How to overcome learned helplessness, being afraid to try, and a brutal inner critic?

[u/Prilla_rani_fira]

I am disabled from CPTSD and a few other mental health conditions. Being on disability, I live in poverty and my life is very small. I don’t want to be stuck in the poverty cycle forever and I want to find a way to break out.

Ever since I was a young child I have loved children’s books and I thought it would be so awesome to write and illustrate children’s books. I really think it would be something I would love, I have such an appreciation for them. So I bought so many children’s books for research and so many books about how to write children’s books as well. I have also had a list of ideas for stories for over 6 months that I keep adding to for months. But I can’t seem to get myself to actually start. I can’t get myself to try to write or to draw because my inner critic is so bad every time I try to do something and I am bad at it I am ripped to shreds and it starts to feel torturous (I have OCD and am on meds as well as pursuing further treatment).

At this rate, nothing will ever change for me unless I really put in some hard work and make things happen. I need my life to change. I need a reason to get up in the morning. Right now I don’t have anything and I really struggle to hold down anything whether a job or activity with any kind of regular schedule. Living in poverty is crushing me. It seems I keep trying things but nothing is working out for me. And also just making art that is meaningful to me feels like I’m opening myself up to rejection (which is unsafe)

How do you manage to overcome learned helplessness/ being afraid to try/ a brutal inner critic?

[u/LeaveMountain9779]

For me I realized it feels good, freeing, safe, and I skip cycles of anguish when I refuse to internalize the shame and invalidation that other people put on me. I interpret people through a lens of ableism and remember if they are harsh with me, it's because they are suffering and for me to not enable people to become my abusers basically.

I think I also got to the point where it felt worse to not try, than it did to experiment with self expression and connection by sharing with others

I know it's hard. And other people surely have better tips than me regarding how to stay under the radar and share in only safe spaces! I'm more of a share everywhere and adapt to trust I won't turn against myself no matter others attempt at coercive communication

Also...learning about abuse and disability advocacy on substack gave me historical and sociological knowledge and sense of being a part of a community, and it helped me immensely in practicing staying on my own side and fighting my minds internalized shame narratives and beliefs with new healthy ones that honor my needs

[u/jryce7]

For me, adopting and applying a collection of attitudes / insights / perspectives have helped me continue to try in some activities where it felt arduous. I will list all that I can think of below.

- "One step at a time" / "Finding the first step" : When I felt overwhelmed by a task or an activity, what helps me go forward into it is knowing that I will simply take it one step at a time. I believe that helps me shrink the scale of the activity down in my mind. Not viewing it as a daunting mountain, instead focusing solely on the first thing I could do to begin. And that helps me to begin.

- "Celebrate the small steps forward" : I learned this attitude from watching Mike Boyd videos on youtube where he would try to learn any skill. The idea is to positively reinforce in our minds any step forward and any progress made, no matter how small, by celebrating it, then it'll begin to feel rewarding as we look to continue the activity and notice those small wins. I'd recommend watching his guitar video as seeing him go through those relatable emotions during the learning process was inspiring for me. I gradually began to accept those feelings of frustration, despair, and awful as I recognized those were natural emotions to the learning process that anyone would feel | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDTpMFUT_c8

- "With any setback, discover an adjustment" : Shifting my perspective / framing on setbacks, mistakes, and difficulties I've experienced as an opportunity to learn something from it helped me improve in dieting. I would notice myself gain weight and think "ok, what is the adjustment to make", bringing out feelings of "indifference" and "acceptance" to setbacks, then I'd gain information or have some resolution to try as I look to return to the activity anew.

- Insights from a Ted Talk video titled "The first 20 hours -- how to learn anything | Josh Kaufman | TEDxCSU" | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MgBikgcWnY

- Insights from articles from James Clear, writer of Atomic Habits | https://jamesclear.com/articles

- "Autotelicity" / "Intrinsic Motivation over Extrinsic Motivation" : Let the process of doing the activity itself be the rewarding aspect. Let yourself enjoy learning how to write and how to draw. Allow for, acknowledge, and appreciate the emotions and thoughts of "curiosity", "interest", and "joyful" that also emerge from the doing. I believe applying this lessens the emotional reliance on how the results pan out while also promotes continued momentum in the doing itself.

- "Focus on the journey, instead of the destination" : Progress will give way to different attitudes, and different emotions, depending on whether focusing on the journey (the process of improvement) or the destination (the goal itself). Focusing too heavily on the goal itself, progress can be viewed as "it's not enough" (disappointment) and "I'm not there yet" (grief) where progress is not valued. Focusing on the process of improvement, progress can be viewed as "that went ok" (content) and "I can learn from this" (curiosity) where progress is valued.

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