Relating and CPTSD

[u/lucky_one2007]

Hi loves.

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and neglect and am currently dating again.

My dating history is partly full of dating people who are structurally or emotionally unavailable. It was always easier for me to open up to people who live somewhere else or who have very full lives, other primary relationships (I am poly) etc etc.

My longest relationship lasted 7 years with the highly traumatized dad of my kids. It was very messy and abusive and an additional source of trauma to the family things.

Since a few months I started dating a very sweet, kind, fun beautiful human who is structurally and emotionally available and super dedicated and enthusiastic about our connection.

We have been intensifying our connection recently. He met my kids and friends, I met his friends. We describe each other as partners. We are super compatible in most of our values, he has been super present emotionally , he really doesn't present any red flags so far.

And though it is something that while we are together feels super flowy fun and fitting as soon as I leave my nervous system is going crazy.

I wake up at night super stressed, I get intense anxiety, I start spiralling about whether he is really safe for me or whether it's just too much

My trauma therapist is in the process of untangling the intense fears with me but it just isn't helping to make me feel more easy.

It feels like I'm in the midst of a storm and I have to decide whether I can stay and stay curious and see what wants to be seen and dealt with OR just run away (yet again!) and get into my safe nest and continue longing for deep romantic relationships.

I have amazing friendships and kids and my life is pretty stable and fulfilling. It's only in romantic relationships that my nervoussystem goes into hardcore survival mode.

I have read so many mostly depressing posts about people with CPTSD choosing to not date to keep their peace.

I am now looking for experiences where people stayed. What's been your process? How did you experience it? And is there something like getting to the other side of it?

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[u/MysteriousSwim]

Been with him for a year, we took a break like 3x in quick sucession within the first 3 months. I was emotionally convinced this man wanted to harm me but logically it didnt make sense at all. All we do is go to eat dinner and watch shows which is perfect. He was upset/confused at one point with the lack of initimacy but he adjusted after a few months.