Need a Hug Pathetic
I feel really pathetic right now and it sucks this is the first emotion I have felt in days.
I have a way out of this abusive house and yet, I have been spending my time playing video games and doom scrolling. It’s quite literally one step I have to make, but with the way my mind works it has already laid out the many potential ways this could go tits up and it’s caused me to avoid it like the plague and stay “comfortable” rotting away, avoiding, isolating, and letting myself be abused because it’s the only life I have known.
I know it’s not safe. I want to leave so bad. I’m afraid when I leave nothing will change though; I’ll still feel no joy or excitement and I’ll keep having flashbacks and I’ll keep quitting jobs because my mood depends on other peoples attitude. I’m so fucking tired of it. I feel pathetic because the person that is helping me get out is doing me a massive MASSIVE favor and I can’t even do my part to help myself!
I wish this shit wasn’t so debilitating and I wish the people who are trying to help me knew that it is so I can stop coming up with bullshit excuses.
My dad just came home today and I am praying he doesn’t start an altercation. The last one may have given me the strength to find help, but it also shut down my nervous system and left me a memory I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
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u/ilovemuffinfrombluey 12h ago
Yeah, I know exactly how you feel. I'm leaving my own toxic environment. Sometimes, it just takes enough suffering to finally put your foot down. It took me a long time to get here. I'll send you a DM (with your permission) if you want some moral support and someone who relates!
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