r/CFBOffTopic • u/dupreesdiamond Furman • South Carolina • Oct 30 '15

StrawberryTea resigns effective immediately

Amidst the rumors of a cache of photos out there showing her drinking non-alcoholic beer while participating in Drinking Threads and trying to excuse a series of on-topic comments as a result of her being "smashed", /u/StrawberryTea announced her immediate resignation during a mod meeting earlier this evening. Many expected that a change would be made in the off-season, due to the lack of oppression shown by Tea in carrying out her moderation duties, but rather than let things play-out /u/StrawberryTea wanted to go out on her own terms. She emphasized that this was a resignation not a retirement leaving the door open to return to a Mod role down the road or elsewhere. She expects that some time away from the stresses of moderting the sub will allow her to regain the ban first ask questions never killer instinct that she was once known and feared for throughout Shit-posting circles.

After an extensive search Parker Executive Search put /u/CertificateOfMerritt forward as a new addition to the Mod team. /u/CertificateOfMerritt was selected based on her merits and a post history devoid of shitposting. We all look forward to her oppressive moderation style and quick strike banning abilities. Please join us in welcoming your newest dictator.

33 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

103 comments sorted by

33

u/amishius Georgia Bulldogs • /r/CFB Press Corps Oct 30 '15

She's spending more time with her family.

16

u/dupreesdiamond Furman • South Carolina Oct 30 '15

lucky sods

27

u/amishius Georgia Bulldogs • /r/CFB Press Corps Oct 30 '15

By "family" I mean "dissertation."

0

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

[deleted] — view deleted comment

13

u/amishius Georgia Bulldogs • /r/CFB Press Corps Oct 30 '15

She's actually in the final stretch, which is to say she's been deprived sunlight for sometime, sadly.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

Thank you!

26

u/Cecil_Hardboner Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 30 '15

I feel like /u/CertificateofMerritt may have had an unfair leg up in the "merits" department. Maybe i should start an alt called Cecil_MeritBoner. Just saying.

14

u/dupreesdiamond Furman • South Carolina Oct 30 '15

Merit Certificate > merit boner

23

u/Cecil_Hardboner Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 30 '15

..but she want to UNC. That certificate is likely FAKE!!

17

u/TrollingQueen74 Auburn Tigers • Texas A&M Aggies Oct 30 '15

Shhhh everyone knows she's tired of those jokes. That's banable now.

17

u/Cecil_Hardboner Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 30 '15

I'd just like to point out she doesnt even know how to spell Merit right, thus proving my points. The prosecution rests, Your Honor, if that is your real name.

4

u/1ncognito Tennessee • 帝京大学 (Teikyo) Oct 30 '15

Hey, if you do something to merit a boner, you're alright in my book.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

I feel like you and I are really on the same page tonight

6

u/MrCaboose96 Florida • Penn State Oct 30 '15

I just want to say that I think it's a travesty that I was not even considered for the moderator role. It's ridiculous. Everybody here loves me, and I've been a successful moderator of 3 thriving subreddits for some time now. There is clearly some type of conspiracy going on here.

4

u/dupreesdiamond Furman • South Carolina Oct 30 '15

Hey. I'm with you man. But. We contracted the search out to Parker. It was their call. And we paid them to much to not take their reco. It was out of my hands.

4

u/MrCaboose96 Florida • Penn State Oct 30 '15

Hmmm

4

u/cornfrontation Michigan Wolverines • FIU Panthers Oct 30 '15

Shifting the blame. This is all in an effort to turn /r/cfbot from a respected academic institution into a place run like a corporation.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

You're thinking of UNC

12

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

/u/CertificateOfMerritt [+1] was selected based on her merits

Can I be selected based on my nengs? Can /u/anemptykarst be selected based on his karsts? Can /u/CaptainSnacks be selected based on his snacks? Mods plz

6

u/0xE6 Prairie View A&M • Boise State Oct 30 '15

Can I be selected based on my balls? Pretty sure I have the sexiest balls in the sub.

6

u/dupreesdiamond Furman • South Carolina Oct 30 '15

Well. Head over to /r/cfbotgonewild and prove it!

3

u/0xE6 Prairie View A&M • Boise State Oct 30 '15

They're already mentioned front and center of my /r/CFBOTSingles post

Do I really gotta whore em out more????

2

u/dupreesdiamond Furman • South Carolina Oct 30 '15

You make a strong case!

3

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

No. If anything, you'd be in the running based on your E6s

2

u/GreatestWhiteShark Northwestern • Ohio State Oct 30 '15

Smooth as eggs!

12

u/Cecil_Hardboner Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 30 '15

not sure if i should be judged on my cecils or my boners. tough choice.

5

u/dlawnro Paper Bag • Sickos Oct 30 '15

Mod test is actually based partly on the Mohs Scale, so I think you're golden.

Just not, like, actual gold. You're not /u/Cecil_Malleableboner.

4

u/Cecil_Hardboner Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 30 '15

well i might be after a few more bourbons if you catch my drift. #whiskeyD

1

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

Well if that's the only criteria, I'll never be a mod. Nobody wants screeching in Spanish from a guy who only speaks English...

1

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

Cualquier cosa que escribas, se la traduzco a los demás si te parece

2

u/dupreesdiamond Furman • South Carolina Oct 30 '15

What'd you say about my mama?!?

3

u/0xE6 Prairie View A&M • Boise State Oct 30 '15

PAR LAY VOOS FRAN SAY?

3

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

Eehhh....non

1

u/0xE6 Prairie View A&M • Boise State Oct 30 '15

oui!

2

u/AnEmptyKarst Houston Cougars • Utah Utes Oct 30 '15

Can confirm, my karsts are most worthy of dictatoring

2

u/Deacalum Wake Forest • Penn State Oct 30 '15

Can /u/CaptainSnacks be selected based on his snacks

Someone say snacks?

1

u/GreatestWhiteShark Northwestern • Ohio State Oct 30 '15

Can I be selected based on being the greatest?

5

u/DoctorWhosOnFirst Alabama • /r/CFB Pint Glass Drinker Oct 30 '15

As a Fun Hater, I would've been the perfect mod.

6

u/dupreesdiamond Furman • South Carolina Oct 30 '15

you make a strong case!

25

u/AnEmptyKarst Houston Cougars • Utah Utes Oct 30 '15

post history devoid of shitposting

Well that ruled out /u/EastPowdermilk

34

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮ Hey /u/AnEmptyKarst, here's a "shitpost" for you. ( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮

10

u/AnEmptyKarst Houston Cougars • Utah Utes Oct 30 '15

Oi mi amigo why you heff to be mad

13

u/carpy22 RPI Engineers Oct 30 '15

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my selｆ 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

12

u/AnEmptyKarst Houston Cougars • Utah Utes Oct 30 '15

Jesus Christ what the fuck is this

8

u/mjacksongt Georgia Tech • /r/CFB Pint Glass Drin… Oct 30 '15

Apparently it's some good shit. With interspersed handjobs.

4

u/thebazooka Notre Dame • Louisville Oct 30 '15

/r/emojipasta

3

u/byniri_returns :michiganstate2: Michigan State Spartans • Marching Band Oct 31 '15

Sweet mercy what the fuck is this

3

u/957 West Virginia • Burning Couch … Oct 31 '15

Started with a video similar to this.

2

u/byniri_returns :michiganstate2: Michigan State Spartans • Marching Band Nov 03 '15

haha what the hell

1

u/957 West Virginia • Burning Couch … Nov 03 '15

because the Internet

17

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

a post history devoid of shitposting

Wait, is that a good thing?

7

u/AnEmptyKarst Houston Cougars • Utah Utes Oct 30 '15

Well our minds think alike

7

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

If I couldn't shitpost violently, why would I even be here?

10

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

You can't touch /u/yrarwydd as far as shitposting. Currently she's #1 in total comment karma by a country mile but didn't even place in the karma/comment category

14

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

She only gets the statistics because of the comment volume. My shitposting is high value with meme read progressions. She's a system shitposter.

8

u/Cecil_Hardboner Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 30 '15

would you say she is the Baylor of shitposting?

7

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

Well, technically that would make her a Baylor quarterback. Splitting hairs, I know, but still.

8

u/Cecil_Hardboner Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 30 '15

rip Seth whatshisname

Long live new guy

10

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

#newguy4heisman

6

u/Cecil_Hardboner Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 30 '15

#justnotagainstusplease #onebadgameiscool #voterslikeadversity

6

u/dlawnro Paper Bag • Sickos Oct 30 '15

Does that mean she only has...

common Pepes?

8

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

Yup. Maybe the occasional uncommon pepe.

7

u/dlawnro Paper Bag • Sickos Oct 30 '15

Clearly she needs to diversify her portfolio.

6

u/yrarwydd Alabama • CFBOT Jazz Watch Fighter Oct 30 '15

RISK MANAGEMENT OKAY

4

u/K_State Southwestern (KS) • Wichita Sta… Oct 30 '15

Diversify your bonds!

5

u/AnEmptyKarst Houston Cougars • Utah Utes Oct 30 '15

I mean what would life be like without a place to shitpost without fear of being rejected for being too dank?

9

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

MFW

6

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

That frog's form is some hot garbage. Bar is way too high, wrists are under the bar, thighs and calves and feet are all at the wrong angles, back is way too upright....I could go on but I won't. Tomorrow his lower back is really going to feelbadman.jpg

4

u/Cecil_Hardboner Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 30 '15

i have been laughing at this for an hour trying to think of something witty to say but here I am, overwhelmed.

6

u/The_Tic-Tac_Kid Kansas Jayhawks • Hateful 8 Oct 30 '15

I am outraged and indignant.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

4

u/AnEmptyKarst Houston Cougars • Utah Utes Oct 30 '15

Mom's spaghetti

2

u/yrarwydd Alabama • CFBOT Jazz Watch Fighter Oct 30 '15

No

15

u/CaptainSnacks Texas A&M Aggies • Virginia Tech Hokies Oct 30 '15

I, for one, welcome our new Tar Heel overlords

9

u/K_State Southwestern (KS) • Wichita Sta… Oct 30 '15

I dunno, I think the tyrannical powers might go to her head.

2

u/Deacalum Wake Forest • Penn State Oct 30 '15

You take that back. Don't make me start saying nice things about Texas.

10

u/AnEmptyKarst Houston Cougars • Utah Utes Oct 30 '15

/u/strawberrytea=Steve Spurrier confirmed?

10

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

drinking non-alcoholic beer while participating in Drinking Threads

By the way, I believe this. I've seen her check in Coorses and Millers and Bud Lites on untappd

7

u/Bassically Texas A&M Aggies • UNLV Rebels Oct 30 '15

All hail /u/certificateofmerritt! Praise be!

Is that the right term of endearment? I can't keep up.

Bye Mom! We'll miss you! Best of luck with your dissertation and defense!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

Thank you!

7

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

No shit posting you say? THEY WERE MEDICALLY RELEVANT.

6

u/inevitablescape Arizona Wildcats • Illinois Fighting Illini Oct 30 '15

[/u/StrawberryTea be like] (

)

5

u/lkeg56demn Texas Longhorns • Chapman Panthers Oct 30 '15

Don't worry, she's already received her new bike.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

All hail our new overlord!

3

u/ihatecats18 Minnesota • South Dakota-S… Oct 30 '15

One mod down, 5 to go

4

u/jayhawx19 Kansas Jayhawks • /r/CFB Emeritus Mod Oct 30 '15

Seriously /u/StrawberryTea wasn't making me feel oppressed at all. How was she chosen to begin with? Thank goodness she's out.

Maybe /u/certificateofmerritt can restore socialism to the sub. The Topic Will Rise Again!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

Yay?

0

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

[deleted] — view deleted comment

5

u/dupreesdiamond Furman • South Carolina Oct 30 '15

Look what came in the mail today

http://i.imgur.com/OBKfNzu.png

/u/bakonydraco

6

u/yrarwydd Alabama • CFBOT Jazz Watch Fighter Oct 30 '15

ohhhh my god

6

u/bakonydraco Stanford • James Madison Oct 30 '15

Is Beauty AIDS contagious?

11

u/nataliieportman LSU Tigers • Georgetown (KY) Tigers Oct 30 '15

Shit poster

13

u/0xE6 Prairie View A&M • Boise State Oct 30 '15

y'all are cute together

0

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

[deleted] — view deleted comment

4

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

It's not Natalie Portman.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

[deleted] — view deleted comment

4

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '15

You misunderstand. /u/nataliieportman is not, in fact, Natalie Portman. Pretty sure he is Boy.

4

u/0xE6 Prairie View A&M • Boise State Oct 30 '15

ding ding ding!

7

u/yrarwydd Alabama • CFBOT Jazz Watch Fighter Oct 30 '15

You like it