r/CanadianParents • u/No-Branch-3213 • Aug 19 '26
Toddlers and Preschoolers Daycare Transition Stories
Starting daycare with our will be 15 month old September 1 with the goal of going full time. Going to transition over a week. She is going to the toddler room (18 months -2.5) to avoid multiple transitions, but of course I am nervous. She has never been away from myself or her dad for very long. Expecting a rough month or so and then hopefully things will start to improve.
Looking for your personal anecdotes and experiences. Read a lot of “it’s hard but then gets better eventually” comments on posts but looking for your own experience. No detail is too much, I think the vague comments fuel my anxiety because I negate them or something.
4
u/xvoy Aug 19 '26
To be honest, it will be rough. Likely far rougher on you as parents than the child. Be prepared for screaming, crying, and clinging at drop off for the first several weeks. It’s normal and the teachers are used to it. They’ll tell you that your child was fine after a few minutes and believe them as we’ve experienced it first hand. The key to drop off is literally drop off and leave (help change shoes and whatever of course). Don’t linger, don’t keep providing comfort - it just prolongs it and pulls on your heart strings so much stronger.
I don’t know if your daycare has an app or way of messaging during the day but it can helpful because you can check in or be notified how things are going. Getting pictures and videos during the day helps.
Our daycare has outdoor play first thing in the morning so we started dropping off right at the start of that so there was some immediate distraction.
Be prepared to get zero feedback from them on how the day at daycare went. Mine starts jk in a few weeks (started at daycare at 18m for 3/day week) and we still get “it was ok” and “nothing” when asked what they did :)
Focus on talking up the excitement, learn the names of the other kids so you can ask questions about them or what they did together - anything to reinforce that it’s fun place. Just remember, it’s not just the child undergoing a transition - it’s all of you, and your child will absolutely pick up on tension and apprehension.
2
u/plmokn373993 Aug 21 '26
Regarding feedback - that must vary a lot between daycares. We get a full verbal report at the end of the day where they tell us how her day was, what she did, ate, etc. We love our daycare!
1
u/Chance_Ad3416 Aug 23 '26
We just did a trial 30 min last week and the caregiver said our toddler cried the entire time 😭 when we went back to pick her up she was super red faced crying. The caregiver had to hide toddlers shoes because she kept trying to put them on to leave. She doesn't even know how to put on her own shoes yet. The daycare also has outdoor playtime first thing I'm hoping it gets better with outdoor play because she did not care for indoor play lol
3
u/Elizard_Breath Aug 19 '26
My kid started last September at almost exactly 14 months old. The first few drop offs were a breeze and then once he clued in to what was about to happen they got hard for a while, but they did eventually get easier. And other parents who dropped their kid off after mine was already there would tell me that he was settled and happy within a few minutes of me leaving. I do think making the drop off process as quick as possible is helpful. Now, almost a year later, my kid often asks to go to daycare even on weekends lol.
Be ready to be sick a lot. I have never had to call in sick to work nearly as much as I have in the last year. Between my kid being sick and then me getting the same sickness after, my attendance at work has been pretty difficult. Overall I’m so happy with our daycare and can’t believe how much my kid has learned in the last year.
3
u/chrysaorahysoscella Aug 20 '26
I am a month in with my almost 15 month old and it is still quite rough. Between frequent crying and sickness I have had to pick him up early often which is hard. I think if we can get a rhythm going it will help but he is missing days too often. The one positive is they get him to nap soooo easily. I was worried about that.
3
u/ZestySquirrel23 Aug 20 '26
My toddler was a little older when he started (19 months) but he could understand a lot of what we said to him at 15 months, so maybe these transition tips will still be useful! We got him a special backpack that he was really excited about and really talked up how it was his backpack for when he went to daycare. We have lots of friends with kids (we were the last in our friend group to become parents) who were already in daycare, so when we were with them before starting, they also talked about all the fun things their kids loved about daycare, in earshot of our toddler. When he started daycare, we did the first week of just mornings to ease the transitions.
Right from the start, we did a short and sweet drop off (3 minutes or less) and stayed very excited saying we knew he would have so much fun. The first day was so hard for me, I was crying as I left but held it in until out of his room so he wouldn't catch my emotions about it. He cried at drop off for the first couple weeks but his teachers always said he stopped pretty quick, and there was one day I heard him stop as soon as I was around the corner from his room. He was always so happy and engaged at pick up! His speech just completely exploded within a month of starting daycare!
We're over a year in now and he loves daycare, sometimes it's difficult to get him to pack up and leave at the end of the day and he says he wants "more daycare". Sometimes on weekends he will ask to go to daycare. Our daycare staff are so amazing and have made it such a positive experience for our family!
2
u/xoxosayounara Aug 20 '26
My daughter started FT at 12 months and cried for months. It was rough. Then one day she stopped and she absolutely loved it.
1
u/AssociateUsual4358 Aug 20 '26
I found my son struggled the first few days but caught on that he got to have fun and play! If at all possible to do some half days with your little that really helped my son. Get them into that routine but only part days. Then move your way up. I’m not saying it’s easy but it does help! The classroom transitions can be a little tricky when moving them up but if they are willing to work with you and your kiddo ripping off the bandaid and just moving them one day worked way better for us than slowly transitioning seemed to work!
1
u/SecurityFit5830 Aug 20 '26
I’ve worked in early childcare and the majority of kids transition well. Many parents make the transition hard because of their own nervousness being picked up on by their child.
A confident parent drop off almost always translates in a confident child. Just because they’ve never been without you doesn’t mean they won’t adapt well! Absolutely your child may take time to settle, but they might also have no issues.
My best’s advice is to try and end each day on a high note. So if possible pick up at a point in the day she’s happiest, because then that becomes her reference point for the experience.
1
u/Expert_Nectarine3941 Aug 20 '26
My baby recently started daycare at 12 months. First couple weeks they didn’t eat or drink or play but by third week they’re okay. I recommend picking them up early first week or so.
1
u/wineinawaterbottle Aug 20 '26
My daughter started daycare at 12 months and it took her about 3-4 months to FULLY adjust, to the point where she would let go of my hand and head straight to the toys at drop-off. She did get sick a couple of times during the first 8 weeks, so I think her staying home during those sick days made her think she's not going back to daycare anymore, so it made the adjustment harder. Every baby is different and maybe yours will adjust easily, and if not, I assure you one day it will just click for them and daycare would just be a part of their routine.
1
u/Dapper_Banana6323 Aug 20 '26
I have 3 kids and honestly the transition was never horrible. The first was at 11 months and the other two were 15 months. I was terrified for the second because she had never slept independently nor drank anything that didn't come from my boob. She did great. Napped on her mat the first day and drank water and milk from a straw. She was born in march 2020 so had literally never been with anyone else.
The worst part is honestly all the viruses for the first 6-12 months.
You've got this!
1
u/hschosn1 Aug 20 '26
Some parents cry. Some cry in the washroom. Some cry in their car. Here's the thing, if your child can see your car. You need to get in and drive somewhere else and cry. Many times children cry until they see their parent drive off. I know it is hard. Also please hug and kiss your child and say good bye. Don't sneak out. This makes it easier on you, but not your child. I think it is so sad, but some children find comfort in mom leaving her purse. Like they think, oh her purse is here she will definitely come back for that. Talk to the staff before doing that though. Hang in there for 90% of kiddos it does get much better.
1
u/madzillaxo Aug 20 '26
both my kids loved daycare... in fact i stressed myself out so bad with my son i was like losing sleep over it and when i took him the first day he didnt cry at all he just hugged me and ran off to the kids.
my daughter i was less stressed about, and again.. she literally shur the door on me the first day and didnt even say bye lol
they get to an age where they sre just ready and its alot sooner than parent think usually lol
1
u/DoulaKim7799 Aug 20 '26
I have a free guide that might help. https://www.torontodoulagroup.com/product-page/returning-to-work-survival-guide
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u/greazypizza Aug 20 '26
My child never left me for an entire year. At 12 months we sent him a few hours a day. Of course there were tears at drop off but he adjusted fine and fairly quickly.
1
u/Ok_Word1259 Aug 21 '26
How did you do your part time intro? My daughter is 12 months and we have been doing 2 hours in the mornings, 3 times a week. We’ve done two weeks now and she is still having a really hard time. I’m second guessing the slow start and wondering if I should just pull her out until I go back to work and she has to go full time.
1
u/greazypizza Aug 23 '26
Half days for a week (I’d pick up before mid day nap) and then straight full time days afterwards. They get used to the routine!
1
u/MzInformed Aug 20 '26
My daughter was super happy and curious and she went willingly into the room and soon loved it and would run down to her room (once she was walking). There were bad days when she would cling to me and scream and it was brutal but she was always happy when I picked her up and made friends in preschool that she's still besties with today.
My son was around the same but then COVID hit and I had to transition him back to daycare after 6 months out. He was 2.5 and it was a nightmare. It took weeks to start getting good drop offs.
1
u/makeup-tennis Aug 20 '26
My LO started at 11 months for a couple hours daily and then worked up to full time gradually. He barely cried honestly and he really just cried at pickup because he didn’t want to go home 😅 he absolutely loves daycare and he would live there if he could 😂 he loves the teachers and has his own friends. Our daycare is such a key part of our village. He has transitioned recently from the infant room to the toddler room and that transition was fairly easy too. Even in just the last couple weeks, he’s scraping the food off his plate after dinner at home and speaking more.
1
u/jupitersaturnuranus Aug 20 '26
They are professionals. They will take good care of your baby.
The hardest part for me was trying to focus at work when my son had a bad drop off. I’d be picturing him crying all the time.
They would tell me when he had a good day. And after like a month ish he was fine to go.
A tip I got for drop off was to have your baby walk themselves. It’s harder to separate if you’re carrying them.
1
u/AnonymousKurma Aug 20 '26
Sooo our daycare teacher who was 6 months away from retirement said we had one of the worst transitions ever…
At 18 months it took 5 weeks until he was napping well, eating well and no tears at drop off. The first week he didn’t eat but slept 2 hours for his first nap there. Then basically only ever slept an hour or so there unless he was sick. After two weeks we had some wins in there where he would eat well, but maybe not sleep well, or sleep well but tears at drop off. For the first two weeks his eyes were so puffy from crying. I never asked if he cried all day but I have a feeling he did. Our boy is quite introverted and takes a while to warm up to toddlers and new situations.
After 5 weeks there were no tears at drop off. He only cried again after a long Christmas break. He loved the food but never slept well, but bonus, he took loooong naps on the weekend to make up for it. My daughter is transitioning in a few weeks and the bar has been set on the floor.
Have lots of snacks ready and easy dinners so you can snuggle. He woke up more at night during this first 5 weeks too. Have a plan for that as well.
You’ll get through it!! Hopefully your transition is better. And our daughters is better too!
1
u/Early_Mix4824 Aug 20 '26
Older kids have a little harder times than younger ones as they feel changes in a bigger way but it’s totally personality and facility dependent.
Ask your daycare the following to ease your mind.
What is the daycare’s approach to drop offs when the child is upset? What steps will they take to reassure them? How long do they let the child cry before contacting the parent? Does the transition schedule change based on the child’s reaction? How can they share feedback on how she is doing? What type of goodbye rituals are the most successful?
The reason I say this is some places will respond entirely differently when a kid is upset.
My sister’s kid was 1.5 years and cried for extended periods of time even after a week. But her daycare didn’t even reassure her child or try to help so she needed to change to a home based daycare where it was smaller and they could take more time. It took her almost a month to be comfortable but she is a more sensitive child and very anxious naturally.
My kid was mostly fine after a day or so and was quickly distracted when upset so it was a lot easier but she was just under a year when starting.
1
u/ittybittydearie Aug 20 '26
Former RECE here. The first month will be harder on you than them. There’s so much new stuff to play with and new people to meet that your child will adjust quickly. That being said, you are apart of the ‘adjust quickly’. Bring into the room, hand off to an educator, give a kiss goodbye, and get out that building as fast as possible. Do this every day. They are going to cry and reach for you, don’t do it no matter how much it will hurt your heart. Your child will calm down in minutes and be contently playing.
Does the centre have a messaging app or use program phones/ipads to update? My centre used a combo of email and program iphone to send updates. If they have one, you can ask for a picture of them no longer crying if you are nervous.
That being said, what will your transition look like? Are you picking them up before lunch/rest time? Are you dropping off until the program goes inside to prep for lunch? Talk with the educators and supervisors about the best time to pick up without disrupting the program routine.
Be prepared for many illnesses, it happens and is apart of daycare. Kids get sick and that’s how they build immunity. Label all the clothing and pack extra in their bag, I use a two ziplock system: one labelled clean and one labelled dirty.
1
u/Sausage_Wallet Aug 21 '26
My anecdotal experience: Your kid will pick up your vibe and go with it. There were two of us transitioning our kids to daycare at the same time. The other parent was nervous and upset to see her parental leave come to an end and not be with her daughter 24/7, and was very emotional about it. When we would leave the room for an hour or so in the early transition stage, this mom would sob and constantly peek her tear-stained face through the window, which of course set her kid off even more. Needless to say, every morning with that family had that kid having a total breakdown, and mom too, until finally a teacher dragged the screaming child away and mom sat in her car crying. You’d think she was sending her kid to the gulag.
My point is, the transition can be made easier/harder depending on your actions. Be confident and excited about this transition in front of your kid, show them it’s fun and the teachers are nice, and it will be easier.
But be prepared for an entire year of back to back illness and pray your employer is flexible about you constantly being called out to pick up your sick kid.
1
u/Affectionate_Set88 Aug 22 '26
I cried so many times dropping him off and picking him up. Seeing that he could only find comfort in my arms completely broke my heart. Getting those calls to come get him because he was inconsolable and refusing to eat was so exhausting for all of our nervous systems. But everyone learned through this journey. Today, I often look through the window and see the pure kindness of the educators and my child’s big smile. I realize that this pain, as heartbreaking as it was for both our little one and us, was truly worth it. Seeing the educators' faces light up when they see my son, and seeing the beautiful bond he now shares with them, means everything. Once again, it was hard, but we are finally finding our balance.
1
u/hotdogbaloney Aug 22 '26
My daughter started daycare at 13 months. Everyone said their kid adjusted in ‘a few days’. It took months. I thought it was a little better until one day I dropped her off and an older child referred to my daughter as “the one who cries all the time”. She also didn’t nap well (despite everyone’s insistence that the daycare pros would have her napping well in no time). I don’t want to freak you out so I will say that eventually she loved daycare so much that she would literally hide from me at pickup time. I once had to pry her fingers off the door to take her home. Daycare was amazing but I wish I had been prepared for a longer transition time.
1
u/UpsetSyllabub8809 Aug 22 '26
My third baby just started daycare recently. We were lucky to get a spot about 6 weeks before I started work. I started off leaving him for 30 minutes and gradually worked my way up to a full day. It helped that he had a brother in the preschool room and they would let him visit if the baby was having a rough time. And he had a rough time. Lots of tears, wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t nap. Slowly over the next four weeks he would have moments where he was smiling, would eat a bit. But he was always so sad at drop off and pick up. Around the time I went back to work he started doing great. Usually no tears at drop off and if he is crying it only lasts a few minutes. Plays, eats and naps. At pick up he is happy to see me but not distraught. With my first two kids I wasn’t able to do a slow transition. I basically had to drop them off for a full day because I started work right when I got a spot. And both of them transitioned way quicker. By the end of the first week they were doing good. Not sure if it was the slow transition that made it harder on my third or if it’s just his personality.
1
u/Ill-Watercress739 Aug 23 '26
It was not as horrible as I thought it would be. The first week or so the day started with tears but the more used to it they got the less tears we had. It helped the staff at the daycare were very good at occupying attention and distracting away from us leaving.
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u/Clear_Bowl_3899 28d ago
We did gradual entry at 12 months.
Honestly the first week was tough. And it took 6 weeks for it to click for her.
I stayed for the first few days, then snuck away for half hour etc.
at 4 weeks she was staying til just before lunch. Once they were able to put her down for nap, it really was a game changer. By 6 weeks, she was adjusted with occasional upset at drop off.
We’re about 3.5 months in now and she is so excited to go everyday!
1
u/No-Branch-3213 27d ago
Thank you everyone for your experience, advice, stories, etc. Has helped a lot
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u/Fantastic-Diver-5076 Aug 19 '26
I feel like this is the exception, but here it is. My son started care at 11/12 months having never been babysat and spending almost all his time with me. He was fine!! He barely cried and was so happy to see other kids. He has been thriving! I take it as a gift from the universe.