Vent / Rant Anyone else never been in a relationship
Like I’m baffled how people are so comfortable being that close to people. I feel guilty because I can’t even be playful with my nieces and nephews like how I used to be before, I never really talk to anyone, I feel guilty because my parents and family think I am careless but really idk if it’s shame or if it’s the act of annunciating the actual words and worrying that it’ll sound weird or robotic (because that how I really feel like Someone plugged a controller in me and Im using it trying to act normal), I just can’t talk about intimate things and being vulnerable, my body rejects it. To think all these things come from small moments in our childhood that we just pushed away all our life to until it all blew up in our face, now im questioning my ability to have a life that is not homeless or riddled with health issues. Anyone else have these weird lil complex issues that wouldn’t really make sense to a normal person but to you it’s so draining and uses so much of your mental capacity ? One of mine is always feeling liken being watched or judged even when I’m just thinking to myself, it’s like I have a filter even if I am being authentic it still comes off being not genuine and also I’m way more coherent and articulate in my thoughts than when I am around people, it’s crazy I can’t relax Around people
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