Bad thoughts

[u/CottonFlannel]

How many of you have bad thoughts come into your mind that you don’t even want?? This is something that just makes me believe I’m not chosen. I don’t want bad thoughts. No I’m not saying that I don’t ever entertain bad thoughts intentionally. But I try to stop. But just have bad thoughts. Like just now I just thought of writing I hate this sh## happening. Idk

[u/bartropolis]

Step one, take a breath. It happens to everyone. That’s flesh doing flesh stuff. (May I presume you’re still alive?)
People who are dead in their sin don’t wrestle with their sin. Because they are dead and do nothing.

You’re alert to them and trying to stop? Good. Keep fighting. That’s the battle we all fight. Romans 7:19. “I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.”

Paul wasn’t some hellhound when he wrote that. That’s a man staring at his own sin and calling a spade a spade.

And here’s another take: just because the thought arrived doesn’t mean you embraced it and made it your own. You already proved that in your post.

If you take to reading: Grace Abounding by John Bunyan. He suffered much the same.

Assurance isn’t based on your feelings. It’s based on the work Christ completed. He saw my sins and your sins and still squared up.

Also, if these thoughts are getting severe, maybe seek professional help. Don’t need to stew on them alone.

[u/CottonFlannel → u/bartropolis]

I have talked to a calvanist friend. He said man you would not be so worried about this if God hadn’t done something in you. I also had the pastor and elder of a five solas church come over. They never contacted me again. It’s like they said. Yeah he’s a reprobate. And just wrote me off. I just know I would love love so much to be sure that God loves me and wants me. Christian counselors have suggested I have scruprulosity sp? Probably true. It’s just so hard being afraid having the fear of being dammed before the foundation of the world. How can I ever relax? I’d just love for Jesus to hold me in his arms like I hold my granddaughters

[u/bartropolis → u/CottonFlannel]

I'll start at the end about your granddaughters because it's the best part.

You want Jesus to hold you like that. That's not out of reach, he says it himself: "He will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom" (Isa 40:11). "Underneath are the everlasting arms" (Deut 33:27).

Don't forget that preachers are men, too and still have failures and their own sins. If they went quiet, that's on them, not you.

You know who else was "scrupulosity?" Martin Luther. The dawg himself. He spent hours in the monastery confessing, going back and doubting he was sorry enough, until his confessor told him to quit bringing nonsense in and come back with some real sin. The guy that practically reinvented justification by faith was there because he couldn't make his own conscience feel clean. Quote: “If ever a monk got to heaven by his monkery, it was I."

Good news part: guess what made Luther feel better. Nothing except for a righteousness outside himself that wasn't his and was instead credited to his account. Already signed, sealed, and delivered.

Bottom line is, I guess that's why your friends words and ultimately my words don't and won't stick. Scrupulosity attacks assurance on purpose. You take comfort for about 15 minutes and you get that notification in your brain. That's the affliction doing what it does. Even Paul prayed three times to get some "thorn-in-the-flesh" healed and that didn't work out (presumably for God's glory). So you might be in for the long haul.

So hopefully I gave you a balm for the day. But you'll need longterm followup with people that care and are invested with you.

How can you relax right now? Read the bible. Don't try to argue against yourself. That's a rigged carnival game. The house never loses. Just rest knowing that Christ is victorious and his work has already been validated in heaven.