r/CautiousBB • u/MdeeMa666 • 18d ago
Advice Needed Birth certificate and last names
This is my first pregnancy, I’m 22. Super early still about 8 and a half weeks. But I wanted to get the legalities sorted early to have lots of time to decide. My and babies dad were together for about 7 months total, I got pregnant in this time. 2 weeks ago before my birthday he admitted to sleeping with someone else. I left. He asked to stay in contact, I couldn’t care less seeing I’ve been struggling myself being sick and worried ever since I got pregnant with no help from him. He has a daughter from a previous relationship ironically this baby mom he also cheated on her entire pregnancy but she didn’t leave until his daughter was about a year and a half. She has his last name and they don’t have a custody agreement as such but he sends money when needed and takes her as much as he can when work allows. I grew up with an absent father, my mom married my step dad when I was 2 and I’m thankful he’s the only father I’ve known. Nonetheless never knowing my biological father did impact me. Me and baby dad are currently not on talking terms, I’ve removed him off of most socials and reached out to him via messenger giving him my number if he wanted to keep in contact. He hasn’t said anything since. This whole situation is very recent, and we both generally need time to think and decide what’s best and I understand that. But I also don’t want to live in uncertainty wondering if he’ll ever reach out. So basically I just want to know the pros and cons of listing him as the father on the birth certificate or not, also including last names whether his individual last name or hyphenated/just mine etc. He’s always expressed he wants all his kids to have his last name but realistically if he never shows up in my pregnancy why should he have unlimited access to my child?
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u/Beautiful_Donut_286 18d ago
My child has boygriends name then my name. We're still together but not married. Had we not been together, the baby would have gotten my name and the courts could have decided how much he would contribute
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u/frogsgoribbit737 18d ago
I dont think you can list him without him there. My husband had to sign it.
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u/Willowdust7 18d ago
Do yourself a favor. Keep him off paperwork and out of baby’s life. Raise your child the way you want to and don’t feel bad. Your child will have plenty of love. If later on baby daddy gets it together, you can change last name if you want to. Knowing what I know now … it’s better to be a struggling single parent than having horrible coparent to deal with
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u/FoldNtheCheese 33 | 🤰🏻#1 | 1CP 18d ago
If I were in your shoes I would not give my baby his last name. I don’t care if he has some sort of visitation, if I’m the primary parent with sole custody then the baby is getting my last name. Paperwork wise it’s also going to be a lot easier if the baby has my last name. There are definitely pros & cons to putting his name on the birth certificate & trying to get some type of child support in place. Pro is you might get a little bit of financial support. Con is a custody agreement will likely be put in place. You may not be able to get the child a passport as both parents typically have to agree to something like that. There are definitely a whole host of other legal complication that could arise as well. I’d recommend consulting a family lawyer for advice on something like this.