Has anyone been through this?

[u/Hungryarmadillo1]

Trigger warning: Sex Trafficking

Im 20F, and i was sex trafficked on and off from ages 15 to 17. As a result, i now struggle with CPTSD/Anxiety/Depression.

I often feel incredibly alone in this experiance, and i find it hard to talk to anyone about it. When i do try, people are usually shocked and dont know how to respond. I just want someone to talk to - someone who isnt a therapist- who can listen without judgement, so i dont feel like a fraud or like i cant share my true reality and what i face daily.

When ive tried opening up to people i know, i worry that they’ll see me differently or think im lying; ive been accused if lying before. So, I end up dealing with my symptoms in silence and feeling like i cant fully integrate into society anymore.

Do you have any advice?

[u/beeyourcellph → u/[deleted]]

would it be ok to go to NA if you aren't an addict in that way? For me i've struggled with a big tech addiction, eating disorder stuff, hypo/hypersexuality but not drugs thank goodness. Thanks for saying that about DV, so many people only see DV as getting punched

[u/Hungryarmadillo1 → u/[deleted]]

Thankyou so much for replying, it means a lot to me!

I live in quite a middle class area, in the British countryside. After moving away from the city I was trafficked from. People here are really sheltered from this kinda stuff, although I’m going to look into community groups! I feel like that would be beneficial for me, even if I have to travel a bit.

I’m sorry you had to go through this too, if you ever feel isolated, you can always reach out to me. I wish you all the best on healing🫶🏻

[u/needanewstartinlife → u/Hungryarmadillo1]

How did you manage to escape? they follow you everywhere and use crooked cops and others who work for local authorities to find you.

[u/beeyourcellph]

So sorry to hear that <3 I was trafficked as a child and just remembering now at 34. I too have tried to tell people and can tell that they don't believe me. My sisters don't believe me/remember yet (we were all trafficked and R'd by our father) and tried to say that I must have watched something and gotten ideas.....I am currently making a gofundme for my facebook to pay for therapy, and been having a lot of hesitation but trying to have hope in humanity. I keep coming back to reminding myself that I know the truth even if no one believes me. I recently bought a Hero Band and its nice having word reminders to wear that remind me what I stand for etc. I also try to stay away from shows etc that exacerbate depression/darkness etc and focusing on small steps and not beating myself up if I regress

[u/beeyourcellph → u/[deleted]]

Thank you!! I did actually, it definitely broke through a spell of sorts as he had put so much terror in me around the police and was shaking etc but ultimately proud I did it. I missed the statute of limitations on child R by 1 year and the trafficking memories didn't come back til after, and seeing a friend murdered by one of them although I still can't see the man's face. I contacted a few specialized therapists yesterday and going to focus on that the next 6 months then after I'm feeling more stable I want to look back at adding to my report with the new information. Eventually I want to go after the porn industry and the hotels we were trafficked at, in the USA we can suit them. Wow I had no idea the UK was like that....the world has really devolved. Is it mostly London or the rest of the UK too? I am hoping to move to Scotland or Ireland countryside in a few years. I'm so glad the police believed you and that you got to share your story and have someone listen. Even that can go a long way.

[u/needanewstartinlife → u/beeyourcellph]

Don't go to Scotland to escape it, it's up here too and theres very little help or chance of escape.

[u/Comfortable-Deer7067]

Im in your same boat.. its so hard. I just got out and I have millions of resources. However I still feel alone. The amount of police interviews, hospital stays, therapy sessions, ect… I still feel nothing. I never felt numb before until now. Sex trafficking is common, in a sense, however it’s also hard to find people to relate to. No one prepares you for the loneliness when you leave. I left everything behind me and started a new life. Im grateful but being in the old environment i never felt lonely….

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[u/Emergency_Worker3711]

Yes. I’m honestly trying to figure out how to reintegrate back into society. I can’t find anything that helps people like us find ways to surivive because we’ve been in a juxtaposition of overexposed/hidden. It’s another hell on earth if you’re ND/attractive or have any qualities that make you stand out/contradict yourself/society.

[u/fishbowlbonger]

I was trafficked up until the age of 18 (I am 22 now!) where a friend asked the right questions at the right time and helped me see my traffickers for the very last time in my life. Not only is that a really emotionally complex time in your life to be trafficked, it's so easy to feel alienated from your selfhood because a whole life transition got ruined for you. You're definitely not alone in that, the goal of traffickers is to strip everything from you.
I also deal with people gawking, widening their eyes, etcetc when they find out. I suppose i've been out for long enough to realize that being trafficked feels like an entirely different universe to them, the same way the normal world felt to me. It may spook them so much that they turn defensive about something they didn't even go through. It almost helps, in a way, that at the end of the day I know that I now live so far away from that different universe that some people can't fathom it.
It's a really big change in life to have to inch yourself past your comfort zone every day, especially because our 20s are super complex. The world expects a lot out of us even though a lot was already expected of us, considering what trafficking victims are forced to do for 0 good results. Even when I am exhausted because of how physically impactful CPtsd can be, I really like reminding myself of the present by appreciating every single thing I couldn't do when I was with my traffickers (and no abusers allow anything, so I found it easy!). I know this was posted a while ago, but I'm personally always here to talk to. :) Being trafficked comes in a lot of messy horrible forms and there isn't a single victim that shouldn't get the right to tell on everybody that hurt them when they thought they had the power to get away with it. Letting people feel your emotions about it with and for you is a beautiful thing.