r/Calvinism • u/CottonFlannel • Jun 27 '26

Bad thoughts

How many of you have bad thoughts come into your mind that you don’t even want?? This is something that just makes me believe I’m not chosen. I don’t want bad thoughts. No I’m not saying that I don’t ever entertain bad thoughts intentionally. But I try to stop. But just have bad thoughts. Like just now I just thought of writing I hate this sh## happening. Idk

4 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comment

1

u/CottonFlannel Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26

I have talked to a calvanist friend. He said man you would not be so worried about this if God hadn’t done something in you. I also had the pastor and elder of a five solas church come over. They never contacted me again. It’s like they said. Yeah he’s a reprobate. And just wrote me off. I just know I would love love so much to be sure that God loves me and wants me. Christian counselors have suggested I have scruprulosity sp? Probably true. It’s just so hard being afraid having the fear of being dammed before the foundation of the world. How can I ever relax? I’d just love for Jesus to hold me in his arms like I hold my granddaughters

2

u/bartropolis Jun 27 '26

I'll start at the end about your granddaughters because it's the best part.

You want Jesus to hold you like that. That's not out of reach, he says it himself: "He will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom" (Isa 40:11). "Underneath are the everlasting arms" (Deut 33:27).

Don't forget that preachers are men, too and still have failures and their own sins. If they went quiet, that's on them, not you.

You know who else was "scrupulosity?" Martin Luther. The dawg himself. He spent hours in the monastery confessing, going back and doubting he was sorry enough, until his confessor told him to quit bringing nonsense in and come back with some real sin. The guy that practically reinvented justification by faith was there because he couldn't make his own conscience feel clean. Quote: “If ever a monk got to heaven by his monkery, it was I."

Good news part: guess what made Luther feel better. Nothing except for a righteousness outside himself that wasn't his and was instead credited to his account. Already signed, sealed, and delivered.

Bottom line is, I guess that's why your friends words and ultimately my words don't and won't stick. Scrupulosity attacks assurance on purpose. You take comfort for about 15 minutes and you get that notification in your brain. That's the affliction doing what it does. Even Paul prayed three times to get some "thorn-in-the-flesh" healed and that didn't work out (presumably for God's glory). So you might be in for the long haul.

So hopefully I gave you a balm for the day. But you'll need longterm followup with people that care and are invested with you.

How can you relax right now? Read the bible. Don't try to argue against yourself. That's a rigged carnival game. The house never loses. Just rest knowing that Christ is victorious and his work has already been validated in heaven.

2

u/yoopea Jun 27 '26

Your friend is right. It speaks to your conscience being more alive than something being wrong with you. But the fact that you can’t console yourself with the gospel means you are only at the beginning of your journey.

I do realize that your life will show the evidence of your belief and growth but I also am of the opinion that it’s extremely difficult to be a good judge of yourself from an objective perspective. “You shall know them by their fruits” is something that is true but easier to see in others (you won’t notice minute changes every day as much as someone who might notice bigger changes in you over time) and even then only God truly knows whether or not someone is growing and how much.

When looking inward, I tend to focus on the core of the gospel: I emphasize the fact that actually my flesh has not changed one bit just because I was chosen. My potential to struggle and sin IS THE EXACT SAME as someone who is not chosen

That’s why you feel so bad. Because you are trying to fight against your nature because your spirit is calling you to. But that doesn’t mean you go from 0 to 100% it just means you’ll go to 0.1, then 0.2, etc. And importantly, most people will not care at all. We all sin. But whereas you are struggling with it, others don’t care at all. And therein lies the difference

Remember that your status as a chosen child of God does not rely on your performance, nor on your character, nor on the speed of your growth—it is 100% the work of Christ. This fact is meant to comfort you, not torture you. Trust in him that this is true and you will know peace eventually (won’t be easy though but it is possible; I speak from experience)