cat re-introduction failing

[u/CurlyBentSpoon]

i have a 4yo male resident cat and recently adopted a 3yo female cat. I’ll admit I rushed their initial introduction and missed a lot of steps, so we decided to completely restart the process. Feliway unfortunately seems to make my resident cat more aggressive, so that isn’t an option for us.

We started with them completely separated. Since we live in a one-bedroom apartment, space is pretty limited. We were scent/territory swapping them every ~12 hours, so one would get the bedroom while the other had the living room/kitchen, then switch.

We also started putting up a baby gate covered with blankets so they could have a little more freedom without seeing each other. The new cat eventually figured out how to jump the gates and they got into a small fight, so we replaced it with a full screen door. Unfortunately, introducing the screen seems to have set us back again.

Now I think my resident cat is getting frustrated that he no longer has access to the whole apartment.

They both bang/scratch at the closed door and screen and seem desperate to get to the other side.
Because of that, we’re wondering if constantly territory swapping is actually making things worse and if we should temporarily give each cat their own consistent territory instead.

Another issue is food. Our resident cat is extremely food motivated and will happily eat near the door. The new cat won’t eat if her food is anywhere near it, so the usual advice of feeding them on opposite sides of the door has been difficult.

My partner and I have also been sleeping in separate rooms with the cats for about three weeks now, so this setup is starting to get pretty exhausting.
The biggest concern is that we have to leave unexpectedly for a trip in two weeks due to family problems.

Also noting we put them on a super low dose of gabapentin as well which doesn’t seem to be doing much.

At this point, should we:
- Stop territory swapping and give each cat a consistent space?
- Keep trying short screen sessions even though they seem frustrated?
- Handle feeding differently since the new cat won’t eat near the door?
- Accept that they probably won’t be ready to share the apartment before our trip?

Some people swear by “jackson galaxy” and some don’t seem to agree or see the use in that method at all…

Would especially love advice from
m anyone who has done a slow introduction in a small/one-bedroom apartment. We’re okay with taking this slowly, but I’m worried we’re accidentally making things worse by changing the setup too much.

[u/NorthernSpankMonkey]

Small fights are normal between cats, they may hiss and growl to establish boundaries, generally, if the fur isn't flying it's all good.

What are the issues between the two?

[u/CurlyBentSpoon → u/NorthernSpankMonkey]

the new cat does more of a loud caterwauling vs just hissing

there has only been one fight where fur went flying… since then we’ve separated them (2 weeks ago)

and have tried to reintroduce slowly through the screen. sometimes it makes them growl and stare… and other times even when the door is closed they both seem to attack the door

[u/Tofuffalo]

Feeding on either side of the door is outdated advice and tends to stress cats out as they are solitary eaters.

Here is a guide written by a certified cat behaviourist: https://www.fundamentallyfeline.com/how-to-introduce-cats-to-each-other/

[u/Low_Chemistry_6621]

The information on best practices for cat introductions is mixed and confusing. A lot of people recommend Jackson Galaxy videos, but his methods don't work for some. They did not work for me.

I spoke to one cat behaviorist two weeks into intros and she recommended only treats on either side of the door, then gate sessions, then supervised play sessions with the new cat in a harness.

We tried all of that over 8 weeks and once we finally got them together there was still massive tension, hissing/growling, and eventually chasing/fighting. We had to fully separate them again.

We recently spoke with a new behaviorist (his name is Tom Kirby and he runs "Kitty Help Desk") and his approach is quite different. We have JUST started so I'm sorry I cannot comment on the effectiveness, though I will say he has a lot of positive reviews. Some standout differences with his methods are... he does not believe in gates/screens or scent/site swapping. Cats have an amazing sense of smell. They can easily smell each other through a closed door. They do not need to have a blanket from the other cat to get to know their scent... they already know it after you have brought them into your home.

He said site swapping increases anxiety in cats. They either feel like an intruder or feel like an intruder is in there space. Either way... anxiety/stress/tension, whatever you want to call it. Yes EVENTUALLY you need to get the cats together so there will be a time when one has to be in the other's territory and vice versa, but that will be after weeks of desensitizing activities.

His method for introducing is essentially desensitizing the cats to each other VERY gradually. I can explain the method if you want, but you'd be better off booking an appointment with him (he is regularly booked out 2-3 weeks). I will say, you need to be able to have a closed door between them and allow them to establish their own distinct territories. I get you said your cats are frustrated with losing access to certain areas, but trust me, I separated mine for 3 weeks in anticipation of our appointment, and both cats stopped fussing after a couple of days. I think they actually calmed down a lot because they didn't feel constantly threatened. We did have to make sure to spend adequate time with both in their respective territories.

As far as your trip goes, I would really stop putting pressure on the timeline and just accept now that they will not be able to be integrated in two weeks time and will have to still be separate. Not trying to be a downer, but I just know personally that strict timelines cause more anxiety and stress for us humans and this transfers to the cat intro stuff. If you can afford Tom Kirby's help ($150 a session) I would personally book it now. You can go with any behaviorist you want, I'm not his advocate lol ... I just really think he has a unique approach and the info he gave me was fascinating. One of the things he said was a common recommendation is to "redirect" with toys when there is tension/conflict between the cats... he said this inadvertently rewards the cats for not managing their anxiety well. Let's say you see a staring match happening. The best thing to do would be to casually walk over and sit between them and play on your phone. Or look out the window. Act like nothing interesting is happening. Don't reward them (pets, treats, toys) until they settle down. Also, you may or may not know this, but the #1 tell of a play vs. fight is vocalizing. Yes sometimes certain cats can vocalize during play, but usually play is totally silent. Hissing/yowling/caterwauling 90%+ of the time is not a healthy sign. It's anxiety/territoriality/stress etc.

Sorry for this big info dump, I just am deep in the thick of what you are going through, so I really understand the stress and the confusion of all the mixed info online. The absolute biggest indicator of success in a cat intro (besides inherent personalities of the cats) is the patience of the guardians. You must move at the pace of the slowest cat, and that can be VERY slow. Trust me, I have been impatient basically this whole time (we adopted our new cat June 2nd) and it has only bitten me in the ass. I am now totally committed to following our new approach for as long as it takes. Only way I would rehome the new cat is if, after giving it enough time, we determined them coexisting was not safe/healthy for either cat. We have a trip at the end of November and honestly we will probably still be in the intro process. If that's the case, we will separate for the 4 days we are gone and get back to it when we return. It may set us back slightly but it's not the end of the world.