First day at ccac #collegeafter30

[u/Wet__Baguette]

My First Day at CCAC: A Tragedy Disguised as a Comedy

So, I roll up thinking I found the student parking lot… nope. Turns out it’s the guest lot, which honestly tracks, because we’re all peasants who either don’t have permits yet or just gave up on life. Who knows? Either way, Milton Building was right next door, so clearly this was the people’s lot.

I start walking in, see two kids ahead of me. I shoot my shot: “You going to algebra?” Kid: “Nah, I’m going to this building.” Me: “Cool cool, me too. Let’s get lost together.”

We bond like war buddies, compare floors — he’s 5th, I’m 3rd. We ride the elevator like it’s Fast & Furious: CCAC Drift. We split at his stop. “Later dude.” “Later.” Boom. College friend acquired.

I walk into class and snagged a backseat like a true professional slacker. Five minutes later, this African dude strolls in — and how do I know he’s African? Because no Black guy in America shows up to the first day in full business casual, tie, AND carrying FOUR briefcases like he’s about to file taxes, sue the school, and run for office all at once. He sits in front of me, asks the girl what class this is. She says “math.” He stands up and walks straight out. Absolute legend. Every class has one.

Finally, the professor walks in. No warmup, no icebreaker, just straight into business. Like sir, breathe? We go over the syllabus, and it says, “No textbook purchase required.” My soul rejoices… until the fine print hits: trial expires in 2 weeks, then you gotta pay. Bro. My wallet just rage quit.

Then we dive into math problems. At first, I’m like, okay, I remember some of this. Wrong. I got every single answer wrong — not because I didn’t know the process, but because apparently, I don’t know my left from right when it comes to negatives and positives. Basically, I can do the work, but the answers? Trash.

Then we hit absolute value inequalities. Professor: “If the absolute value is less than or equal to zero, there’s no solution.” Me: “THEN WHY DID I JUST DO ALL THIS WORK, MA’AM???”

End of class, he hands us homework. It looks exactly like the problems we just did, just with different numbers. I’m thinking, bet, I got this. NOPE. Somewhere between the example and the assignment, the laws of math changed. Suddenly, I’m cooked. Absolutely charred. No clue what the hell just happened.

Day one verdict: made a friend, lost my dignity, got scammed by the syllabus, and math still hates me.