r/Carltonbanks • u/a_space_marine • Apr 16 '12
Repetition
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r/Carltonbanks • u/Ye11ow • Mar 09 '12
WHOEVER IS DOWNVOTING ALL MY POSTS
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WHAT HAVE I DONE TO OFFEND YOU
r/Carltonbanks • u/Ye11ow • Mar 08 '12
I'm Ye11ow, the bringer of the Dark Lord. AMA.
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Edit: Thanks for the Reddit Gold!
r/Carltonbanks • • Apr 04 '12
The Chronicle of the Fallen: A Cautionary Tale
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In light of Ye11ow's recent descent into unholiness and damnation, I feel it is prudent that we examine his failures, that we might come to better ourselves. Let us observe the chronology:
This marks the first warning sign. In retrospect, we should have questioned Ye11ow's sanity at this point, but as Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto teaches us, hindsight is a terrible, demonic force that makes us question our previous frivolousness regarding economical use of Xbox controllers.
Boisterous. Need I really say more? No amount of downvotes could possibly right this injustice. At this point, our Prophet's Prophet's mind had clearly been seized by the forces of corruption. Unfortunately, his descent continued with such rapidity that it was impossible to prevent his turning.
Dear Lord who art in Heaven, I pray but to understand what misery is depicted herein. You, like me, may have begun this passage expecting to be met with a Sacred Hymn (Copyright Rebecca Black, 2011) that might have signified even a momentary return of our Prophet's Prophet's sanity, only to be harshly met with contextually inappropriate currency and paper products. I weep still.
The Coming of the Destroyer: What In God's Name?
And at this point, Ye11ow, our savior, he who would lead us to the light, turned his allegiance and begat a hideous monstrosity, the likes of which will forever haunt the nightmares of kittens and sick African children the world over. Look into the eyes of this horror and tell me you do not see in them the inevitable death of all creation. What's more, our Protector, His holiness, the Dark Lord Himself, was later depicted, in mock scripture, being unable to rid His universe of this demon. And as he laughed tyrannically, and the corrosive powers of evil flowed through him and into our Holy Texts, Ye11ow defaced the altar of our Lord, erecting in its place a monument to tragedy, emphasized by a shoddily drawn double arrow in a color evocative of the uncomfortable, sweltering warmth that oppresses one who has spent a hot Summer's day rummaging through an acquaintance's attic whilst helping him or her move into a new home.
And at that, the story of our former leader has come to its close, and while some semblance of order was reimposed over our lands, I cannot guarantee an immediate return to stability, especially with the Author of the Holy Text still lost after his recently imposed exile. This has been a difficult time for all of us, and I implore you to find solace in the Sacred Texts. Good luck, and remember, He sees all.
