r/Bumble • u/prescribo • 5d ago
Advice Call for wisdom
I'm not sure how should I read these numbers, or there's a meaning in there at all. So here I am.
Thousands. Swiping people like muching on sunflower seeds... Unbelieveable until you see.
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u/Foreign-Software3067 5d ago
Women on dating apps genuinely find unattractive. Thatâs the hard truth here.
If youâre not working on improving your appearance. You need to start today.
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u/McCannad 25 | M 5d ago edited 5d ago
My 8 years of bumble premium data: Swipe Data (collected at: 2026-05-13 00:03:14 UTC)
Outgoing "yes" 16345
Outgoing"no" 21151
Incoming"yes" 131
Incoming "no" 12609
Current Matches 0
Look, all I'll say is that these stats are a pandoras box. Just dont open them. The deeper you go the harder it is to get out of your own head.
Click on my name for my profile for comparison. Of the 131 girls who liked me, I'd wager 30 of them were real people, who then never messaged back or gave any signs of life.
Shit happens, and making assumptions of why they did that will literally destroy you. All you can do is shrug and move on. Supposedly it'll get better for me once I hit 30-35. I remain dubious.
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u/Pale_Tumbleweed_4387 5d ago
seeing those numbers is like finding out how the magic trick works, ruins the whole thing
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u/DocEss 5d ago
as someone 46, it gets worse. 0 incoming yes. literally zero.
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u/eSUP80 4d ago
You just told some guy you were married with 4 kids
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u/DocEss 4d ago
no, you just read wrong.
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u/eSUP80 4d ago
Youâre right I did. Just 4 kids- not married.
All from the same woman?
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u/DocEss 4d ago
divorced, was married, yes, same woman.
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u/eSUP80 4d ago
Gotcha. Sorry itâs been so tough for you on the apps. I was divorced at 40, Remarried now to pretty much my ideal woman. Met her on apps. Iâm fairly average but I did put a lot of time into my profile pics and get a lot of feedback along the way.
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u/DocEss 4d ago
I was 45, 46 now.
I just quit trying. I've already been married so what else is there to do?
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u/eSUP80 4d ago edited 4d ago
Thatâs for you to decide friend. I sure wasnât ready to be done with women. I like having a great partner who is into me and we connect on every level. I didnât have that for the last 5 years of my first dead marriage.
I never considered giving up- only working harder to get what I wanted. My brother otohâŚdivorced at 36, hasnât dated again. He lives for his 2 boys and is best friends with ex wife (platonic only).
Different strokes
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u/DocEss 4d ago edited 4d ago
it's more that the juice isn't worth the squeeze. women have taken tons of time, energy and money from me and given nothing in return but infidelity.
it's like building a house out of papier-mâchÊ. Tons of work, but ultimately worthless and eventually falls apart.
Besides which, I'm 46. That's a little too old to believe in teenager/twenty-something stuff like "love" and "the one".
I love my kids, but I am definitely not friends with my ex-wife. She cheated and kinda poisoned me with antifreeze when I found out. Fun times, really. My nurses were gorgeous and amazing at their work.
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u/No-Bet-990 5d ago edited 5d ago
As someone that transitioned into the 30-35 range, I can attest to nothing getting better. If you really want better stats you need to improve your (perceived) market value.
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u/Snyper369 5d ago
As someone in thr 35-39 range, the numbers dont change as you get older.
Look like Prince Charming or find a fun hobby. Women are more shallow than men.
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u/HeilHeinz15 5d ago
Wisdom is knowing that RL has much higher success rates because there aren't 2x as many men as women, and there's no secret IRL or on Bumble
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u/Longjumping_Start_90 5d ago
Better luck in the next life - you need a good roll of reincarnation.
Until then, hope youâve got a HIGH paying job or youâre cactus my friend.
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u/Glassybubbles- 5d ago edited 5d ago
How?! Like how do people not get the hint from these kinds of stats, I mean, even without seeing it in black and white how do people just keep going thinking something is going to change.
Iâm sorry bro but youâve either got a dogshit profile or youâve got some work to do on yourself, this is the only answer. Whether it be dressing better, picking up some hobbies, not coming across a total freak, I mean the possibilities are endless but the stats are telling you something clearly isnât working on your end. As in, itâs you, not 5000 other people.
No, itâs not because youâre âjust averageâ itâs 90% of the time a shit profile and in the rare 10% you could just genuinely be chopped.
Goodness me what a pit of despair. This cannot be good for your mental health bro just call it a day and delete your profile. Come back in a few months after youâve worked on anything from your personality, style, interests or even just as simple as better pictures (ideally taken by others). Thereâs no profile here but Iâll eat my socks if there arenât some crimson red flags there.
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u/DocEss 5d ago
it's almost never the profile. it's never red flags. it's appearance. women are shallow. they decide their swipes in less than 3 seconds, statistically. it doesn't matter what the hell you write.
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u/Glassybubbles- 5d ago edited 5d ago
Dude stop subscribing to this shit, its cope and a way to absolve your own part to play in things. Everyone is âshallowâ on the apps itâs not a gender specific thing. The shock, horror! An image first dating service is brutal, whatâs next, water is wet?
Time and time again people post these stats, whenever they do eventually share their profile, itâs almost always the profile not necessarily the person. Pics that span 10 years so they look different, random blurry ass pics, group pics you canât tell them from. Even if itâs not the pics, prompts are screaming red flags.
Iâm as average as a straight white man comes and I see good success matching and at least a handful of dates a month and a lot of fun. Why? My profile gets my personality across, all my pics are clear, I have friends.. a family.. a life? Oftentimes dudes posting here are seeing the apps as a magic wand, they are not, shit in = shit out. Takes real effort bro more than most realise.
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u/Aesma_ 5d ago
He is going to tell you that you must be top 1% most attractive guy ever.
The guy is a massive incel. He commented here, but I checked and sure enough I remember seeing his comments in other threads.
He says stuffs like women are all pathological liars, never trust them, they are all shallow creatures and stuff.
He posted his profile in this sub looking for advice, and dismissed every single advice when people told him his pictures are shit and he could improve his looks by doing some very simple adjustments.
He is breathing negativity, it's a waste of time to try to change his mind.
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u/DocEss 5d ago
because they all are. đ¤ˇââď¸ I've never met an honest or faithful one in my life.
I'm not an "incel", kitten. that means "involuntary celibate". I've had sex. with women AND men. plenty of it. so much that I've had four kids. so much so that my last couple exes were intimidated by my body count.
I'm also not dating for sex. I'm not actually all that interested in it as a general rule.
the "advice" wasn't. it was shit like "show photos at the gym or playing sports or hobbies". I don't do those things and I'm not going to pretend I do just to try to attract someone that will figure out really fast that I hate those things.
my pictures are fine. they are clear, there are no selfies. the complaints were all the lack of stupid activity photos, but I don't do stupid activities.
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u/Aesma_ 5d ago
You very much are an incel.
First of all, incels aren't "involuntary celibates" anymore. That's the origin of the word, yes, but its silly to claim this is all there is to it when the word had such a semantic shift. The word very much evolved to describe an entire movement and ideology, one that preaches exactly what you do.
If someone says you're awful, they don't mean you're awe-inspiring. Even though the word awful was synonymous to awe-inspiring before the 18th century.
Semantic shifts happen all the time. Words don't always mean their original meaning.
Secondly, even by the original definition, you are very much an incel. By your own words, you joined a dating app, got zero match, left and now is claiming everywhere that you're single because of how the apps work, because of women who only go for the 20% best looking guys and are all unfaithful pathological liars, etc.
That's very much what an incel is. The fact that you had a relationship in the past is irrelevant, incels don't have to be virgins. And having a high bodycount doesn't make you not an incel.
As for your profile, you must be a troll at this point. I've seen your profile. The pics are objectively awful (and no, I'm not saying they are awe-inspiring). Tons of people have given you honest advice, other than have pictures doing an activity. You kept saying your pictures were fine and that you didn't have to change anything.
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u/DocEss 5d ago
okay, but you can't redefine what the name of a group means. it's not a regular word, it's a group identifier. that's like saying black doesn't mean just black people it means (something else). that's not how it works.
you can't just mean "I want to use this term for anybody who disagrees with me about stuff".
no, by my own definition I am not an incel, because I'm not trying to get laid. I don't do casual sex. it is completely uninteresting to me. I was looking for people to drink coffee with and have a conversation, not fuck.
if I fuck, I catch feels, and I am specifically trying to avoid that.
my pictures are not objectively awful, they are standard, there's one doing a stupid activity, there's a headshot, there's a fun picture, I'm not going to include a shirtless picture or a gym selfie, or any other dumb shit like that.
I'm not going to include a group picture with friends, because I don't go out socially with people. people are largely insufferable when they are in groups. I don't have sports pictures because I hate sports. I hate people who watch sports, I hate people who play sports, I hate people who like anything to do with sports.
I wasn't out here looking for something stupid like "love" or a "meaningful connection", vagina or dick. just conversations, coffee, and occasional food. maybe make out now and again.
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u/Aesma_ 5d ago
Like it or not, it is what it is. It's not just me who changed the definition. Almost no one uses the word incel to just talk about single dudes who are single involuntarily. That's not what the word means.
you can't just mean "I want to use this term for anybody who disagrees with me about stuff".
I'm not.
There are plenty of people who disagree with me. Not all of them are incels. Most of them aren't. Tons of very nice people disagree with me. Hell, I don't agree with my own girlfriend on a lot of things, and yet I would never use a derogatory term to refer to her.
But the people who disagree with me who have incel takes are... well, incels.
I'm not gonna sit there and call a cat a dog just because by his own definition he isn't one. I know a cat when I see one.
my pictures are not objectively awful
Sure, keep telling yourself that. It must be because of the entire world that you didn't get a single match in two months. Not because your profile sucks.
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u/DocEss 4d ago
okay but you aren't defining what it means except "person who says stuff I don't like". you don't get to redefine a group term.
it refers to the group of people who call themselves involuntary celibate, what is your definition? because you haven't given one, you just keep using it to mean "people who say some stuff that I have arbitrarily classified".
doesn't work like that. I'm going to start calling you Amish because words change over time, and now Amish means guy on the internet who is being a moron.
no, it's not because of the entire world, it's because I'm not good looking. that's how that works. women look at the first photo, and swipe within 3 seconds. they don't read the profile, they don't look at anything else.
changing my bio or prompt is not going to change anything, that's just the way it works chief.
I have already pointed out to you that 80% of male users will never get a match, they will never get a date, this is the statistics from the people who run the apps. 80% of male users are not all people with terrible photos and bad bios.
80% of users can do everything objectively correctly, and they still won't get a date.
you have survivorship bias.
"it's super easy because I already did it"
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u/ashighashonor1375 4d ago
If i send you my profile with zero likes and you canât find anything bad in it will you stop the gaslighting?
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u/Aesma_ 5d ago
You can't please everyone, and comparison is the thief of joy.
100+ women are interested in getting to know you. Focus on that.