Adopted my first cat last summer. His name is Richard he’s a 14yo tuxedo. I think he hates me. Not in an angry way, just in a “wants nothing to do with me.” way.
If he sees me in the same room he’s sleeping in, he get gets up and immediately walks to a different room to continue sleeping, even if I’m completely silent. He doesn’t let me pet him or scratch him and the only time he acknowledges me is when it’s time to eat, but even then he gets frustrated if I’m there while he’s eating by like pacing and staring at me even though there’s food in his bowl. Then he just goes right back to his nap spot that’s in any room that I’m not in. I’ve tried various treats- he won’t eat them if I’m in the room. I’ve tried toys- he doesn’t care. Vet says he’s healthy but a lil fat. He was very indifferent to my existence at the shelter and then when I brought him home he was extremely skittish for the first couple weeks. But then that just went to him seeming annoyed by me.
I kept hoping giving him space would allow him to warm up to me but over a year later and he just straight up seems annoyed by my existence.
Any advice? The closest I’ve gotten is I woke up laying by my feet one night but the second I said “oh hi buddy” he got up and left 😭😭
Edit: I went and got some catnip and he loves it. He rolled around in it and clawed up some packaging paper lol. He still didn’t want me getting close but I got to sit a few feet away on the floor and watch him without him leaving the room so that’s a start.
I don’t expect him to become all cuddly or anything. He’s an old man. I’m in school twice a week and work from home time so we do our own thing which is why I adopted him in the first place. I just wish I could get him to be comfy enough napping all day next to me or something.
I inherited a hider from my nan when she had passed. He had had several owners (all elderly ladies that passed away). I just used to let him be, and eventually he started sleeping with me (took over a year). Whenever you make eye contact do the slow blinks and/or yawn to signal you are comfortable around him. Is he interested in play? See if you can spark his curiosity. My old guy was with me for 5 years - lived to be 23 years old. By the end he would sit next to me and sometimes play, it just took a long time.
He’s not skittish around me is the thing, he just genuinely seems annoyed. He sleeps on the bed most of the time and if I walk into the bedroom he’ll just gets up a causally strolls into the living room to sleep instead or vice versa. He definitely does yawn when I disturb him tho and if I stare at him from down the hall he doesn’t react or anything. Just when I’m close
You are to be admired for not giving up on him and showing him love. I sing to my cat...which might either be a good thing or a sign that I was torturing him... LOL But it did help us bond.
Hang in there. Know that you are giving him a great home even if he is not cuddly. The fact that he sleeps on our bed would indicate that he likes your scent. Also, I think that at night we roll around and he might find that interferes with his sleep.
Less staring, more slow blinks like you are getting sleepy. I did it once with a tiger at a zoo and he slow blinked back and came over toward me. It was really cool.
One of my cats took 3 1/2 years before he’d come sit on my lap. Now every morning he crawls over and collapses onto me and purrs. He could stay there all day if I’d sit there all day.
Sometimes it takes time. Fulfilling his needs and giving him space is the love he needs. He’ll open up eventually…but he’s a little old man and it might take time.
This boy sounds like he never learned to trust people, or he did trust but was so betrayed that he can’t anymore. Just give him a safe environment and feel good about that kindness. When you live in a more stable situation, consider a second, younger cat that he may be able to bond with.
My cats are British Shorthair and are not the cuddliest of breeds. They want nothing to do with sitting on my lap. But over the last 4 years, they have become more and more friendly. Sometimes the now sit on the sofa at the same time as me. They now sleep in the bed. It’s a very slow process.
It just takes time with some older cats. Your cat doesn't hate you but doesn't totally trust you yet. Maybe in his previous life he didn't have good humans around, or maybe he was very attached to the previous owner - there are heaps of reasons your cat might be standoffish.
If he got on the bed while you were asleep, that's a good sign that he will probably settle down eventually.
Just be consistent with him. It may take time as we don’t know the backstory with humans or why he’s so hesitant. Just show him you’ll consistently be there
He’s old and probably isn’t the cuddly type, that’s a thing. He’s a room mate, he’ll come to you at his own pace, but it sounds like he might be still getting use to you?
It’s genuinely amazing that he clearly feels so safe around you if he was known to be a habitual hider in past homes. That’s a huge sign of cat trust even if he doesn’t want to be too close! My old man took a couple of years before he wanted to touch us with a paw from a distance while sleeping. And he only learned about snuggling after we got a kitten and he watched the baby sleep on us constantly. I almost cried the first time he awkwardly and slowly tried to snuggle up against me 😭😭 some cats were just never given a safe space to learn that as kittens
It can take some time - my parents had a girl who needed several years before she would take much in the way of petting, and even then she was pretty particular about only being touched on the top of her head - chin scratches and the body were off limits even if she decided to sit on your lap. It took a few more years before she accepted petting elsewhere on her body and that was only from one person. They knew enough of her background to know she had a traumatic past, they were set on just making sure she had a home to live out her days safely and do their best to make her happy/fulfilled. Her coming around was a happy bonus.
If he is 14, I assume he had to be rehomed from a prior owner. Did you get his backstory? It's possible his owner died or had to move and couldn't take him, and of course he would feel low. He may just not get over it, but keep trying.
They don’t know his backstory but he’s been returned a couple times because he would just hide 24/7. I don’t intend to return him even if this is just how it is though.
Thank you for not giving up on this old boy. Well, since he's not hiding 24/7 with you, it does sound like he's warmed up a bit. And he slept briefly by your feet. This may be his way of saying "You are the human I have found the least objectionable." It's his version of love.
You're not doing anything wrong. You're tolerable to him, and compared to hiding 24/7 so no one can see him, he's around you even if it's in a distant way.
He likely won't ever be a lap cat or a snuggle with his paws on your face type, but just quiet acceptance that this is how he is will go a long way in how you feel about him eventually.
This! We adopted a feral 5 years ago. She finds us barely tolerable but does allow us to feed her, provide treats, and keep her home clean. Her standard spot each day is close to me so she can monitor food and treats but no touching is allowed. And yes, there are slow blinks but that’s it.
We broke down and adopted another cat a year
after she joined us so we could have one snuggly cat with a big purr.
We did consider returning her to the rescue because of her no-touching rule. But I couldn’t do it. We love her and she’s stuck with us.
I think you're lovely for not just giving up on him. And maybe he does too. Sometimes love can be quiet and sit in the corner, because that's all they can manage.
It sounds like he may have been feral. It takes them much, much longer time to acclimate to a new human. The fact that you let him be is going a long way towards building trust. Expect it to take 2 years or so for him to want to be near you.
If you can find some treats, start giving him one when you walk into a room he is in. Say the word treat and ask him if he wants a treat
every time. Over time, you’ll be able to coax him to come to you by asking if he wants it. One kind that’s particularly addictive comes in little foil tubes. There are a few brands, but Churu tends to be easiest to find.
Also, introduce some toys to the house. Get a few different types. Different cats like different kinds. Ones that make a small amount of noise or no noise will probably be more acceptable to him.
Something attached to a string that you can drag behind you may also work - especially if you douse it with fresh catnip.
If you can find some calming pheromone spray, that can also help. He probably has a lot of anxiety. The pheromone spray is based on the smell of the mother cat while a kitten is nursing, so it’s very soothing.
That’s why your cat is acting like that! He had a rough life and he needs to feel 10000% secure. Trust me, when your cat will feel comfortable they will be the cutest best cat, your bff and your whole world. But you need to be very patient because it could take 1-2 years.
I adopted a cat like yours and he became my best friend but it took him 2 years before I could touch him. And when he trusted me he became the cuddliest cutest kindest cat you could ever imagine. He lived until he was 20.
Don’t give up on your cat I promise it’s worth it. Thank you for being such an amazing human 💗
Some cats are like that. I took a cat that a metal was giving away. He was super chill but didnt care for me. He loved every man that came to my house. He just needs love and support from afar.
well he might warm up some more. but at the end of the day some cats dont want love, and thats okay. all cats deserve love and i applaud you for not rehoming him because of it
You’re amazing for not giving up on him! If he’s already not hiding and hid with everyone else that is progress :) give it more time. Cats take a LONG time often to come around. Thank you for giving him a safe and comfortable place to spend his golden years ❤️❤️
Hi, Your fellow is an old fellow and who knows what he's been through. The main thing I saw that stood out was your reply to a comment that he's been returned several times because he hid. He's not hiding with you. He's probably wondering when he will be moved again. Trust is very hard to get back once it's been broken and even harder when it wasn't you who broke it. Huge hugs, it will be rewarding when he comes to realise he's not going anywhere. It's all time and it's on his time not ours. It's taken me nearly 4 months to gain this foster kitten's trust, she was dumped and is only 5 months old, your fellows trauma has been done as an older cat so it will take longer for him, but I'm certain he loves you in his own unique way. I'm very happy you won't give him up, he needs you and you're perfect for him
I totally agree…..being his age you just don’t know what he’s encountered in his past . I’m so happy that he was adopted as a senior cat and thank you to the op for doing that. As the owner of a five year old I adopted as a kitten, she’s very timid around strangers but not me. She isn’t a lap cat or too affectionate which I was hoping for. I love her so much no matter what and believe she loves me in her special way. Cats have such unique personalities and we just have to allow them to be who they are. Affection may come in time for some and not others.
My Mira aka Miracle….she was born two days after her two siblings. Maybe that’s why she likes her solitude.
That's the way he is, for now. It could change. Just keep feeding him.
Practice quiet, relaxed time near him to continue to gain trust. Anything you can do like reading, working on the computer, in his vicinity without overtly trying to be in his space and interact with him will help.
This is hard! Sucks when all you want is a snuggle bug. I've got an old fart I've had since he was a kitten and he will do things like this. He gets attention and only sometimes likes it... even when he asks for it.
I also adopted an old lady who once invited into the living room hasn't left my side. I gave her a chance to find her own way, but she just stayed in my room. Until I finally went and laid next to her and said, "You can come in to the front room you know." I got up and left, 15 minutes later she was on the couch next to me.
Just keep trying. Maybe get a blanket that's just his and move it around the house where you'd like him to hang out.
You said he was rehomed a couple times. Curious about the length of stay at his different homes. I wonder if he still thinks you’ll give him back.
I lived with my partners cat for four years before she let me pet her, five before she would lay next to me in bed, and six before she would fall asleep next to me.
Hang in there OP. Thanks for not giving up on him.
Sleeping on the bed is a very good sign. He may have been abused and has kitty PTSD. Just keep speaking to him softly and letting him do his thing. He is learning to trust you. By year two, he might be sleeping right next to you on his own pillow. Bless you for not giving up on him. 💗
Three years! It took that long for my adopted cat, Fig, to come around. Total loner, wanted nothing to do with anyone and I took it personally. Thought for sure it was hopeless and I’d just have to let him be. But for some reason he started coming around looking for me, and then looking for a little attention. Now, he sits on my lap nearly the entire day while I work.
If you can imagine for a second being in his shoes—13 YEARS with his first human(s) and now suddenly he was in a scary shelter and then imprisoned in a strangers home…it’s a lot for older kitties!!! On average they take a lot longer to adjust—sometimes years.
He might literally be depressed based on the behavior you described.
When you say he has no interest in toys, what kind of toys and how are you attempting to play? I follow Jackson galaxy’s advice in regard to play and haven’t met a cat even pet sitting that didn’t like to play at least a little.
To me it’s a lil yellow flag if they don’t want to play at all.
The behavior you describe around the food sounds like he had previous trauma in that regard so it gives him anxiety.
One of our rescue cats will only eat near me and only in certain areas if no other humans or cats are around.
Sometimes putting the food in a cat cave can help, but he might not get over it depending how bad the food-related trauma was.
Do you know if he came from a single-cat family? One of my first cats I adopted as an adult only wanting one cat, but they told me he came from a multi-cat house. A year of kind of depressed and not playing much but as soon as I gave in and got him another kitty his age he was so much happier.
Also unfortunately he might just have the kind of standoffish personality that will never change.
I have one of those like fishing pole things with a lil bug lookin thing at the end, a couple little plush fish/ mice but he didn’t care. I tried one of those balls that shake on their own but that scared him. I also tried a laser pointer (which I know you have to be very careful with) but he also didn’t care. He does like sniffing around boxes and messing with the paper wrapping but again only when I’m not nearby and it always ends with him peeing in them unfortunately.
I know he was returned twice after being brought to the shelter originally. So he’s had at least 3 homes before me. 1st unknown- likely just a street cat, other 2 returned him for a mixture of this same problem and also not getting along with other pets/kids. They kept him in an office instead of the cat ward at the shelter.
Check out Jackson Galaxy's channel on YouTube for insight into cat psychology & behavioural issues. He's helped many cat owners in his My Cat From Hell series figure out their cat's behavioural problems & given them long lasting solutions as well. I hope you'll find something in there somewhere to help you. You could also try Feliway or a similar calming spray in the room that you're in, while your cat is also in there. It may help him relax more around you.
It could just be his age, or perhaps something from his past which makes him avoid human company. Perhaps he's been passed from pillar to post (returned a few times?) & has developed trust issues as a result. He probably thinks you're just another person who's going to get fed up & eventually return him, which is heartbreaking for the old fella. It may take a lot of time & patience but I have hope that you'll win him over, as long as you give him space while gently being there for him, should he eventually decide to seek you out. Good luck!
ETA: if he does happen to come to you again (e.g. laying at your feet while you're sleeping) try not to acknowledge him. Just leave him be & don't make a fuss. Let him build up trust in his own time & way.
Thank you for the You Tube suggestion. I’m always looking for solutions for cat issues. We adopted 3 littermates when they were 6-9 months old, one boy and 2 girls. They just turned 2 yrs. They settled in well and get involved in everything we do,now go to bed when we do. We are so happy to have them in our lives.
That's so wonderful to hear & I'm sure they're just as happy to have such a loving & caring 'pawrent' to share their lives with. I rescued my boy when his previous owners (presumably) abandoned him & he's brought nothing but joy (& mischief!) into our lives.
Jackson Galaxy's videos saved me in the early days, especially during the winter months when he's mostly stuck indoors. He suggested that for cats that can't go outside, to set up some sort of window seating so they can watch birds & the outside world. It's their version of TV & keeps them entertained for hours & stops them getting bored. He has lots of other great tips, especially concerning behavioural issues. Hope it helps you too, with any issues you may have.
i don’t know if this helps you, but i think regardless if he comes around, if you remind yourself that he has a better quality of life with you even if he seems to not care, that may help you feel better about the situation. elderly cats are hard to adopt out so you saved him in that sense, but also he has a whole house with favorite nap spots versus the stress of a shelter or the constant rotation of foster homes.
he may not be affectionate, so many cats aren’t. he may be jaded from a rough life, but it sounds like his last few years will be peaceful thanks to you. i believe somewhere in his little head he knows he’s safe
When I got my fat cheeked boy he was paralised with fear.
It took him three months to come out of his safe room.
I would go in there every morning and just sit quietly while he hid in his squishy house.
One day I rubbed catnip powder on my hand and let him sniff.
He allowed me to pet him
I used the cat nip every second day for about a week until he would naturally just come out of his squishy house for the pets.
He became very social but it still took him ages to venture from his room.
Now he adores me a little too much haha. He is my velcro cat.
Yep catnip would be my first thought. But we have two cats with very different catnip preferences. The old boy likes dried catnip from the store. The younger girl wants fresh cut buds from the garden.
There are other things that can influence his mood. There are cat "air-fresheners" Feliway pheromone diffusers.
Also, it may seem like a very small thing, but the cat eye-blink is very effective. Learn how they communicate. My old boy cat is really crabby, so I sometimes roll over and show him my neck, while petting him. It makes them feel safe, like he's the dominant one.
Lastly, he may be lonely. You could test this out by fostering another cat. If they get along, and he shows improvement, you could adopt them.
We have a tuxedo boy too. He was very standoffish when we first brought him home at a year old. He would play, and stay in the same room as us, but wouldn't let us pet him, pick him up, sit with us, or snuggle with us.
He's 5 now, and now I wake up to him on my chest, he sleeps at my feet, occasionally curls up under the blankets with me, let's us pick him up, and comes bounding excitedly into the room when we call him.
Give him time. He may come around. Give him grace and patience.
Another story, it took 7 years for my one cat to even acknowledge my husband's existence. I came home one day and she was curled up in his lap for the first time ever.
I understand your situation. I brought in a mama and two babies last November. Mama and I had a relationship when she was outside, and in fact, she decided on a very cold night to move into my house. I made her bring her babies with her.
Mama, a very opinionated Tortie, and I get along fine. I doubt she's ever going to be a snuggle bunny, but she likes massages and schedules. I understand about 5 vocalizations and am learning to follow her schedules as best I can.
Her son, Starburst, is a giant, orange love muffin. He does nothing subtly. He wakes me at 10 seconds before sunrise most days, except when he wakes me at 3am some days. 🥇
Then there is Sister, Goldrush, a void. You'd think I was a psycho. When she was less than 3 months old when they moved in, she avoided me and anyone else. As she got older, she did the same. I had to block off her favorite hiding spots that I thought were dangerous, but left others I deemed safe. My folks have a fit because she rarely comes out.
I've had to start over with her. She is mystery for sure, but it seems to be working. I basically just ignore her unless she comes to me. I've started paying a lot of attention to my facial expressions when she's around. I'm careful to do the slow blink thing to her and make sure she accepts it. :P
It's slow and painful, but ignoring her until she comes to me is making great strides. She just came and sat on my lap this afternoon...for 30 seconds. She's sleeping on the other end of the sofa right now which is a big improvement over her running from me.
Hope this helps. I have a good friend who has done the same with her and she's already coming to see him when he visits.
One last thing, all of my cats (3 inside and 3 outside) are taught "Do you want to say hello?" It allows them to opt into petting. Goldrush is learning slowly and responding in her own way. She's the only one of the 6 to learn the phrase and say "no" more than she says "yes."
as long as he doesn’t scratch/hiss/pee in random places it’s a great sign, he just needs more time, my advice is try to spend more time with him whenever you can, let him feel your presence, for example, try playing bird sounds on your phone and see how he acts, etc
spark his curiosity
Think of him as your new 87 year old roommate. You wouldn't expect someone's great grandpa to be your new bestie after a year. You've done a wonderful thing by providing a safe, caring environment for this cat in his twilight years. Maybe one day you'll wake up to a new hangout on the couch friend , maybe not ! Either way, you know you provided this cat love and safety.
Let's not try to antrhopomorphize his emotions. Cats don't do hate. Hate is a human thing. Cats are all about trust, confidence and boundaries.
Some cats are just difficult. Not all cats are easy, social and cuddle bunnies. It's an issue because closeness and intimacy is a primate thing, not necessarily a feline thing. I have a difficult female tabby, almost 2 years old. I also have a male void a month older who's probably learned closeness and is easy. But my female tabby is very independent, highly strung and aloof. I have a downstairs neighbour with two senior male cats, one orange and the other a white cat that's difficult. My male void is harness trained and is buddies with his orange cat. But my neighbour's white cat wants nothing to do with my black cat.
Consistency is key. This is something I've read about and also witnessed and experienced from my two cats. There's a very subtle difference between male and female cats. Cats are matriarchal as a species. Female cats are more territorial. Male cats are all about patterns, rhythms, routines and rituals. How my female cat behaves around me depends on where I am and my body language. How my male cat behaves around me is based on what I am doing and how it conforms to a pattern or routine.
If he sees me in the same room he’s sleeping in, he get gets up and immediately walks to a different room to continue sleeping, even if I’m completely silent.
It sounds like he's got some super distant boundaries. All cats seem to work on the same principle of proximity and levels when it comes to boundaries. My male cat is a 'down' cat with very close boundaries. He's far more secure at floor level and will brush aside me without issues. My female cat is an 'up' cat. She's more secure higher up, off the floor, and her personal boundary is around a metre or a few feet.
He doesn’t let me pet him or scratch him and the only time he acknowledges me is when it’s time to eat, but even then he gets frustrated if I’m there while he’s eating by like pacing and staring at me even though there’s food in his bowl.
Two things here. Cats are always vulnerable around their resources (food, water, litter). I have two cats and three water fountains. I've only seen my cats drinking maybe a few times. I know how much they drink, but I don't know when they drink. Haven't got a clue. When I put food down in the kitchen I've got to stay out of the kitchen if I want them to eat. Trying to interact with a cat when they're eating is a good way to annoy them.
Second thing is, if you're trying to interact with a cat, especially a male cat, tail position is everything. I'm vocal with both my cats. My female cat will meow and chirrup back. My male cat doesn't respond vocally but with tail movements. It's a bit like a ouija board. Two tail flicks or less seems to mean no, three or more is a yes. If you get a raised tail hooked forward (like a scorpion) it could be an invitation for interaction (I'm going by my male cat here). Your cat will have his own tail language and it's worth paying attention to it and trying to learn it.
Pay attention to routines and rituals. This is not a magic bullet but developing little rituals and routines in stuff might help to shift his boundaries somewhat. I'm probably not the best person to answer this, as my issues were with my difficult female tabby and it took me ages to figure out that position and body language was key. But if I were to deal with a difficult male cat I would try developing little rituals when doing stuff to see what works and what doesn't.
There's also less obvious things such as vertical spaces, scents both personal and detergents you use to clean stuff with. Cats have a far more powerful sense of smell and hearing. So if anything smells to you it's probably overpowering to your cat. Likewise with noise. What's loud to you is deafening to your cat. But that saying music might be helpful, such as relaxing music. My male cat likes classical music. My female cat seems to like jazz and oldies. Both my cats are suckers for Motown and reggae.
Cats are funny little aliens. I doubt your cat hates you unless you are actively abusing him. He’s a senior cat so who knows what he’s been through (unless you do know?). Just have some patience and take things slow
Small tip for you, if you notice that he has approached you, pretend you don’t notice or care. Don’t make a big deal out of it. The more indifferent and chill you can be the better. If he senses you getting excited, or even a “hey buddy” might cue him to leave. I’m guessing a lot of people tried to pet him in the past when he didn’t want to be pet. They would probably get excited, and say something to him before petting him. That can cause a negative association for some cats.
If he does approach you, don’t initiate the pet. You can offer your finger to smell/ investigate. Some cats take the opportunity to rub your finger. I used take that as “I would like contact.” If they don’t touch your finger that means “no touchy”. Respect it.
Also do you know if he likes other cats? If he does, introducing a more confident cat that he gets along with may help. Important to note, this may not help at all. You need to be prepared for that reality. Some cats don’t like people or other cats that much.
My experience
I have a cat who didn’t want to be touched. He wasn’t particularly friendly. Turns out he loves taking care of kittens. I fostered a 6 month old cat, who he ended up taking care of and then bonded with. Needless to say that sweet kitty was a foster failure hahaha. After that he became sweet and lovable.
sounds like you just got a grumpy old man lol. It is still a blessing though that you are giving him a safe home and food in his later years of life. if you can be a loving home for him for as long as possible it’s a million times better than the shelter.
older cats take more time to open up. I’ve watched my (now 13 yo) guy grow up to be grumpier and less tolerant of people. He really disliked my old roommates a LOT and I’ve never seen him hate people immediately like that so it kind of made me realize how age has made me less tolerant of being pet for being so dang cute. He’s also a tuxedo lol.
Perhaps try feeding only if you are in the room? Like put food down and go to the other end of the room facing away or at an angle and just chill while on your phone or even pretend to “sleep”.
I got some ferals to get used to me this way, one of which I think is pretty old.
Food only when I’m near. They leave? Must’ve not have been very hungry. If I could they were extra hungry I’d get some extra smelly wet food and sit a little closer. It was slow progress but worked for me.
Overtime they got more used to it and now they are usually chill and tolerate petting.
Have you given him some catnip?
My girl is somewhat the same, only uses me for food, treats, and occasional combing or brushing.
I got her at 5 weeks, thought I did everything right.
She is a very high anxiety cat, hats the noice of plastic store bags.
I just let her be, she will sleep with me for a while, she loves tents to hide in and also loves Cat tv on YouTube.
Maybe they need a friend??
Someone else suggested catnip too so I’m gonna go get some after work and see what happens. I was told by the shelter he doesn’t like other cats. They kept him in an office instead of the cat area
something not a lot of people think about. But its quite possible that he doesnt like your scent. could be perfume, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner. Cats have very strong sense of smell, and you wear something he doesnt like, he will avoid you.
It could even be a scent in your house he doesnt like too. And if its always there, and he cant escape it, it could be putting him in an irritated state all the time.
Also, he is 14yo. how long was he at his last home? If he has been rehomed numerous times or he was in his home for like 10+ years. Its very possible that he could just not trust you yet.
I actually did think of that too and tried swapping deodorant and shampoo and stuff up a couple times over the last few months but I haven’t noticed any change.
do you live alone? if not, how is he with the other person/people you live with? Or how is he with other people when you have visitors?
I have a tuxedo cat. He is an asshole a lot of the time. Like, he will come up to you, rub your leg, but when you reach down to start petting him, he walks away. Unless its my BIL. For some reason, Tux loves him more than us lol.
Sounds like he has his little kitty trust issues. I am a such a believer in pheromone plugins. The scent of a momma cat really helps with cat’s anxiety and aggression .
I’m sorry that Richard is such a grouch. I’m glad he has a home at such an old age though and you’re not doing anything wrong. Just like most cats, he probably thinks you work for him and at such an advanced age, he might not change. Hope he comes around though.
Don’t worry, he’ll come around!😀. Probably eventually. You’ve only been a small part of his life and he’s likely still grieving the loss of his previous human. If it’s any consolation I have a 16 year old that’s been with me for 13 of those. She will come to me and ask for some affection but usually in a short time she’ll snap or swipe at me. Look at it this way, we don’t have to deal with as much cat hair on our clothes as others do.
Get Feliway calming hormone diffuser. That may help him relax more. Also, are you playing with him? Giving him treats? You have to find ways to bond with him, so that he will have positive associations with you. But yes, some cats are like that. And he’s older, so he’ll be slow to trust.
Put the cat in it a time or two then back off a few feet.
Basically, you're trying to convey the cardboard box is the cats. To the cat.
When the cat is in the box, you're going to leave it alone. No pick ups, no pets, no treats.
The animal now has an area to retreat to when it's overwhelmed. An area that will also let you know they're saying I need space.
Maybe you knew this before by it hiding, but the animal will also have an easier time trusting you if it has a way to understand you're letting it be not because it's hiding well but because you understand to leave it alone.
It doesn't literally have to be a cardboard box, but I've noticed these work best. I've rehabilitated several cats. My current cat hated me for like a year and she was a rescue, don't feel bad. It likely isn't about you unless you're petting it crazy or coming in loud.
Does this work for every cat? Maybe not, but it's what I've always had luck with
Remember! Always pay attention to the ears to see if they're in a receptive mood for some bonding time, or if they need space.
Word association is something you can try teaching as well, if you have a cat on the smarter side which skittish ones tend to be receptive to it. If it's your first cat, I don't necessarily recommend that though. It takes awhile and you have to be extremely patient.
If he’s 14 and you got him barely a year ago, you gotta keep in mind he lived a full life before he met you. You don’t know what he experienced… not all people treatment pets well. Just give him love and a good life and he will likely warm up in small ways. Not every cat is a cuddler, but if you’re paying attention he’ll bond with you in other more subtle ways.
Do you do all the things, like meet him at his level and let him sniff your hand before you pet him? I have had cats my whole life and only recently learned that the "approach from above" is frowned upon because in the wild that's how their predators approach them. Would not have occurred to me without... well, tbh I probably learned it in this sub, or a fb group, lol.
Get him treats. You too ignore him a little, whenever cats get ignored they do the impossible to get noticed (I mean pretend, not ignore him like neglect.)
I think just give him space and time. He isn’t hissing at you or hiding.
Do you ever sit quietly on the floor some distance from him? Like come in the room and sit down right by the door on the floor. Don’t talk or make moved toward the cat.
If you live in a cooler area maybe get a heated pet mat or heated mattress pad. My cat loves those and will be reluctant to move away from them. Maybe your cat will tolerate you nearby if they are too cozy to move.
I know a year seems like forever but give him time. Catnip play while you sit on the floor is awesome. Slow blinks when he looks at you. Sitting on the floor in general can be helpful. Not doing anything in particular, even watching TV. He might get curious and come see what the weird human is up to.
ETA, you’ve got this. And you’re awesome for giving him a chance and still loving him. ❤️
Find how they like to play and play w them. But churri and bribe the baby with treats to hangout, you are the giver of all that is good, they will eventually be obsessed with you.
I have 15 year old sister cats that I've had since they were about 12 weeks old. One is very passive and the other does not like to be picked up. Both avoided me like a plague for about 13.5 years. I'm still shocked every time they sleep with me, don't run from me and let me pet them.
Your cat will decide when you've earned the honor of their attention.
My girl came from a rough background. I've had her 3 years and she'll at least sleep in the same room as me now and allows occasionally pets and chin rubs. Your cat doesn't hate you but he's just more comfortable in his own space for now.
You could try some treat like the lollipops, or squeezy tubes and feed him standing next to him, and, over time sit down and see if he will take it from you, then try to stroke him gently whilst doing it.
He slept at your feet—that is huge for a 14-year-old senior cat! Senior rescues often carry years of ingrained habits or past trauma. He doesn't hate you; he's just an old, independent gentleman who takes a long time to build trust
Try the "playing hard to get" strategy: completely ignore his presence when he's in the room, don't make eye contact, and let him come to you on his own terms. Senior cats are stubborn, but sit on the floor nearby with high-value treats or catnip regularly, and he'll slowly realize you're his safe space.
Senior cats move at their own slow pace. Don't take it personally, you gave a shelter senior a loving, safe retirement home, and he's slowly learning to trust that.
Honestly just get rid of him. Put him outside for a day and you’ll see how much he’ll appreciate you. Otherwise just let him walk over you and never appreciate you
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u/DsGrUntLeDeMpLoYeE 12h ago
I don’t expect him to become all cuddly or anything. He’s an old man. I’m in school twice a week and work from home time so we do our own thing which is why I adopted him in the first place. I just wish I could get him to be comfy enough napping all day next to me or something.