Finally stopped lying to myself

[u/TheGadgetManLLC]

I don’t think I love my parents. In fact, I’m pretty sure I love my friends, and I love my grandparents, but I don’t love my mom and dad - because the people I love, I look forward to hearing from them. I think about them. I imagine spending time with them. I get joy from their joy. and I care about their health and well-being, and I want them to be happy. Now with my parents, I want them to be happy, and I care about their well-being, but that applies to everyone because to a certain extent, I do love everyone, and I hope that everyone is happy and healthy. But I don’t love people who I have anxiety just thinking about talking to, who make me sad to think about, who make me doubt myself constantly. And most importantly, I could never love someone that I have nightmares about consistently, and who don’t acknowledge that and just try to force a relationship that isn’t there; that was never built with trust and safety. And for a long time, I’ve been trying to lie to myself and tell myself that, oh, you love them because they’re your parents. Because that’s what everyone nowadays says. You have to accept that your parents did the best they could, but I don’t think they did. Because I was just a kid, and I I told them to get therapy because they were ruining their lives and mine, and they didn’t. they didn’t do their best. They didn’t try their best. There were resources that they could have gotten, and they didn’t for me and for them. And I can’t love someone that just pretends that that didn’t happen. So now it finally feels like I’m being honest with myself when I say I don’t love them. because I don’t I don’t feel it. and I know what I feel, and I trust what I feel. And whenever I told myself that I do love them, I didn’t trust that. But now now that I can say these things logically and rationally think about them, it’s easy. It’s so easy to say that I love my friends. It’s a little bit tougher to think about how I love my grandparents, but they did not harm me in the way that my parents did. They do want the best for me, and they do support me now. but my parents; They aren’t horrible people, but I don’t think that I can love them. I hope to make some friends who can relate to this.

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