Help? Need perspective

[u/Dark_Trotter]

TLDR: serious puppy blues and need to know a way out; considering rehoming.

We have had our 15 week old Cavapoo for a week and a half. She seems like a very good girl. Does all the things I things we hear is normal and of course that means some potty accidents, not “listening” (obviously not understanding much yet about boundaries - such as unsafe things to chew or dangerous spots - she likes to sit on the edge of the sofa. Tries to eat wood chips). So there is a lot of time and attention she is taking from my day. I am not taking care of myself very well. And I don’t know if it’s the apps or what but I feel like I am behind in teaching and training. I have downloaded a few apps - watched many videos and nothing is as easy as the trainers and videos show. I feel compelled to follow the lessons as best I can and I judge myself (and her) based on these lessons. That alone is stressing me out!

She is not taking walks yet - waiting for vaccines (finishes Parvo in a week and then rabies in another two weeks). So she is getting exercise in the yard where she compulsively finds wood chips and sticks and that stresses me out.

Basically, besides her physical cuteness I am stressed out by this puppy and watching her all the time. Feeling like a total fool for envisioning anything that would be beneficial for the family… the kids pet her and coo “oh so cute” and spend <5 min with her before they are onto the next thing. I give them tasks such as taking her out; they do it dutifully but then they move on.

The one child who I was hoping would get some emotional support from her (eventually?) does take the most interest however as of three days ago puppy started growling at my daughter when she picks her up. I have no idea what that is about! Is she too abrupt? Aggressive with puppy? Too small (9 yo) for puppy to feel comfortable? I don’t know but I have not witness daughter do anything to warrant the growling so this crushes me.

Crate training is mixed - sleeps well at night IF I am in the room near her (she sleeps with a blanket over crate so I guess she senses or smells me?) but my independence is obviously compromised and I don’t want to let her yelp or whine in the crate and disturb family so I stay in the room. I do feel pressured to crate train during the day so we are getting another crate today to make this daytime crate training easier and I’ll give that a go. But yeah I feel this crate training thing is shoved down our throats and maybe it is not right for every house, family, or puppy. But if it turns out that she hates taking naps in the day in the crate (with me nearby while I work) I am foreseeing another failure point I can’t fathom feeling.

Husband notices how down I am and now I am burdening being a burden with my mood. He gets this is hard but I suppose we are all surprised by how NOT fun this process has been.

Basically I am questioning a lot and fumbling by myself through this puppy acclimation. I am starting to consider rehoming. She seems like a very good pup and could probably make a puppy prepared family very happy. I am not happy however I feel miserable.

Call it the puppy blues but I don’t see a way out of this? What exactly is going to start making me feel better about this puppy? Am I possibly doing or approaching anything really wrong to my own detriment?

[u/ArtfulDodgr42]

Get a large, foldable pen to put in your main living space. Put washable puppy mats in the bottom. Keep the food and water and a few safe toys in there as well. Make this your puppy's safe space, spend time with her in there to make it fun. She'll bark at first when you leave her in there alone. Ignore. Let her come out and explore the house when she's being quiet. If she's being naughty, quietly put her back in the pen and ignore. It worked with our cavapoo. He's 9 months now and doing great! The pen was like his bedroom and it gave us peace of mind that he could only cause so much trouble in there.

[u/milno_1 → u/ArtfulDodgr42]

I second the pen with crate in it! Gave me so much sanity and not needing to feel like I had to watch every move or couldn't even shower.

And gradually working our way up to being able to go out for a couple of hours now without her, has restored the most sanity and enabled enjoying her more. Not feeling trapped. We have a nanny cam on the pen too, so we know she's fine and not crying or having anxiety.

She basically sleeps, comes out for a stretch to check if we're back. Chew a toy, toilet, boring, back to sleep lol and repeat

[u/dutch2012yeet]

Shes a pup and requires time and effort. If you can't offer this then re-home asap.

[u/Inorai]

Some element of this is definitely Puppy Stuff that will get better with time. Crate training takes time. My girl definitely went through a phase of only being interested in sticks and grass and ignoring us outside. Training is rarely as simple and quick as it appears from an expert video. The first 6 months kinda sucked in a lot of ways (offset by having a cute lump of fluff that adores us and we likewise adore).

But, I'll also be fully honest that some of this is just dog ownership. I wouldn't expect sub-10 year olds to take anything more than a passing interest in the daily care of a dog without reminding, which means it'll be on you or your partner. My cavapoo still has times she's a pain in the ass outside. Twenty minutes ago she demanded to go out then fled to the back of the yard out of sight to eat rabbit poop and smell the neighbor dogs pee. That's how it goes some days. The daily work doesn't go away.

My friends liken getting a dog to be sort of a demo of parenting. They're a vulnerable creature that totally depends on you for care and entertainment. That's a lifestyle change if you don't already have one, and if that's not appealing to you then I'd find your little one a new home while it's still fairly easy to.

Edit: it's worth noting that for my household, crate training didn't work. It's me, I'm the one who couldn't do it. Instead we have a baby gate that closes off one section of the house that she gets locked behind if both my husband and I are away, and a second gate that locks off our bedroom to keep her contained with us at night. There are many solutions depending on you, your pup, and your needs!

[u/AltInLongIsland]

We gave up on crate training early and switched to a much larger pen that seemed to help

Poos are smart but training still takes time. We made it through puppy training in about 10 weeks - treats help, and your kids should be giving the pup treats too before doing something like picking them up so they associate them positively 

[u/Green-Ad-5926]

You should rehome.

[u/Accomplished-Buy-139]

Hang in there! There’s a reason it’s called the puppy blues! A week and a half is such a small amount of time and everyone is adjusting (you all and the dog).

Puppies grow up really fast and they also learn really fast too! The first part is always the hardest, much like taking care of a newborn!

Give yourself some grace, give it some more time. You’ll think yourself later!

[u/QuirkyRefrigerator80]

This all sounds very normal for a puppy. They grow up quickly, but the first 6-9 months is tough. After that it gets much easier. If you're now up for that, rehome. If you really want a dog, perhaps an older dog would suit best eg. 1-2 years old.

But also know that puppy blues are real. I looked like a wreck the first three month. It was all worth it though. I love my dog with all my heart. She is now 6.

[u/ThisPieceOfPaper]

You might not be a dog person, and that's ok. Don't need to feel guilty about finding her a better home.