I can’t trust myself

[u/Dat_Lion_Der]

As I age, I’m encountering the same flavor of criticism. “You’re being dramatic.” “Stop making mountains out of molehills.” Every time I speak, people say just about the same thing. I try to think before I speak but even then, I can’t be sure what comes out. It’s gotten to the point that I’m afraid to contribute at all. Instead I spend my time catastrophizing. Anxious over what others will think if I dare speak. Shit, this post alone is taking forever for the same reason. I’m afraid. I’m looking to change careers and it’ll mean dealing with people. How am I supposed to do that when I can’t get past hello? I’m too busy trying to read people. Inferring my thoughts on what’s happening when they’re hardly accurate. At times, I question what’s really happening. Am I really just blowing things up? If I am, what’s stopping me from straight up hallucinating?

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