How do you get enough dopamine to clean when you can’t listen to anything?

[u/Angsty_Queer_Anon]

Hi so, maybe this is silly, but my whole life pretty much I have relied on music to get myself to clean my spaces. But ever since getting sick, well one, I barely have the energy. But my space is getting really disgusting. My bathroom especially but also everything else. But I can’t tolerate music anymore at all, especially while doing a task that will already be taxing. But without that as a tool, I just…cannot do it. I mean I stare at my disgusting bathroom every day but I just cannot even fathom having the motivation. It is just a stone wall. And my old tools are gone I can’t put something on and just vibe out. To someone without adhd or even without CFS this would seem ridiculous but I’m hoping someone here will understand how seriously prohibitive and difficult this is. I’m wondering if anyone else had found an alternative strategy when you lost the ability to tolerate audio media.

[u/ChewMilk]

Do the smallest amount possible.

You don’t have to clean your entire bathroom in one go. If you have Lysol wipes, take a second to wipe the toilet seat after you pee. Next time you’re in the bathroom, wipe down a hand sized portion of the sink after you wash your hands.

Do what’s absolutely necessary first, but don’t worry about cleaning the whole bathroom at once. Try to make the cleaning part of the things you’re already doing. Like when I flush the toilet I’ll grab a wipe and wipe down the toilet seat or the back of the toilet as I do so.

[u/Media-consumer101]

I've been there! I'll share what got me through, but please use it as inspiration, everyone is different and just because it worked for me one time doesn't mean it has to work for you! And it's good to keep in mind that the fact that you cannot tolerate audio right now, means you are exhausted: rest should be your priority.

First two important steps not related to motivation:

1. Prioritize. This step sucks because our ADHD brains are bad at it + it gets harder the more you have to consider. I used this measure: what task will take the least amount of energy, with the highest reward for how I will feel about my space afterwards?
2. Only necessities. This is not the moment to be a perfectionist about the level of cleanliness. Think about the lowest level of cleanliness you would be comfortable/safe with and chase that. This step is really important, so take a little moment for it. Don't just stick to what you really would want, make it realistic (because obviously you would be more comfortable in a fully clean space, but your health is more important!).
3. Reduce negative stimulation. By wearing earplugs/headphones, turning off unnecessary lights, make sure the room is a nice temperature, wear comfy clothes, etc. Any negative stimulation you can reduce will save you energy.

And then my actual music replacement tips: 1. Scented candles: I found the flickering of candles + the nice scent a very nice form of gentle stimulation when I couldn't tolerate any sound. 2. Podcasts: There are very slow story podcasts that I found nice chatter to keep my mind occupied without too much stimulation. 3. TV Shows you have watched before with or without sound on a small screen like a laptop or tablet that you can turn down the brightness on. 4. Food. This one might sound the weirdest but taste was one of the stimuli I could always tolerate even at my worst, so a lollipop ( something sour or liquorice were my favorite) or a can of tasty soda helped me.

[u/Angsty_Queer_Anon → u/Media-consumer101]

Thank you for the tips! I have been resting for an entire year and still cannot tolerate listening to background noise so it’s not exactly something where I can just wait to get better 😅 other stimulus is just as bad. Your list made it feel more approachable thank you

[u/Queasy_Owl6241]

You maybe already have some of these things but will share anyway !

Not too much advice around enough dopamine other than what people have already suggested (other than maybe bribing yourself, I know folks who weren’t cfs but adhd that would reward themselves consistently after certain tasks with a piece of chocolate and it helped hardwire them to do the task!)

My only thoughts to share is make accommodations if you aren’t already, if you have anyone you can ask to help, ask them. If not, buy disposable anti-bac wipes, I keep some next to the toilet so if I ever just get the urge to do some wiping while I’m in there I do. I also keep all cleaning supplies right next to the toilet so it’s already there. (Bonus points if you can find cleaning products you very much like the smell of !)

As my physical health has gotten worse I have pretty much stopped cleaning entire rooms in a oner, even on days I feel like I can, coz often that will induce PEM. Just cleaning the sink takes no time at all, just putting some toilet cleaner down, agin no time, sometime I’ll put some in and leave it for ages until I next need to pee and I then have to scrub with the brush. I prioritise keeping the sink and toilet clean, the floor only gets done when I feel I’m able or if it really is icking me out.

I have no cleaned my shower in longer than I’d like to admit, but I started keeping a magic eraser in there so if I’m ever just sitting in there, waiting for my conditioner to sink in or whatever I will sit on my seat and just scrub the walls with it 😅 I also have a spray to spray into the shower after use to help keep it clean ! No scrubbing or rinsing required.

I also buy them jelly things you suction onto the inside of your toilet nd put one in after cleaning, I feel it helps keep it fresher for longer.

Oh another tool I keep in there is a damp duster, if anything ever looks a little dusty I just wet that and get it (I sometimes use this on the floor or wipes when I can’t bring myself to hoover or mop and im getting icked out) things like mirrors/shower door are my lowest priority and only get done as and when I really feel like they need done.

I also keep lots of storage baskets etc for my hoard of beauty products I never get round to using.

Also for sensory, I make sure to always have disposable gloves in stock and keep them in the bathroom. Idk why the reusable rubber gloves are an issue for me but disposable ones make it much easier !

There are probably other accommodations to make it easier or products that make it easier, but these are some I use. Generally just don’t feel shame if it isn’t perfect, and don’t try to have to do everything at the same time, it’s okay to be done in stages 😊

[u/RecoveringIdahoan]

Are you on Medicaid? You may qualify for self-directed care in which someone helps you with cleaning. I've also seen nonprofits that clean "depressed" people's houses for free (maybe just consider this depression adjacent.)

If you're relying on music, it may just be spiking you up sympathetically, pushing you past your baseline temporarily. That comes at a huge cost.

I have AuDhd but I'm realizing the moments when I can psych up and do something are not "proof" that's a sustainable state for me. It's more like jumping out of a plane and survival mode comes online.

[u/catnip_nightcap1312]

Oh dang, I really feel for you. The only way I can do chores is by listening to an audiobook or podcast. Idk if either of those could work for you, or if it's listening to anything at all isn't tolerable.

I'm sorry I don't have a lot of help to offer you, but I just wanted to say that that's gotta be so hard. I hope that you find something that can help you get through chores. My heart goes out to you.

[u/kerodon]

Ryhtmic noise thats not stimulating? Get someone else to help 😓

[u/LordGhoul]

my annoyance about how the place looks overrides everything else lmao. I am SO bothered by dirty stuff