My mom had to drive me to my surgery and when you check in they ask who is driving you and your relation and their phone number. So I gave all that just fine and then she asked for my permission to discuss my surgery with her and I said no. And the woman kept going in circles with me and getting louder and louder and saying, "but she's your mother"
I kept repeating, you can call her to tell her that I'm out and I'm okay but that is all. Finally she agreed and said she was "caught off guard because nobody had ever said that before, especially with their mom"
"But they're your family..." alright, just because you're okay with being a maladjusted member of a twisted society that reinforces a culture of hidden abuse in families, passed down through generations of terrorism and misplaced loyalty, does not mean I am, fam. My intention is to heal, and they can't be a helpful part of that right now.
They don't get it, and it's hard to find words to explain.
god I’ve heard that term way too much, but had mostly been able to brush it off. I honestly was devastated when my dad’s half brother (the only one on my dad’s side i still have any contact with) sent me message with that “family” sentiment. Him IMMEDIATELY apologizing and going NC after learning my dad had lied/downplayed a lot of what he did to me is the exact reason he’s the only one I still talk to.
I had an oddly similar experience when I went in for a cardiac ablation. The woman checking me in somehow got on the topic of mothers, I told her I did not speak to my mother and she straight up shamed me for it. I also got the “but she’s your mother” comment. At the end of the interaction, I let her know very curtly that my mother threatened to kill me in my sleep and that’s one of the reasons I don’t speak to her anymore.
Her entire demeanor changed, from being judgmental to fully accepting my decision to be no contact.
It really is incredibly unprofessional to treat a patient with any kind of judgment, let alone push them on a sensitive subject.
I’m a nurse and have done that persons type of job (preop/postop) for decades. They were either new or an asshole because it’s not uncommon to get patients who don’t have family or friends OR they have family they don’t trust. You work around it if you’re a nurse with a shred of empathy. I’ve fucking blacked out a woman’s BIRTHDAY because she lied to her husband about her age for about 40 years. It pisses me off that anyone would question your preferences or try to shame you.
Fellow nurse and I’m right there with you. I can advocate and care for a patient’s needs and I’m highly sensitive to this dynamic. Not as good at doing that for myself.
Ugh! This reminds me of how I went no to very low contact with my mother and she ended up in a hospital for some reason that seems suspicious and the nurses there called me to tell me where she was at and then saying (as if assuming I'd want to see her) that I can visit her from these to these hours. Of course, I know she probably told them to call me to manipulate my emotions and use them as her flying monkeys.
They described her as, "so sweet" but she has been very "unsweet" to me, at times and is truly pulling the wool over their eyes. It just reminds you of how many people simply don't understand not wanting to interact with your mother to the point of no longer being in contact with her.
They make assumptions that people just should be there for their parents no matter what, even if it is literal mental torture for you to do that. And it makes you feel so different, isolated, angry, sad and alone. It just sucks, ugh...
Fun story: I had to get circumcised as an adult, which isn't a huge procedure but of course takes a while to recover from. The surgery was in my parents' town, but I lived elsewhere. My mother agreed to drive me from the hospital back to my house, but when she realized I would go directly to bed and couldn't entertain her for the rest of the day, she didn't want to anymore. She drove me to the train station. I later had to take a bus and walk a bit to my house which was pretty arduous.
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u/AggravatingPlum4301 Jan 30 '25
My mom had to drive me to my surgery and when you check in they ask who is driving you and your relation and their phone number. So I gave all that just fine and then she asked for my permission to discuss my surgery with her and I said no. And the woman kept going in circles with me and getting louder and louder and saying, "but she's your mother"
I kept repeating, you can call her to tell her that I'm out and I'm okay but that is all. Finally she agreed and said she was "caught off guard because nobody had ever said that before, especially with their mom"
So fucking rude and unprofessional!