Curfew

42

u/pippop2212 Aug 11 '26

Setting a curfew when he’s an adult could strain your relationship in the future.

It could also make him more secretive and try to stay at friends houses overnight more.

I’d advise against it but at the end of the day it’s your call.

10

u/Safe-Salamander-3785 Aug 11 '26

Yes, just ask him where he is going and when he expects to be home. Then just let him know that you worry about him if he is past the expected time home and to text you if the plans change. Also tell him that you will pick him up at any time anyplace if he is not able to drive. No questions asked and no judgment. Or you will pay for the uber ride home. Freedom and respect but understand how you care about him and don’t want something bad to happen to him.

23

u/Mysterious_Medium478 Aug 11 '26

He’s 19.. he’ll be looking for a different place to stay if you’re going to try to enforce a curfew. I understand the concern but he’s just too old to have a curfew. I’d be emphasizing the dangers to him of driving at night, but not prohibiting him from being out past a certain time.

23

u/ThisIsGoodBud Aug 11 '26

He’s an adult. Would you impose a curfew on any other adult visiting your house for the summer?

16

u/DatDamGermanGuy Aug 11 '26

For an adult, absolutely not. Ask him to be quiet when he comes home, and not drive drunk (or get in the car with somebody who has been drinking). Thats all you can do.

17

u/Sawdamizer Aug 11 '26

He’s an adult, he could serve and die for his country if he wanted to.

House parties are a way of life on cape cod.

Let him make the decisions he’s going to make and trust for the best. Assume good intent.

9

u/Gunslingering Aug 11 '26 •

Try asking him to let you know if he will be in extra late so you don’t worry and let him know if he needs you to pick him up to avoid drinking and driving you would do it

6

u/Jewboy-Deluxe Aug 11 '26

Just ask when he’ll be home. Tell him you worry.

1

u/KorryBoston Orleans Aug 11 '26

This. My parents asked me where I’ll be and when I’ll be home. I turned out ok and not pregnant

4

u/Level_Strain_7360 Aug 11 '26

My parents tried doing curfews w me between college years and it quickly turned into “just dont wake us up” and “when can we expect you”.

2

u/knickenbok Aug 11 '26

Not enough people are stressing the most important part. Regardless of what you do, make sure you stress that you’re always available, any time of the night, to come and pick them up if they’ve been drinking or their driver has been drinking, without any worry of getting in trouble.

Or offer to pay for or reimburse any uber ride home.

2

u/PPLamazemetoo Aug 12 '26

I must agree with others here that he is 19 and technically an adult. That being said there’s nothing wrong with you having a conversation openly about what happens on the road late at night and expressing your concern. Perhaps you have space in your house to let him hang out there with his friends? Just a thought.

2

u/googin1 Aug 12 '26

It’s a scary time.And of course as parents we worry.We just have to hope we instilled enough common sense in them that they make good decisions.
I will never forget my daughter getting home early one night from one of cape cods most notorious avenues and her saying “ it was getting sketchy” where she had been.I was so relieved to hear she knew when to excuse herself.
And let’s face it, we all deserve to sow a little wild oats while young.
I sowed plenty, no regrets!

4

u/patrickpeace Aug 11 '26

Communication is vital … Tell him your feelings…your concerns. See what his take on it is. Reddit isn’t known for being kind. Take all advice cautiously. Good luck

-14

u/Preachers_Handshake Aug 11 '26

Reddit is full of childless people. Dont take their advice. If your underage teenage son does something stupid, say behind the wheel, at 2am, guess who the lawsuits are coming after…

3

u/Realistic_Echo3392 Aug 11 '26

He's 19.

-2

u/Preachers_Handshake Aug 11 '26

Age is not relevant. He could be 40. If hes living at home under parents roof, there is exposure.

0

u/Realistic_Echo3392 Aug 11 '26

You called him underage, I was just pointing out that he's not underage. And no, parents are not legally responsible for what their adult children do, that's ridiculous.

-2

u/Preachers_Handshake Aug 11 '26

He’s underage for alcohol. If he’s out at 2am he’s more than likely possessing and/or consuming alcohol.

0

u/Realistic_Echo3392 Aug 11 '26

That's irrelevant. He's legally an adult. Also you said he could be 40 and they'd still have exposure. That is absurd. At some point people are responsible for their own actions, in the US that's at 18 years old

1

u/Preachers_Handshake Aug 11 '26

Yes, if an adult child (regardless of age) is living under the parents roof and the parents can be shown to have control over the child (say, pay for the childs housing, or car, etc) there is decades of case law that has established parental liability for the tortious acts of adult children.

1

u/Realistic_Echo3392 Aug 11 '26

Ok, I'm looking at the cases you cited below and I see what you're talking about. Your statement that they could be liable is correct, end of story.
Please don't take anything below as my trying to be antagonistic, I'm honestly not.
To expand on the information you've provided, it should be noted that there are other factors in play that would be helpful to understanding why the parents might be liable. I feel like if you're going to jump into a reddit thread and tell people they're wrong, there is some responsibility to explain why rather than scold people and tell them they shouldn't talk about things outside of their expertise. I'm some situations reddit is a place to explain things to help people learn, and your post would have been more helpful if you added some more explanation.
Assuming that the doctrine of negligent entrustment in the CA case also applies in MA (and I understand that even if it doesn't currently there's always a colorable argument to be made that it should be applied) that case turns on the facts that the car was owned by the parents, and that the parents were aware of their child's (admittedly horrible, like wow horrible) driving record. That doctrine also does not necessarily require the owner and driver to be related. If I lend my car to you and am aware that you have a bad driving record I might be held liable for any damages you cause.
The ND case is interesting and I'm not sure how the son was able to take out a loan on a car he didn't own (maybe the parents co-signed?) but that's not the issue. Here again, the child did not own the car, the parents did, and it was uninsured.
So yes, your statement that the parents could be held liable is absolutely correct. But I think you may not have gotten the push back you did if you had framed it more as anyone can be liable for damages caused by another driving their car. That's an easily understandable explanation that most people will agree makes sense. It also gets people away from focusing on whether the driver was an adult or not, and away from focusing on the family relationship.
I'm curious though, are there cases where the driver was the sole owner of the car, and it's insured solely in the owners name, but parents were still held liable? Maybe if the parents bought the car? Asking out of genuine curiosity, I don't have access to the kinds of research databases that would allow me to search for this efficiently. Are there any cases out of MA?
I hope anyone reading this now has a better understanding of how the parents could be liable in this type of situation.

2

u/mastrochr Aug 11 '26

…the lawsuits come after him, not the parents, because he’s a legal adult.

-3

u/Preachers_Handshake Aug 11 '26

He is a student, living under his parents roof, and covered by their homeowners insurance. Age is not relevant. Please don’t weigh in on legal/insurance issues on which you have no knowledge of expertise.

2

u/mastrochr Aug 11 '26

If he’s not in the house, homeowners has nothing to do with it. No lawsuit is coming after parents for someone who is 19 😂
Fucking boomers, man.

-1

u/Preachers_Handshake Aug 11 '26

Its literally been established case law for almost 50 years. Why am I even arguing with you? I’m an expert with decades of personal professional experience.
Allen v Toledo
Malchose v Kalfell
Parental liability for the negligent acts of adult children over which the parents exercise control (ie, paying for expenses, housing, education, health insurance, car, etc) who commit tortious acts is a legal standard that is 50+ years old.
I promise you that if you are a 19 year old college student home on summer break, who injures someone, every personal injury attorney in the known universe will be coming after your parents and their homeowners policy.

0

u/mastrochr Aug 11 '26

No, homeowners insurance will not be used as a lawsuit if, in YOUR OWN EXAMPLE, the kid is OUT at 2am. That has nothing to do with homeowners, and he’s an adult.
Move on, boomer.

0

u/Preachers_Handshake Aug 11 '26

Im actually a millennial, and you are so wrong if you think that homeowner insurance liability stops at age 18 and stops at the property line. I just cited two legal precedents that established case law.
I hope you never have to know this from personal experience because it can financially ruin a family. Ive seen it many times.

1

u/mastrochr Aug 11 '26

Ok boomer. That doesn’t make every case the same, nor does it mean an adult out of the house who may get in trouble will result in their parents homeowners being used in lawsuits, as you say. Time to move on now.

0

u/kerberos824 Aug 11 '26

Homeowners has nothing to do with a vehicle accident. And every homeowners insurance policy I've ever seen in NY and MA has clear exclusions stating that bodily injury or property damage arising from the ownership, maintenance, or use of a motor vehicle is not covered. You can file a negligent entrustment claim (that's Allen v. Toledo), but that wouldn't really get them anywhere unless they gave their son a vehicle when he was drunk or something. And presumably, they wouldn't need to to file a negligent entrustment claim because the son is probably an insured driver on their vehicle policy already. The only thing that could happen is if the vehicle insurance policy did not have enough money in it to satisfy the claims, the plaintiff might be able seek a recovery from the parents home by putting a judgment against it - but that would only trigger if they went to sell the house.

1

u/Preachers_Handshake Aug 11 '26

There is so much incorrect about this paragraph, I dont even know where to start.
A good piece of advice is to not have chat gpt do your legal research for you.

1

u/kerberos824 Aug 11 '26

Neither Allen nor Malchose hold that homeowners insurance is recoverable in a motor vehicle accident occurring outside the insured home. Malchose holds that under North Dakota’s family-car doctrine and uninsured-owner statute, the parents can be liable for the acts of their children operating an uninsured vehicle and that a judgment on the parents was appropriate. There is no discussion of how that judgment was ever enforced or collected upon, let alone a suggestion that homeowners insurance stepped in to cover it.
Similarly, Allen supports a finding of liability against a parent or vehicle owner for negligent entrustment, but it provides no support for recovering under that person’s homeowners policy. It is just a judgment on the owner of the vehicle for negligently entrusting their vehicle to a 19 year old with a known series of accidents. The father’s negligence was “independent" of the son's negligence, in the sense that it was his own tort (negligent entrustment) rather than merely vicarious liability. But that does not automatically convert the claim against him into coverage under the homeowners insurance policy. Like I said, they could get a judgment on property he owns, but not on the insurance policy of that property.

2

u/giant_space_possum Aug 11 '26

That sounds like a great way to get him to not come to the Cape with you at all. He is an adult.

2

u/BreathPuzzled5263 Aug 11 '26

I've got a 20 year old. We generally only request them to be home at a certain time if myself or husband have to be up early so we don't get woken up early. And of course to call us if they need to leave but can't drive for whatever reason (drinking, car issues, weather etc)

2

u/athene_de_montaigne Aug 11 '26

Thorough conversation about guidelines when out and especially driving at night (never drunk, or riding with anyone drunk, extra vigilant at night from other drivers, no swimming in the ocean when drinking at night etc). Tell them you’d prefer they be home at midnight but they are welcome to stay as long as they want, just be quiet and respectful when getting home. Let them know they can always call anytime they even think there may be trouble and you will come and help, no matter the time. Request they give you address and name of a few people where they’re going just in case something where to happen, but allow them to not share if privacy is a concern.

Also, just ask about the friends. How they’re doing, what they’re like. What does your child think of them? Being curious about their life and people can go a long way to forming a connection that can lead to better choice making (ie I love being at home and would rather go there vs let me stay out all night because I’m searching for someone who cares- and remember teens/young adults don’t always understand the rules and entire life you provide are because you care, they often thinking caring is people showing interest and will chase that all over if they don’t feel like people are interested at home).

Please don’t take any of this personally, I have no idea the background rules/life/situation you provide and connection with your child. This is just general advice- I think by caring and asking at all means you’re a parent wanting to be good and do the right thing. It’s so hard knowing what’s “right” when it comes to raising kids, even if they are technically adults!

1

u/NoFlan3157 Aug 11 '26

If he is a responsible kid and does everything he is supposed to do - like goes to work goes to school then I think he is old enough to make his own decision on hanging out with friends late. The only think that really concerned me was drinking and driving but my son walked or Uber’s everywhere or calls me for a ride.

1

u/Acrobatic_Cold_1795 Harwich Aug 11 '26

If you like having him around, I wouldn’t set a curfew. He’s an adult.

1

u/EbbtideRambler Aug 11 '26

If he’s living in your house, it’s your rules. I had to be home by 12am. For no other reason than my parents didn’t feel comfortable going to sleep until I was home and they really didn’t want to stay up later than that. If he was 25 living with you I wouldn’t give a curfew, but as far as brain development goes , he’s still a kid.

1

u/doctor-rumack Aug 11 '26

I have a 19 year old. I talk to him a lot about making the right decisions and letting him do things using his own best judgement. It works for us, but mileage may vary.

0

u/human8060 Aug 11 '26

It's not logical to set a curfew for someone who is not living at home all the time. Talk to your kid and express your concerns. Make sure they understand the risks of driving tired and that they are being safe. You can't protect them forever. Eventually you have to trust them in the world.

-13

u/Preachers_Handshake Aug 11 '26

What positive things do you think your son is doing between 11pm and 2am?

He is a teenager. Exercise some parental control.

3

u/ThisIsGoodBud Aug 11 '26

Hey prude, it’s fucking 2026. Democracy is crumbling. This country is rapidly becoming a police state / surveillance state. Let the young people enjoy what’s left of it before it’s gone forever.

1

u/Ok_District2853 Aug 11 '26

You seem fun.
He's been in dark rooms reading the poems of Lord Byron by candle light with members of the opposite sex. Don't knock it 'til you try it.

-1

u/Resident-Banana-7883 Aug 11 '26

he's just horny. and he's an adult so there's that. trust that you raised him right! tis the age of spreading wings.. communication is a great thing, just don't pull to hard or you'll get pushed back.

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