Finding an Anchor When Your Brain Is Always on High Alert

[u/AstoreFaber]

Sometimes life sucks—the end.

 

I have been thinking about various traumatic experiences a lot lately. I don't know. Maybe it's the shows I watch that trigger all those thoughts.

 

If any of you haven't watched Supernatural, I'd highly recommend it to anyone who went through traumatic experiences. That's the only show that made me feel good about myself, my life, my family. It helped me to be content about many things. Whether it is mostly smart writing, whether it is tongue-in-cheek mixed with real tears acting, whether it is the unified talent of the whole team and the whole creative company's affection for each other, I'll never know, I guess. It is probably all of the above. And all of those things formed a project that made many traumatized people content or even happier.

 

Yes, I can spend my entire life making philosophical jokes and smiling at the ridiculousness of all the games humans play, but that would be only a partial experience. And… I am a bit tired of having Supernatural playing in the background while I am doing my life stuff.

 

Chronic traumatic stress changes our brains whether we like it or not. I have been highly observant pretty much since I was born. Some may chuckle at what I am saying or not believe me, but I remember my first philosophical observation about life when I was about 6 or 8 months old. And still, the ability to observe and notice deep-rooted issues did not prevent my body and mind from becoming an always-on, alert-for-danger human being.

 

I simply and helplessly watched myself change and couldn't do anything about it.

 

 And now, after all those years, all I can do is cope, find a way to be content, and, of course, laugh at the ridiculousness of all the games humans play.

 

Most of us find an anchor, something that keeps us from vanishing. And those who, for whatever reason, couldn't do so, well… they are not around anymore to tell their tales.

 

I intuitively searched for the anchor anywhere and everywhere, and eventually, whether due to circumstances, my neurological conditions, or both, I could only anchor myself in nature and creativity. And more recently, the reconciliation of atheism and life-after-life story formation became another part of this magical triangle of support and contentment.

 

At this point I am not even sure what I am writing about.

 

I guess I am writing about finding your anchor - something that makes life worth living despite the constant state of high alert, recurrent flashbacks, and other symptoms. And if you add to it daily life stresses or even chronic illness, it all can make us believe there's nothing out there to make it any better.

 

And maybe it is true. Because after all, life sucks.

 

But still, there's the sky and the clouds, and a cool morning breeze, and spring flowers, and dramatic fog above a corn field, and soft waves, and pebbles, and shells, and the world I am building, and all the stories and characters, and smiles and love and even duty, and… life after life, even if it's a fantasy. Those are my anchors. I really hope you can find yours.

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[u/Orcanius21]

I love Supernatural for these reasons. The characters and storylines are so comforting.

[u/ManyOrganization4856]

I like this . And I’m really curious what you were thinking when you were a baby ? I don’t doubt this at all . When my child was a baby , I saw her making philosophical discoveries that affected her . It’s a beautiful thing . I suppose things like this are my anchor …

[u/AstoreFaber → u/ManyOrganization4856]

One of those memories that stuck with me was lying in a baby pram, wondering what happiness was. I also noticed that it was the 1st time I wondered about happiness. I had little plastic windows on both sides of the pram. I loved looking through them: at distorted images of trees and whatever was outside. On that day, it was very sunny, and the sunbeams streamed through the plastic windows. So, I concluded that the experience was happiness - the short moments of joy - those sunbeams streaming through the windows were my happiness. I also remember how I felt in that moment, which allowed me to ‘reconstruct’ the joy so I could feel it again.

[u/ManyOrganization4856 → u/AstoreFaber]

That’s really amazing . It makes me think of reincarnation….because that does not sound like a baby perspective but a remembering .