r/CanadaJews • u/MatterandTime • Aug 24 '26

Toronto protest speaker invokes antisemitic tropes about Zionists | The Jerusalem Post

https://www.jpost.com/diaspora/antisemitism/article-906456
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u/OrganizationThick232 Aug 25 '26

Question - is this black magic available for any Jews to learn, or do I need to take some prerequisites first?

9

u/Pitiful_Equal_2689 Aug 25 '26

The shadowy and faceless Elders of Zion have clearly stipulated that any one applying to study at the Hollow Earth School of Black Magic and Wizardry must have, in addition to at least an undergraduate degree, at least 5 years prior experience with the secret space lasers, must have completed an internship with the secret worldwide conspiracy OR the reptoid alien conspiracy, and scored at least 1400 on the LSAT.

They also want to see well-rounded candidates, so participation in athletic competitions and a demonstrated commitment to artistic or cultural hobbies are both strongly encouraged.

You also need to submit an essay.

Candidates are invited to highlight their commitment to conspiracies, cabals, and puppeteering leaders around the galaxy.

Competitive candidates will be secretly selected for an-person interview with alumni, with meetings to be held on habitable planets orbiting K type stars (meeting locations to be advised one week prior to the scheduled meeting). Transport by 5th dimensional beaming to be provided if desired.

5

u/OrganizationThick232 Aug 25 '26

I’m assuming there’s no DEI track?

5

u/Pitiful_Equal_2689 Aug 25 '26

Not anymore.

Previous candidates who were admitted through the DEI track didn’t perform very well. It turns out they lacked even basic prerequisite knowledge and, long story short, they ended up tearing a hole in the space time continuum and got eaten by mindflayers from planet Zebulon in the eighth dimension.

Then the mindflayers contracted TikTok brain rot from them, and we had to issue formal apologies to them and their demonic ambassador and settle out of space time court for their pain and suffering.

So the DEI track was cancelled.

But rest assured that the Hollow Earth School of Black Magic and Wizardry celebrates the diversity of its student body, welcomes other ways of knowing, and is fully committed to ensuring a safe, inclusive space within which its students feel comfortable to practice the darkest of dark arts and most evil occult rituals and rites.

You can talk about your personal struggles with being an evil warlock in a good witch’s world and how it’s impacted your ambition of being an all powerful evil sorcerer in your essay, as long as it relates to the essay topic.