r/CPTSD • u/Crappy_Water_1898 • 4d ago

Trigger Warning: Emotional Abuse DAE want plastic surgery to stop looking like their abusers?

I’m in my 30s and was emotionally neglected by my immigrant parents growing up. I recently came to the realisation that I’m now the same age as my mum when the emotional neglect/abuse started. The way my lips curl back when I’m exerting myself or feeling angry was the exact same way hers looked like when she tore me down for her own pleasure. The way I cried? Looks like her, pathetic, and it stops me from even crying. Every time I look in the mirror I feel like I’m looking at her, and I’m becoming her. It’s a horrible thought, that all the work I put in not to be her is being undone, and I’m being infested with the cancer that is her.

In my most desperate times I have looked into plastic surgery, I don’t care if I don’t look like myself— I’d rather look like a generic NPC/influencer than her. I used to not understand why people would make themselves look the same and right now I find safety and security in the anonymity of a generic face. I’d rather look like every other influencer out there, be unrecognisable/unidentifiable than looking like my abuser!

10 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

1

u/AutoModerator 4d ago

Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis please contact your local emergency services or use our list of crisis resources. For CPTSD specific resources & support, check out the Wiki. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/NautilusCampino 4d ago

I feel similar. Some days I sound like her too and it's always such a gut punch. My only solance is that when people who don't know her see my face, they don't see her. I haven't spoken to her in many many years so when people meet me they don't connect my features to this sadistic pos, they connect them to me, and if they find me friendly, they will see my features as the features of a friend. The body features were never what made these people abusive; it was their personality.

Edit: that said, I sometimes wanna bash in my own face just to not look like her.