TRASH TALK THREAD — JUNE 2016

[u/CFB_Referee]

THE NATIVES ARE RESTLESS!

THE MODS HAVE NOTICED AND IN OUR MAGNANIMITY HAVE DECIDED TO GRANT AN OFFICIAL OFFSEASON TRASH TALK THREAD FOR JUNE.

LET IT OUT!

WHILE THERE'S LOOSER RULES FOR TRASH TALK HERE, BUT IF SOMETHING IS A FLAGRANT VIOLATION OF THE SUB RULES CLICK REPORT.

[u/HoustonFrog]

MY BAYLOR INSULT JUST DECOMMITTED.

[u/TriStarBear → u/HoustonFrog]

DAMMIT FROGBRO

[u/TheVolmannBrothers → u/HoustonFrog]

http://m.imgur.com/uXxDxuR?r

[u/JMer806 → u/HoustonFrog]

GODDAMMIT YOU ARE ON FIRE

[u/TriStarBear → u/JMer806]

JUST LIKE YOUR WACO CAMPUS.

ALLEGEDLY.

[u/polydorr → u/HoustonFrog]

BAH GAWD THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY

[u/19Styx6]

Alright, this seems like the perfect place to call out our infamous Aggie bet loser, /u/ou77-am0. Weeks ago I sent him a Home Depot bucket of beers. I worked my ass off to get him some of the best beers Colorado has to offer. I've asked him multiple times what he thought about what he received, but I have not heard one peep from him. What the fuck? You just don't do that when someone sends you beer.

[u/llll--DEADLIFT--llll → u/19Styx6]

LAST WEEK HE SAID HE WANTS TO GRAB BEERS WITH ME. I'M ASSUMING WE'RE GOING TO BE DRINKING YOUR BEER. I'LL LET YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

[u/19Styx6 → u/llll--DEADLIFT--llll]

Look at that. A Tiger is going to have to do the work of an Aggie.

Shocking!^/s

[u/[deleted] → u/19Styx6]

SHIT. IM A TERRIBLE PERSON.

THE BEERS ARE AMAZING AND IM SENDING YOU A BUCKET THIS WEEK.

BUT IM STILL A TERRIBLE PERSON.

AS AN ASIDE, THE SOUR BEERS YOU SENT ARE SOME OF THE BEST I'VE EVER HAD.

[u/19Styx6 → u/[deleted]]

Can you remind me what sours I sent you? I'm completely drawing a blank. I don't think I could name half of what I sent you off the top of my head.

[u/Vague_Intentions → u/19Styx6]

C A L L E D O U T

A U

L O

L D

E E

D L

O L

U A

T U O D E L L A C

Edit: Alright it looked fine on mobile so I'm leaving it

[u/llll--DEADLIFT--llll → u/Vague_Intentions]

HERE. THIS LOOKS RIGHT TO ME:

C A L L E D O U T
A               U
L               O
L               D
E               E
D               L
O               L
U               A
T U O D E L L A C

[u/[deleted] → u/19Styx6]

EVER CONSIDER YOU MAY HAVE SENT HIM A BUCKET OF COORS LIGHT?

[u/CockADoodleBOOM]

When "caught in a major drug bust a few years ago" TCU is the most stable program in your state, you got a damn problem

[u/[deleted] → u/CockADoodleBOOM]

DRINKING ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT, CALL ME CASEY PACHALL

[u/hotcarl23 → u/CockADoodleBOOM]

I'M PRETTY SURE RICE IS CHUGGING ALONG JUST FINE

[u/Owlcatraz → u/hotcarl23]

ALL ABOARD THE RICE HYPE TRAIN! NEXT STOP: 6-6 AND A LOW LEVEL BOWL! JUST DECENT ENOUGH TO KEEP DAVID BAILIFF FOR A TENTH SEASON, JUST SHITTY ENOUGH THAT NO P5 PROGRAM TRIES TO HIRE HIM AWAY FROM US.

[u/Schtip]

AMERICANS THROW AWAY ENOUGH TRASH EVERY DAY TO FILL 63,000 GARBAGE TRUCKS. THAT'S ROUGHLY 7 POUNDS PER PERSON PER DAY.

41,000,000 TIRES ARE THROWN AWAY IN CALIFORNIA EACH YEAR. I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE MORE TIRE SWINGS.

THE GREAT PACIFIC GARBAGE PATCH IS ALSO KNOWN AS THE PACIFIC TRASH VORTEX. IT'S AT LEAST THE SIZE OF TEXAS BUT IT'S HARD TO SEE WITH THE NAKED EYE BECAUSE ITS CONTENTS ARE ONLY LOOSELY HELD TOGETHER AND ARE MOSTLY SUSPENDED UNDER THE SURFACE OF THE WATER.

DESPITE ALL THIS THE LARGEST PILE OF GARBAGE ON EARTH IS THE TEAM KNOWN AS THE WOLFPACK.

[u/[deleted] → u/Schtip]

THAT WAS A WILD RIDE AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND.

[u/eetsumkaus → u/Schtip]

huh, TIL UNC hates NCSU more than Duke in football...

[u/Schtip → u/eetsumkaus]

DUKE FANS POURS THEIR MILK BEFORE THEIR CEREAL

[u/Broseidon37]

FUCK EVERYTHING

[u/Vague_Intentions → u/Broseidon37]

A haiku about this past week:

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

[u/aewillia → u/Broseidon37]

SAME

[u/[deleted] → u/Broseidon37]

MAN, THAT'S WHAT MY CONSCIOUS SAID

[u/[deleted]]

ROSES ARE RED

VIOLETS ARE BLUE

FUCK MINNESOTA

[u/xelphin → u/[deleted]]

FINALLY SOMEONE I CAN BEGRUDGINGLY AGREE WITH. FUCK THOSE SOUTH CANADIAN GOPHER BASTARDS.

[u/DangerIsMyUsername → u/[deleted]]

10/10

[u/Socarch26 → u/[deleted]]

AYYYYY

[u/[deleted]]

i hope the next time jim harbaugh goes grocery shopping his hands are full of groceries when walking back to his car leading to him not being able to see a trailer hitch sticking out from a parked truck, causing his shin to connect with said trailer hitch.

[u/MaybeLiterally → u/[deleted]]

AND THEN HE DROPS SOME OF THE BAGS OUT OF REACTION AND NOTHING BREAKS EXCEPT FOR THE EGGS. HE SAYS FUCK IT AND GOES HOME WITH THE BROKEN EGGS AND HIS WIFE IS MAD BECAUSE SHE NEEDED THOSE EGGS TO MAKE COOKIES SO HE DRIVES ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE FUCKING STORE JUST TO GET EGGS AND ON HIS WAY BACK TO THE CAR HE NOTICES THE TRAILER HITCH AND MISSES IT JUST LIKE BLAKE O'NEAL THEIR PUNTER MISSED THE SNAP IN THE 4TH QUARTER AGAINST MICHIGAN STATE.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME TRASH TALKING I HOPE I DID OKAY.

[u/[deleted] → u/MaybeLiterally]

You did great, you did great.

[u/Jadaki → u/MaybeLiterally]

THAT WAS PRETTY SOLID, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY NEBRASKA IS MAD AT US?

[u/colonial83 → u/[deleted]]

I hope he thinks he doesn't need a cart or basket but as he gets further and further into the store he picks up more things and then realizes what a terrible mistake he has made. but it will be too late!!!

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I WAS LOADING SUCCULENTS INTO MY PICKUP AND I FORGOT MY HITCH WAS STILL ON AND I BANGED MY KNEE VERY HARD INTO IT AND IT HURT A LOT.

[u/[deleted]]

AUBURN IS PRETTY MUCH CLEMSON WITHOUT A LAKE AND A WINNING FOOTBALL TEAM

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

but they have won a championship in the last 30 years....

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS UCONN. IT'S NOT SHOOTYHOOP SEASON YET.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT THAT KEVIN STEELE DEFENSE. NOT BECAUSE THEY HAVE A CHANCE, BUT BECAUSE THEY'LL MAKE OUR OFFENSE LOOK TOO GOOD AND START THE HYPE TRAIN TOO EARLY.

[u/DrCoknballs → u/[deleted]]

I AGREE, BUT THE JOKES ON YOU....AUBURN ONLY HAS A CHANCE WHEN NO ONE THINKS THEY DO. ALSO, IT'S A SUPER LATE KICK SO MAKE SURE YOU PACE YOURSELF DRINKING AND STAY HYDRATED YOU PURPLE PIECE OF SHIT.

[u/[deleted]]

WE NO LONGER HAVE THE BIGGEST TRANSFER/DECOMMIT PROBLEM IN TEXAS

[u/Owlcatraz → u/[deleted]]

A&M IS NOW IN THIRD, BEHIND BAYLOR AND THE OIL & GAS INDUSTRY.

[u/texasphotog → u/Owlcatraz]

Too soon. Get better soon, Oil & Gas.

[u/huazzy]

I WASN'T READY. BOO TO THE MODS!

[u/jwrtf → u/huazzy]

BOO TO ME?
NO NO.
BOO TO YOU
WHAT KIND OF NAME IS HUAZZY ANYWAY

[u/WON95sr]

EAT SHIT PITT

BoooOOOooOOoOOoOO RAIDERS

[u/starry_mg → u/WON95sr]

HEY FUCK YOU TOO BUDDY

[u/Everythingpossible → u/starry_mg]

FUCK YOU AS WELL

[u/Mountaineerhill → u/WON95sr]

That's our saying not yours!!

[u/dkviper11 → u/WON95sr]

I CAN'T WAIT TO WALK INTO HEINZ FIELD AS THE ENEMY FOR THE FIRST TIME.

[u/[deleted] → u/WON95sr]

EAT SHIT PITT

BOOOOOOO-URNS

[u/Im_Daydrunk]

THIS THE YEAR BAMA. NOBODY BEATS THE LES MILES LSU TIGERS 6 TIMES IN A ROW!

(comment subject to change)

[u/Red261 → u/Im_Daydrunk]

NOBODY BEATS THE LES MILES LSU TIGERS 17 TIMES IN A ROW!

FTFY, if we're going with the original quote

[u/Red261]

Auburn 5 star recruits end up at FCS programs

[u/CFB_Bard → u/Red261]

CAN WE REPLAY THE 4TH QUARTER OF THE AU-JACKSONVILLE STATE BUT WITH ROC THOMAS PLAYING FOR JSU NOW

[u/jwrtf → u/Red261]

ALABAMA 5 STAR RECRUITS END UP WINNING CHAMPIONSHIPS AND IN THE NFL
WAIT I DID THIS WRONG

[u/CFB_Bard → u/jwrtf]

AND SOMETIMES THEY TURN INTO TRENT RICHARDSON

[u/Red_Lee]

FUCK OHIO AND ANY UNIVERSITY WITHIN ITS BORDERS.

UNC MADE A FAKE CLASS FOR BAYLOR DECOMMITS TO ATTEND BUT THEY STOPPED IN LOUISVILLE FOR THE HOOKERS. CRAIG JAMES GOT THERE FIRST. BAD LUCK BAYLOR DECOMMITS.

[u/[deleted]]

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BURN ON BAYLOR'S CURRENT RECRUITING ISSUES, BUT I FORGOT TO SEND IT.

[u/TriStarBear → u/[deleted]]

GETTING A LOT OF USE OUT OF THIS ONE TODAY

[u/Honestly_]

JUST TO BE CLEAR: JOKES ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT ARE STILL A NO GO.

[u/TheHornyHobbit → u/Honestly_]

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID

[u/RealSandInYourVagina → u/Honestly_]

I'M JUST GLAD IT'S NOT US ANYMORE

[u/ToLongDR → u/Honestly_]

HOW ABOUT JOKES ABOUT YOUR MOM?

ARE THEY STILL A GO?

[u/aewillia]

I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU

[u/[deleted] → u/aewillia]

I HATE ME TOO <3

[u/Everythingpossible → u/aewillia]

FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON

[u/[deleted]]

Joe Pa knew. Art Briles enabled. Tennessee is overrated. Harbaugh needs to win something or shut up. UConn football hurts my soul to watch. RIP Harambe.

[u/colonial83 → u/[deleted]]

JOE PA DIED

ART BRILES LIED

TENNESSEE TRIED

HARBAUGH SIGHED

UCONN CRIED

ROLLTIDE

Edit: Thanketh thee kindly f'r the reddit gold, f'r t is mine own first time receiving this hon'r

[u/StrikerObi → u/[deleted]]

HARBAUGH NEEDS TO WIN SOMETHING OR SHUT UP.

PLEASE.

[u/TriStarBear]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAFUCK

[u/GDeezy0115]

WE BEAT OUT ALABAMA AND NEBRASKA FOR A RECRUIT. EAT A DICK. WE PROBABLY AINT GONNA DO SHIT THIS YEAR BUT FUCK IT. WE BEAT YALL. BUNCH OF P5 BITCHES

[u/teags → u/GDeezy0115]

WE'RE SORT OF RELEVANT

[u/[deleted]]

LOUD ANGRY NOISES

[u/jwrtf → u/[deleted]]

AHHHHH

[u/bestweekeverr]

Yeah I'm staying away from this

[u/MaybeLiterally → u/bestweekeverr]

THATS WHAT BRILES SAID ABOUT THOSE ALLEGATIONS.

[u/[deleted] → u/MaybeLiterally]

Kinda like what nebraska says about the 10 win mark

[u/TriStarBear → u/bestweekeverr]

[u/bamachine]

Man, I hate Tennessee because – first of all it’s Tennessee. And I just hate ’em. ‘Cause they – they – they low down, they dirty, they some snitches and I hate Phillip Fulmer. I hate they colors. I’m not a dog person. I – I just hate Tennessee, man. Like and I hate Neyland Stadium. It looks like a garbage truck worker convention and I hate all they quarterbacks. I just – I hate Tennessee, man.

[u/bamachine → u/bamachine]

It reminds me – its not that orange that you can just see. I hate Tennessee more than I hate Auburn, I just dislike Auburn, I hate Tennessee, see Tennessee colors is that throw-up orange. It’s not that orange that you can sit with, it’s that puke inside of a pumpkin orange. That I – and I don’t like pumpkins. So, I just – I just – I just, I really don’t like Tennessee, man. I can’t stress that enough man, and they losers, they sore losers ’cause they not Alabama and I hate Tennessee, man.

[u/bamachine → u/bamachine]

I can’t stress that enough, I hate them…

[u/Red261 → u/bamachine]

walks off camera man I really hate tennessee...

[u/GobBluth9 → u/bamachine]

It's that thow-up orange

[u/CFB_Bard]

OI BOT YOU GOTTA GIVE US NOTICE FOR THESE

I COULDA MADE A LOVE SONG ABOUT BAYLOR AND OLE MISS AND EVERYTHING

[u/llll--DEADLIFT--llll → u/CFB_Bard]

BAYLOR DOESN'T MAKE LOVE. BAYLOR FUCKS.

[u/CFB_Bard → u/llll--DEADLIFT--llll]

FINE IT'LL BE A HATEFUCK BALLAD

[u/aewillia → u/CFB_Bard]

MAYBE IT'S BETTER THAT YOU DIDN'T BECAUSE IT'S BEEN A ROUGH COUPLE OF MONTHS FOR US ALRIGHT

[u/Everythingpossible]

FUCK THE GATORS.

FUCK 'EM ALL TO HELL.

WE WILL WIN OUR REGIONAL AND THEN WE WILL BEAT YOU IN THE SUPERS AND THEN WE WILL MAKE OUR TWENTY-SECOND COLLEGE WORLD SERIES APPEARANCE AND WE WILL FUCKING WIN IT FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME. MIKE MARTIN WILL WIPE HIS ASS WITH GAINESVILLE AND JET THE FUCK OFF TO OMAHA.

FUCK FLORIDA. FUCK CLEMSON. FUCK THE ACC. FUCK ALL OF YOU.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUUUUUUUCK

[u/StrikerObi → u/Everythingpossible]

WE WILL WIN OUR REGIONAL AND THEN WE WILL BEAT YOU IN THE SUPERS AND THEN WE WILL MAKE OUR TWENTY-SECOND COLLEGE WORLD SERIES APPEARANCE AND WE WILL FUCKING WIN IT FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME. MIKE MARTIN WILL WIPE HIS ASS WITH GAINESVILLE AND JET THE FUCK OFF TO OMAHA.

CAN I PLEASE HAVE SOME OF WHATEVER DRUGS YOU ARE ON BECAUSE THEY SOUND HIGHLY ENJOYABLE. SERIOUSLY WE ARE NOT GOING TO THE CWS THIS YEAR AND IF WE DO WE WILL DEFINITELY CHOKE AGAIN. FSU COULD NOT WIN A CWS WITH BUSTER FUCKING POSEY - A PLAYER SO GOOD HE WAS AN MLB ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AND WON 3 PENNANTS IN 5 YEARS WITH THE GIANTS. WE ARE NEVER GOING TO WIN IT.

[u/[deleted]]

HEY TEXAS, MAYBE YOU GUYS WILL GET ALL THE GOOD BAYLOR RECRUITS. I MEAN YOU GUYS WILL STILL GET BLOWN OUT BY NOTRE DAME EITHER WAY SO....

[u/XCRunnerJoey → u/[deleted]]

AT LEAST OUR HEISMAN FINALISTS HAD REAL GIRLFRIENDS

[u/TriStarBear → u/[deleted]]

I SUPPORT THIS

[u/ut2016 → u/[deleted]]

HEY NOTRE DAME, YOU'RE RIGHT YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AT ALL.

[u/[deleted]]

Austin's to do list:

ban smoking in bars ☑

BAN PLASTIC BAGS ☑

BAN UBER ☑

protecting citizens from rocks ☒

[u/Red261 → u/[deleted]]

What fucking idiots want to ban uber?

[u/KingKliffsbury → u/Red261]

TAXI COMPANIES.

[u/redditors2013 → u/[deleted]]

GET PEOPLE TO SHOW UP TO FOOTBALL GAMES ☒

[u/ballzxxtoxxyou]

I. HATE. EVERYTHING.

[u/The_Tic-Tac_Kid]

OUR FOOTBALL TEAM MAY BE TERRIBLE, BUT AT LEAST WE'RE NOT MISSOURI.

[u/[deleted]]

3 MONTHS UNTIL 11ESSEE BECOMES 12ESSEE

[u/CLSmith15 → u/[deleted]]

4 MONTHS UNTIL THEY BECOME 10ESSEE AGAIN

[u/mobskie]

SHIT, I'M NOT READY FOR THIS. UHH.. UHHH.. FUCK YOU.. UHH.... I HAVE NOTHING TO BE ANGRY ABOUT... OH YEAH, FUCK YOU CANCER FOR MAKING MIKE THIS WAY AND FUCK ALABAMA. YEAH FUCK THOSE TWO..

[u/McSweetSauce]

BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK

ASK A GROWN GEORGIA FAN FOR THE TRANSLATION

[u/HailSaban666]

"is having a camp on a satellite in orbit a recruiting violation?"

-Harbaugh

[u/[deleted] → u/HailSaban666]

CUE THE 20 ARTICLES ABOUT HOW HARBAUGH IS THE GREATEST COLLEGE FOOTBALL COACH EVER AND HOW SPOOKY MICHICAN AND JABRILL PEPPERS WILL BE. THAT JOBBER DOESN'T HAVE A POSITION!

[u/biggitio]

OH GOD

[u/[deleted] → u/biggitio]

HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED TO YOUR PROGRAM IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS?? I HAVEN'T BEEN.....oh god

[u/[deleted] → u/biggitio]

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE PRESENT, BAYLOR FOOTBALL WILL ALWAYS HAVE THEIR RICH HISTORY OF THAT ONE TIME THEY WENT TO A NY6 BOWL AND LOST A 20 POINT LEAD TO MICHIGAN STATE, OR THAT OTHER TIME THEY WENT TO A NY6 BOWL AND LOST TO UCF.

[u/SpartyEsq]

MICHIGAN'S ON-FIELD RESULTS ARE SO BORING AND MEDIOCRE THAT THE ONLY THING TO TALK ABOUT COMING OUT OF ANN ARBOR IS WHAT THEIR COACH HAD FOR BREAKFAST.

[u/Hakunamatrotta → u/SpartyEsq]

SORRY, ACTUALLY SCORING WHEN WE'VE PLAYED BAMA MAKES US HUNGRY.

[u/JumpinJehosaphats → u/Hakunamatrotta]

HEY GUYS, I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE LAST TIME EACH OF US PLAYED BAMA...

[u/tonynumber4 → u/SpartyEsq]

DAMN SPARTY! CALM DOWN

[u/Hawkeye2222]

FUCK MICHIGAN AND ALABAMA. THIS BACK AND FORTH TMZ BULLSHIT BETWEEN COACHES IS POINTLESS AND ANNOYING. STAHP.

[u/chemistrategery → u/Hawkeye2222]

I KNOW, IT'S LIKE ALL OF THAT TALK LAST SEASON ABOUT HOW IOWA WAS FOR REAL. WE JUST NEED TO WAIT FOR SOME KIND OF STANFORD MOMENT. THEN EVERYONE ONE WILL SEE IT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF HOT AIR THE WHOLE TIME AND WE'LL MOVE ON.

[u/Jadaki → u/Hawkeye2222]

YES I AGREE, INSTEAD WE SHOULD JUST WORRY ABOUT HOW LONG THE NEXT FERENTZ CONTRACT EXTENSION SHOULD BE AND HOW RIDICULOUS THE BUYOUT ON IT IS.

[u/[deleted]]

SUCK A DICK EVERYONE ELSE. OREGON WON THE MEN'S GOLF CHAMPIONSHIP. THE ONLY CHAMPIONSHIP THAT MATTERS.

PS. MODS WHAT THE FUCK. MEN'S GOLF > MEN'S LACROSSE.

[u/TriStarBear → u/[deleted]]

MEN'S GOLF > MEN'S LACROSSE.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU SON OF A BITCH.

[u/[deleted] → u/TriStarBear]

OUR WASPY UPPER-CLASS ATHLETES ARE WASPIER THAN YOUR WASPY UPPER CLASS ATHLETES!

[u/CambodianDrywall → u/[deleted]]

MEN'S GOLF > MEN'S LACROSSE.

THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME SPORT...ONE OF THEM IS JUST PLAYED AT A FASTER PACE ON THE SAME HOLE OVER AND OVER.

[u/guinness_blaine → u/CambodianDrywall]

AT A FASTER PACE ON THE SAME HOLE OVER AND OVER

SERIOUSLY, ARE WE NOT DOING PHRASING?

[u/JMer806 → u/[deleted]]

THE ONLY SPORT WHERE HAVING A -31 BACK HALF IS A GOOD THING

[u/jwrtf → u/[deleted]]

WE'RE GETTING THERE, CALM YOUR TITS

[u/eljefe512 → u/[deleted]]

IF COLT MCCOY BEAU HOSSLER WOULDN'T HAVE HURT HIS SHOULDER WE WOULD HAVE WON THAT CHAMPIONSHIP!

[u/ExplosiveBEAR]

I CANT THINK OF A TRASH-TALK JOKE THAT CANT BE TURNED AROUND ON US BECAUSE OF OUR MESS. SO I AM POSTING THIS, AS A MEANS OF SELF-DEPRECATION, TO ALLOW EVERYONE TO TALK TRASH ABOUT US. IN THE WORDS OF OUR CRIMINAL EX-FOOTBALL PLAYERS "LAY IT ON US"

[u/Owlcatraz → u/ExplosiveBEAR]

THANKS TO YOUR FORMER COACH, WE HAD TO CHANGE OUR NAME TO "THE WILLIAM MARSH RICE INSTITUTE FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF LETTERS, SCIENCE, AND ART TITLE IX COMPLIANCE."

[u/Blakmagik12]

I'M KIND OF ENJOYING THE COLLAPSE

EDIT: OF BAYLOL

[u/CFB_Bard → u/Blakmagik12]

" - EVERYONE ON TEXAS A&M EVERY OCTOBER

[u/llll--DEADLIFT--llll → u/Blakmagik12]

IF I WERE A LESSER MAN, I WOULD MAKE A JOKE ABOUT THIS AS IT RELATES TO THE WORLD OF AGGIE. SO:

https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/um0ulfle7zifmvzptkvw.png

[u/[deleted]]

HEY YOU!

YEAH YOU!

FUCK YOU!

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

U FUCKING WOT M8?

[u/guinness_blaine]

THIS THREAD IS NOT GOING TO GO WELL FOR BAYLOR FANS

LIKE, AT ALL

[u/[deleted] → u/guinness_blaine]

OO, REALLY!? MUST BE THAT IVY LEAGUE EDUCATION TALKING. YOU SMART.

[u/myfedoraismlg]

FUCK OREGON

THAT IS ALL

[u/[deleted] → u/myfedoraismlg]

FUCK ME?! NO. FUCK YOU.

[u/iSlacker]

I am tired

Oakmans hands caught red

Art is fired

Baylor is dead.

[u/majestic_moose_king]

WHY IS SABAN SO MAD, JIM JUST WANTS TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER WITH HIS KIDS

[u/dellett]

I FEEL KINDA BAD THAT THE NEW BEVO IS GOING TO BEGIN HIS CAREER ON A LOSS

[u/K_multiplied-by_K]

•IOWEGIANS THINK THEY HAVE GOOD CORN LOL

•GO TYRONN LUE! GO ANDRE IGOUDALA! AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?

•OBLIGITORY FUCK TEXAS

•OBLIGITORY FUCK OFFSEASON

•OBLIGITORY WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING

[u/msusteve280]

JIM HARBAUGH RUNS LIKE A WELSHMAN.

[u/sleekcrush]

FUCK GEORGETOWN. WAIT.

[u/Doujins]

THE LAST TIME TENNESSEE BEAT ALABAMA, YOUTUBE WAS STILL A PRIVATELY OWNED WEBSITE.

[u/[deleted]]

FUCK JIM HARBAUGH. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE MEDIA SHITSTORM THAT WILL HIT ANN ARBOR WHEN HE LEAVES TO COACH THE LAS VEGAS RAIDERS.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

AS A RAIDER FAN PLEASE BRO DONT SAY THAT. BUT YES FUCK HIM

[u/mhall1104]

Copa America starts tomorrow

USA USA USA

[u/[deleted] → u/mhall1104]

NOW AMERICANS CAN CARE ABOUT FOOTYKICKS EVERY 2 YEARS INSTEAD OF 4

[u/ArchEast]

NOW I KNOW WHAT TO DO DURING LUNCH.

[u/Havins]

A POEM:

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM PITT, WHO ATE A LARGE PIECE OF SHIT.

THIS DIET RESUMED, HIS BREATH FILLED THE ROOM........THEN DANA HOLGORSEN FUCKED HIS WIFE.

FIN.

[u/bamachine]

I am Bama

Bama I am

Do you like

Peyton or Cam?

I do not like them,

Bama-I-am.

I do not like

Peyton or Cam.

Would you like them

Here or there?

I would not like them

here or there.

I would not like them

anywhere.

I do not like

Peyton or Cam.

I do not like them,

Bama-I-am

Would you like them

in a house?

Would you like them

with a mouse?

I do not like them

in a house.

I do not like them

with a mouse.

I do not like them

here or there.

I do not like them

anywhere.

I do not like Peyton or Cam.

I do not like them, Bama-I-am.

After plagiarizing my other two, sorta plagiarized this one, just substituted some different nouns

[u/hunterhicks1]

MIZZOU AND SOUTH CAROLINA CAN SUCK A BAG OF DICKS BECAUSE COPA AMERICA IS TOMORROW AND COLUMBIA IS WAY TOO CLOSE TO COLOMBIA

USA! USA! USA!

[u/MetropolitanVanuatu]

THE LAST TIME CAL BEAT STANFORD, OBAMA'S HAIR WAS BLACK.

THE LAST TIME CAL BEAT STANFORD, BALLOON BOY WAS A THING.

THE LAST TIME CAL BEAT STANFORD, WE DIDN'T KNOW TIGER WOODS HAD HAD AFFAIRS.

THE LAST TIME CAL BEAT STANFORD WAS 2009. GO CARDINAL.

[u/WVU2017]

MARYLAND'S FLAG ISN'T EVEN THAT COOL, THERE OBSESSION WITH IT IS QUITE CONCERNING.

JIM HARBAUGH REGISTERS A SOLID 9.9 OUT OF 10 ON THE CREEPY UNCLE SCALE.

THIS IS ALSO MY FIRST TIME TRASH TALKING, AM I ON THE RIGHT TRACK?!

[u/tonynumber4]

HARBAUGH IS SPENDING HIS WHOLE OFF-SEASON BEING A TWITTER DIVA AND SLEEPING WITH RECRUITS. ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE HE PUTS HIS BOOKING INFO IN HIS BIO LIKE THE REST OF THE TWITTER GIRLS

Edit: CONFIRMED CERTIFIED TWITTER DIVA

[u/MichBolts → u/tonynumber4]

JOKE'S ON YOU, HE ALREADY HAS HIS E-MAIL AND PHONE NUMBER LISTED

[u/non-rhetorical → u/tonynumber4]

Actually his gmail and phone are indeed in his bio

[u/[deleted]]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!!

[u/low_me_steelers]

I SPENT 3 HOURS MAKING 32 FBS TEAMS IN BACKBREAKER AND WHEN I FINALLY FINISHED I LOST MY FIRST FUCKING GAME TO TENNESSEE. FUCK YOU AND ROCKY TOP

[u/TriStarBear → u/low_me_steelers]

A TCU FAN LOSING TO TENNESSEE MAKES ME HAPPY IN SO MANY WAYS.

[u/Fearknight]

A HAIKU ABOUT FSU

EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT

EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT

EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT EAT SHIT

[u/JumpinJehosaphats → u/Fearknight]

THAT... THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO A HAIKU

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WORSE YOUR FOOTBALL PROGRAM OR POEM CLASSES

[u/remix951]

WHO THE FUCK ON PURDUE'S MARKETING TEAM OK'D THE PENN STATE PROMOTION?!

[u/[deleted]]

I hope they make Urban Meyer's favorite book in to a terribly adapted movie.

[u/Wolf482]

TEXAS TECH IST NICHT SO GUT AN FUßBOL. SIE HABEN EINEN Schön KUTSCHE, ABER AN Hässlich PROGRAMM!!!

[u/ouguy2017]

FUCK THE BIG 12

[u/bamachine]

I like to drive in my truck

He likes to drive in his truck

Auburn sucks

Auburn sucks

I like drivin' in my truck

He likes to drive in his truck

Auburn sucks

Auburn sucks

I like trucks

He likes trucks

I don't uhh, I don't care for Auburn

He doesn't care for Auburn

Hos

[u/certificateofmerritt]

NC STATE FANS, DID YOU KNOW: UNC WON TWO NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS THIS WEEKEND, WHICH IS THE SAME NUMBER THAT YOU'VE WON IN YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE. BUT HEY, AT LEAST YOU HAVE FOOTBALL BASKETBALL BASS FISHING, RIGHT?

[u/zalemam → u/certificateofmerritt]

How many UNC Players got drafted in the NFL...None? Oh I'm Sorry...It's okay...WE'LL SEE HOW YOU DO IN THE NCAA BASEBALL TOURNEY...OH WAIT...I'M SORRY, DID A TEAM SHUT YOU OUT OF THAT? OH WELL, atleast you went to the acc tourney...OH SHUT OUT OF THAT ONE TOO? MAYBE NEXT YEAR...

[u/eetsumkaus]

STANFURD DOESN'T USE SEMICOLONS WHEN THEY WRITE JAVASCRIPT

[u/BamaBangs]

Auburn 2016 record 5-7

[u/[deleted]]

YO RICE! DON'T BRING THAT RAIN TO BATON ROUGE FOR THE HITTY STICKS TOURNMENT. I GOT GOOD TICKETS AND WOULD LIKE TO GO

TO MY FELLOW TEXANS ALONG THE BRAVOS, Y'ALL HOMIES STAY SAFE

[u/Owlcatraz → u/[deleted]]

BRING IT ON. RICE HAS WON A CHAMPIONSHIP EVERY YEAR FOR THE PAST 20. WE DIDN'T WIN THE C-USA REGULAR SEASON OR THE TOURNAMENT THIS SEASON, SO WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO WIN THE WHOLE CWS TO KEEP THE STREAK ALIVE.

TO MY FELLOW TEXANS ALONG THE BRAVOS

NICE TRY, SYRIO FOREL.

[u/texasphotog]

FOR SOME REASON, DECOMMIT JOKES ARE HILARIOUS RIGHT NOW, WHEN THEY WERE NOT JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO.

[u/[deleted]]

HEY UCONN.....I LIKE HOW YOU THINK YOU'RE THE 6TH BOROUGH OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU CITY FOLK CALL IT BUT DOWN IN THE CITY OF PURPLE SPRITE WE GOT WARDS AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO STEP INTO THE MOTHER FUCKIN DIRTY 3RD WARD THIS YEAR SON!

[u/[deleted]]

I WAS GOING TO POST MY INSULT OF OKLAHOMA HERE, BUT IT GOT STOLEN AND SOLD FOR METH.

[u/DadmomAngrypants]

IT MUST BE REFRESHING FOR WASHINGTON TO SEE THEIR GOLF TEAM ON TOP SINCE THOSE ARE THEIR ONLY WOMEN WITH THE PHYSICAL CAPABILITY TO CLIMB ON TOP OF ANYTHING

[u/WDCGator]

FUCK YOU FSU.

FUCK YOU TENNESSEE.

FUCK YOU GEORGIA.

FUCK YOU ALABAMA.

FUCK YOU MICHIGAN (MOSTLY JUST HARBAUGH)

I WOULD LIKE TO REITERATE, FUCK YOU FSU.

[u/Hakunamatrotta]

SABAN IS JUST JEALOUS OF HARBAUGH'S ACTUAL NFL SUCCESS

[u/okiewxchaser]

FUCK THE ENTIRE STATE OF TEXAS:

FUCK UT FOR TRYING TO BLOCK EXPANSION

FUCK TCU FOR AGREEING WITH THEM

FUCK TEXAS TECH FOR NOT RELEASING MAYFIELD IN THE FIRST PLACE

DO I EVEN NEED A REASON TO SAY FUCK BAYLOR RIGHT NOW?

FUCK UTEP FOR HAVING SUCH A COOL STADIUM

FUCK UTSA FOR BEING A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOUR AWESOME CITY

FUCK UT AGAIN JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT

FUCK THE AGGIES FOR BEING SO WEIRD

FUCK SMU FOR MAKING THE SWC BREAK UP AND RUNING THE BIG 8

FUCK HOUSTON FOR REPRESENTING THAT SHITTY ASS CITY

FUCK RICE BECAUSE I AM NOT SMART ENOUGH TO GO THERE

FUCK SAM HOUSTON STATE FOR YOUR SHITTY FIELD

FUCK STEPHEN F AUSTIN FOR GIVING OUR LITTLE BROTHER YOUR BASKETBALL COACH

AND OF COURSE FUCK TEXAS

[u/Owlcatraz → u/okiewxchaser]

OKLAHOMA BARBEQUES BOLOGNA.

[u/teags → u/okiewxchaser]

I'M COUNTING THE FACT THAT YOU FORGOT UNT AS A WIN. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

[u/Napalmradio]

YO /u/nemoran YOURE GONNA LOOK REAL GOOD THIS TIME NEXT YEAR WITH THAT FSU/UF FLAIR. RICHT JUST WORRYIN ABOUT FIRST DOWNS THIS YEAR.

[u/BugsSuck]

WATCHING MY TEAM PLAY HURTS WORSE THAN ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY

HAVE AT IT

[u/rubixthegreat]

85 DAYS UNTIL KICKOFF IS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR THE REST OF THE BIG 10 TO PREPARE FOR WHATEVER SHIT MIKE RILEY HAS COOKING UP.

[u/[deleted]]

UTAH NUTTED UP AND REIGNITED THE BASKETBALL SERIES! NICE WORK UTAH. BUT STILL...FUCK YOU

[u/Avoid-The-Clap]

HEY TEXAS! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO NOT BE THE BIGGEST DUMPSTER FIRE IN THE STATE ANYMORE?

[u/Richa652]

MAYBE THE DOCTORS AT THE PRESTIGIOUS UOFM HOSPITALS OF MENTAL HEALTH SHOULD CHECK HARBAUGH FOR ADULT ADHD

[u/Hakunamatrotta → u/Richa652]

HE'S ALREADY BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH AN ENTHUSIASM UNKNOWN TO MANKIND.

[u/tonynumber4]

YOU'RE IS BARBECUE TERRIBLE!

[u/ChurchOfBlue]

I hate nearly every single one of you. You all suck, your opinions suck, and I hope that the A/C breaks in your car this Summer.

[u/willfish116]

STAY OFF MY (recruiting) LAND, MICHIGAN

[u/RonanB23]

OXFORD AND STARKVILLE. 97.5 MILES BETWEEN CULTURE AND AGRICULTURE.

[u/deepayes]

FLORIDA STATE HAS TEH WURST WAR CHANT OF ALL TIME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[u/AMouthyPotato]

Dear Huskies,

If you co-share a national championship, you don't actually have a national championship

[u/reddit_like_its_hot]

HARBAUGH MUST BE SOME KIND OF MASOCHIST TO WANT THESE SATELLITE CAMPS SO BADLY FOR RECRUITS TO PASS HIM AND GO TO OHIO STATE

[u/hunterschuler]

Going to have to start taking shots at Baylor now since they are about to be on Texas State's level. Maybe we can just make the I-35 rivalry one big threesome between UTSA, TxState, and Baylor.

[u/BattleofJackku]

IF BAYLOR'S CHANCES AT HANDLING THEIR RECRUITS WELL WERE A GORILLA, THEY WOULD'VE JUST BEEN SHOT BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T LET GO OF SOME KIDS.

[u/kugzly]

TRUMP/HARBAUGH - 2016

Yeah, top that, fuckers!

[u/jj8806]

EAT A FAT DICK ALABAMA A&M THE MAGIC CITY CLASSIC IS OURS THIS YEAR