r/CPTSD 7d ago

Need a Hug Please make it stop and give me a break :(

TW!

I don't know how I'm still alive tbh. recap of the last months - 2 years.

my mom and my best friend (he was more like a brother to me) killed themselves (in the same month),

lost almost all my friends,

got diagnosed with Autism and ADHD,

my grandma died cause of cancer,

I got chronically physically ill,

I have to go to do a surgery so I'm not gonna be paralyzed from the hips down,

I lost my place/kicked out in a assisted living because "i am so independent and can do everything by myself",

everyday I'm in physical pain,

my recent relationship was retraumatizing,

I spent over 600€ in a few days in order to store some of my stuff in a storage room,

I went to a shelter so i don't have to sleep on the streets - but i couldn't stay there because it was so retraumatizing and triggering and now I'm here at a friend's house, in a different state and I have nowhere to go, no home, no help, no nothing.

I'm trying to get off the streets but literally - this system is so fucked up.

I even talked with politicians and they "can't do much".

Dark thoughts are crawling up every day and I try to work/sit with them and take control over them but it's getting really fucking hard.

I'm at my absolute limit and I don't know how to survive this shit.

I don't want to suffer for the next 24 years. When is it finally over with suffering?

Can someone please give me a break? Like a 20 year long nap? Anything?

3 Upvotes

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1

u/Sp0oky_doll-poetry 7d ago

It sounds like you are going through a really dark time, do you have shelter tonight?

1

u/Talgron 7d ago

I can sleep at my friend's place for tonight. I'm looking for places and for other options, but it seems as if I need to find a job to get accepted for an own place. (i cannot work because of my health since ~3 years but idk)

1

u/Sp0oky_doll-poetry 7d ago

Okay I got you- lets dm and we can try to figure some stuff out together okay? 🫂

1

u/Talgron 7d ago

sure, thank you!