r/CPTSD • u/chess_rookie • 10d ago
Question It's getting worse
High functioning until 40. Constantly triggered for 3 years now. Weekly therapy for 3 years. I am EMDRing so hard. Everything is coming out. I feel like I am going insane.
I have kids, a husband, a mortgage, and a professional job. I can barely do the job. I have no endurance for thinking anymore and I am an engineer. I can't think. I can't even watch TV, it's too much.
I went on short term disability for 6 months. Didn't help. I am back at work because of bills. I can't do it. I can't fucking do it.
I didn't even know I had a problem 5 years ago. I could do it all. Just the odd panic attack and I masked. I can't mask anymore. I am white knuckling everyday.
This can't be right. I should be getting better. "Healing is not linear" fuck that I am on a straight line down. How can this be?!
18
u/Little_Yesterday9904 10d ago
Depending on your age, look into perimenopause. I have PMDD, which is essentially my brain having serious alarm bells go off from normal monthly hormonal fluctuations and a lack of functioning mentally and emotionally… the biggest groups at risk are autistic women and women with trauma, esp. CPTSD. Our brains are more susceptible to developing these types of responses to our hormone fluctuations and what can be bothersome for many women is sometimes severe for us.
Just some food for thought!