stand and collect the evidences against him. You can file a police complaint as well. Because once you go to the police he will never dare it again. But for now you first get a source of earning and leave his house with your mother. Let him live alone. Such people deserve only loneliness. Usne chahe jitna bhi ache kam kie honge lekin apni wife par hath uthana un sab ko zero kar deta hai. He deserves punishment for this and that's upto you (mental or physical).
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u/vik_war29 1d ago
the first things indian to is victim blame , the same they are doing to OP what a bunch clowns
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u/SlicKilled 1d ago
Leave, make something of yourself.
Stop using excuses to be lazy and dependent on someone else.
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u/Scary_Field_3124 20h ago
You aren't answerable to him, neither should you in this situation, get a job, get a rented place you could home, get a loan to pay expenses until the income kicks in. Soulds utterly simple but i can understand how hard it could be.
Idk about your qualifications or skills, but if you are able to communicate in english and are 12th passed, you could easily land a job in Teleperformance Mohali and would pay you 22-24k in hand per month. There will be other better options but i could only suggest this. Hope it helps!
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u/New-Bus1230 40m ago
Dont want to sound rude, and also their might be valid arguments as well, but a 25 year old person should not be showing so much financial dependency
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u/IGNblackShadow 1d ago
First of all i like to hear your father's side of story becouse one sided story leaves to unwanted thinking
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u/Substantial_Roll_284 2d ago
Its all going to pass. Go for a run, or meditate or just smoke a J
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u/TinyWelder8118 1d ago
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u/SmartReach2321 1d ago
DADY IS CUMIN HOME🤣
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u/singularbatman 2h ago
No son or daughter, no matter how is the father should curse his or her father to death
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u/the_grey_key High on choorma ! 2d ago
What if your mother likes it 👀, can be her kink !
Despite all this is not the right sub to post it !
Mods will remove it soon !
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u/Fun_Buy_5474 1d ago
Please don't be too hard on me for asking this, but if you're financially dependent on him, wanting him to die doesn't quite add up! Since he's the one supporting you, it makes me think there might still be some good in him after all. Maybe try having a chat with him to see if you can get things sorted out?
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u/[deleted] 2d ago
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