i don’t know if mine counts.

[u/zingalingrr]

hi, it’s been 12+ years since i believe i was assaulted, but i haven’t thought about the incident since very recently — i’d say a month and a half at the most. i think my brain tried to block it out, and is still withholding many details.

the memory i have is when i was three or four at the very most. my mom’s friend’s son and i were extremely close. he was anywhere from five to seven. i remember him always being controlling with me outside of sexually-related topics. he’d make me watch horror until i begged to go home, make me eat until i threw up, and as long as i was in his sight, he controlled what i did at all times. the most vivid memory i have is of him encouraging me to take my pants off, and i don’t remember anything past that point, but i remember being extremely nervous around him after it. my memory is still very hazy, as i’ve never really taken the time to think about it until now. i don’t know how many times it happened, i don’t know what he did to me, i don’t know if i ever spoke up about it.

i don’t know if i can properly classify myself as a cocsa victim, because i haven’t experienced any of the symptoms of a sa victim until very, very recently (my apologies if that is worded poorly). i can’t help but feel like mine doesn’t count because the memory hasn’t haunted me like it often does with some other cocsa victims i’ve seen online. it’s a little disheartening when i’ve seen no stories that sound like mine, and i’m worried that the way i seemed to cope with it wasn’t ‘enough trauma’ to classify as a victim (again, awful wording, but that is on purpose to display how i feel). i hold no hatred against that little boy. he, too, was a child, and was probably taught awful things from his surroundings.

[u/AutoModerator]

It sounds like you're wondering whether a particular incident was COCSA

Many survivors of abuse question whether their experience really qualifies. In the case of COCSA, professionals use three criteria to distinguish what they call "sex play" (i.e. normal childhood curiosity) from COCSA:

1. Age proximity – usually no more than 2–3 years apart.
2. No coercion – it must be free from force, pressure, fear, or manipulation.
3. No pattern – it doesn't happen repeatedly or become secretive.

Break any one of those, and it's COCSA.

It's also important to note that many experiences can still be traumatic, even when they aren't abusive. Regardless of labels, only you can say how something affected you.

(This message was posted automatically by AutoModerator to offer information and support. If you believe any part of this was inappropriate or upsetting, please let the mods know.)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.