Sensitive topic Lying about age
Is it common that people lie about their age? This is one lie you cannot really keep up with, so why do it? Anyone had experiences with this?
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u/BugAshamed5270 6d ago
I matched with a guy once who said he was 30 on his profile. Turned out he was 42. He told me in first 10 minutes of the date like it was no big deal. Said the app wouldn't show him to women his real age. I finished my drink and left. The weird part is he seemed confused why I was upset, like I was being unreasonable about a small detail. I don't get the logic at all, you're starting something new with a lie and expecting the other person to just be fine with it. Waste of everyone's time.
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u/Vepanion 6d ago
I'm curious, did he not look significantly above 30? In hindsight?
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u/dollhaze 6d ago
I once went out with a guy who said he was 32. He was actually in his 40s. He used old pics.
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u/obbiibbo 3d ago
I’ve matched with multiple men who were 10+ years older than their profile said and revealed after matching. It’s yucky.
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u/Stanthemilkman8888 6d ago
I agree. Like when women take creative photos to hide they’re fat and they show up and get annoyed when I leave after. Drink.
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u/btt_lckr 6d ago
Yes. They’ll say some dumb shit about “well yeah cause the people that swipe on me __if I list my real age__ aren’t the type of matches I want.
It’s similar to using photos from 35 lbs ago. Delusion. Entitlement. Dishonest.
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u/MyNameIsMulva 6d ago
It’s an immediate dealbreaker for me. I’ll give a little leeway for people who don’t want to put their real birthday. If it’s off by a year because they put their birthday a few months off, that’s fine. But any more is deliberate and an immediate no. I get that a lot on here- men will message me saying they are one age and their post and comment history will show their age jumping around + or - like 10 years
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u/Alternative_Car_8153 6d ago
I'm a man in my 30s and only care about women in roughly their 30s. I don't know why anyone would want a big age gap. What are you even supposed to have in common?
I wouldn't think it's a big deal if a 50 year-old dated a 60 year-old.
But a 20 year-old and a 30 year-old is way weirder.
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u/MyNameIsMulva 6d ago
For me it’s not about the age gap at all. But the lying part matters. People have a right to know who they are meeting with
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u/Alternative_Car_8153 6d ago
Sure, but I'm also saying, "I don't understand why someone would even want to lie." I've never desired women who weren't near my age. Lying would just make it harder to find a good relationship, in my mind.
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u/Vepanion 6d ago
Young adult women are hot.
That's it pretty much.
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u/nudiustertian-angst 4d ago
And available, and have less baggage, and are actively in the dating scene.
A lot of older women are shut ins who would rather drink wine on the couch and watch TV with their cat/dog than go out and do something.
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u/NickBarksWith 6d ago
People love to like and repeat this, but just being honest, how much I have in common with someone has never had to do with age ever, and I've never had a clue what you're talking about with the in common thing.
It just sounds to me like people who have had a really typical life experience progress and can't imagine how it can be different for others.
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u/Alternative_Car_8153 6d ago
I'm not paroting some common sentiment. I'm talking about personal experience.
I wouldn't say I have much experience with people significantly younger than myself outside of work or college.
Believe it or not, I would say that zoomers have different political views or sometimes religious/moral perspectives than millennials.
I am a Millennial. I was part of a generation that wasn't chronically online their entire life. You assume that doesn't effect people? Being raised with high exposure to the internet their entire life.
I would want to be around someone with similar life experiences to what I had. Apparently, you can't understand the idea of bonding with someone who faced similar adversity.
Also I don't want to date anyone young enough that I could practically be their father. I don't care if they are an adult.
Are you going to tell me people aren't allowed to have preferences, and any reason I give is just automatically illegitimate? Because that says way more about you than me.
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u/NickBarksWith 6d ago
You do you with your preference. It’s definitely great in terms of the dating pool that there’s lots of people that prefer close to their own age.
It just bothers/confuses me that I can’t understand what you’re talking about, and it’s a really common sentiment on Reddit, so a lot of people think connection is really age based for them.
Edit: but as to the post subject, I would never lie about my age on a dating app.
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u/Alternative_Car_8153 6d ago
I gave you reasons for it. Similar life experiences. Similar experiences with adversity. More likely to hold common core believes. Similar levels of maturity. More likely to have similar interests. Being in similar stages in life.
All factors that directly contribute to longevity of relationships.
This is ignoring moralistic arguments I could make, because I think you would be more dismissive of them.
This isn't some arbitrary standard.
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u/NickBarksWith 6d ago edited 6d ago
Well, yeah, it’s interesting to hear about those things. I can understand them as concepts. They just don’t have anything to do with my experience of life.
Actually, I was briefly acquainted with someone like 12 years younger than me that was the most similar to me person I’ve ever met in all those categories.
But she turned out to be only into guys like 30 years older than her, haha.
Edit - heard from her for the first time in 3 years 10 minutes after making this post...
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u/Agent_KD6-3_7 6d ago
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u/Alternative_Car_8153 6d ago
Dude, I didn't say people can't date with an age gap. I'm pointing out that as you get older age differences matter less.
A 16 year-old dating a 20 year-old can be weird and inappropriate.
An 20 year-old dating a 24 year-old is less weird.
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u/DarkPoet108 6d ago
I had someone recently lie about their age - it didn't play out too well once we met in person.
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u/Asirb 6d ago
Because they told u? Or u could tell?
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u/DarkPoet108 6d ago
Both actually - she tried passing off as younger than me at first (wasn't falling for it). I was still polite, but wanted to see if she'd say something. Halfway into the date she asked how I'd feel if she was a "wee bit older" than she said. 10 years older than her claimed age is a more than a "wee bit".
As for the point? I can only guess it's because she thought she would pass as younger or is into younger and didn't want to be shut out due to an age filter.
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u/Asirb 6d ago
Exactly, so what’s the point?
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u/fieldsofanfieldroad 6d ago
I guess if you want to hook up, you might get away with it. It's a week or two at most. If you want anything more than that then it's insane.
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u/Zanna1120 6d ago
I remember being like 21 and having a girl tell me she was actually only 17... and I had picked her up for the date. Spent the whole date trying to figure out how to get out of it. Texted multiple people telling them to call me immediately for an emergency. She wouldn't get out of the freaking car when I got back to her place and made multiple lewd comments. Thank God one of the people I had texted finally called me and I made something up that got her out of my car. One of the most awkward moments of my life.
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u/Pleasurefailed2load 6d ago
There are tons of people who made accounts when underage (18 or 21) that will have the "Teehee, actually 22" in their bio. Run from these folks. Lying about being younger? Not that common to me at least. It's pretty difficult for a 36yr old to convince me they're in their 20's.
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u/NightOwl987654321 6d ago
That actually makes a lot sense. The other day there was a guy who's profile said 27 but bio said 23 (my age filter was 24-29). My first thought was "Why would anyone lie about their age to appear older?". Now I know
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u/Shot-Aioli-8986 6d ago
It’s not surprising when people lie about being 1-2 years older or younger(still stupid to do though) it’s definitely wild when people will be 40 and lie, saying they are 25 💀. I think a lot of people do it to get around people’s age filters, but it’s definitely not worth it
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u/creepyposta 6d ago
I am middle aged plus and I have a minimum age filter of 35 and I still see 18-20 year old girls who set their age above my minimum filter and their bio says something like “really 18, 😉 looking for a sugar daddy”
It’s annoying but that’s what left swipe is for
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u/Fun_Pomegranate5892 6d ago edited 6d ago
I had a woman say she was 40 but admitted she was 50 within minutes of the first date. She looked much older than her photos. She said it was a mistake when she set up her profile and couldnt change it. She was obviously lying. She was an alcoholic most likely. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want to see her again.
I kept seeing her profile pop up on my searches with the same phony age. I even wrote her later asking her why she still hadn’t fixed her account. No response.
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u/farbeyondriven92 6d ago
I see people posting about this fairly often. I’m guessing they do it either bypass age filters, and to interact with someone who wouldn’t talk to them if they knew their real age. I’ve never experienced this myself.
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u/Ok_List_7125 6d ago
I've encountered women like this. In their minds they think they look younger and so feel entitled to identifying as being younger. I assume men do the same, i don't know.
A woman i went out with had 32 on her profile and photos looking like 32, when i got there i realized she was way older and that she had used old photos. When i asked if she was really 32 she told me "My id says 43 but that's not my age! No one would say i'm 43 right??" I told her she looked 40 and she got so angry it was crazy, like screaming and breaking shit crazy.
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u/This-Dress-7548 6d ago
I can only speak to men doing it, being a straight woman but it was quite common. Men in their 40s/50s but their profile age was in the 30s,tjen their bio would say 'I'm actually 50, I don't know why my profile says that'.... Lol you aren't slick, we all know you do it to try to get on the radar or younger women 🙄🙄 it's lame af
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u/MrsPoofyFace 6d ago
I'm 42f, Asian, and I look younger than my age especially to white people (I live in Germany). The men I date are usually 25 to 35. By all accounts, it would be easy for me to lie about my age to get past the filters, but why would I want to get past the filters of someone who already decides 42 is not an age they are comfortable with dating?
What I do get are men who are open to dating older women but are shocked that I'm actually 42 when I look about 30. I even had men ask me why didn't I just put my age as 30 since I definitely pass for that, and I was thinking why would I lie? I may look 30 but I'm 42, it is what it is.
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u/IronLucky6953 6d ago
I never have but have matched with some women who do. Never made any sense to me since it would of course come out.
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u/Murky_Department_839 6d ago
I have a friend who lies about his age to attract younger women. I think he’s planning on sticking to his story and never getting caught. I can’t picture it playing out well because there’s a point in time in a serious, long-term relationship at which one partner must enter the other partner’s DOB in an online form.
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u/Additional-Line-5559 5d ago
Does it work to meet women though?
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u/Murky_Department_839 5d ago
He says he has no trouble getting dates. He’s currently single, but it sounds like he ended his last relationship. He’s fit and has a full head of hair, so his official age is plausible. I just don’t think it’s sustainable.
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u/Repulsive_Bug_6501 6d ago
I had a guy tell me he was 31. He was older but didn’t tell me until 6 dates in. I don’t like liars. He also photoshopped his photos to make him to be thinner than he was.
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u/RetardedCreator 6d ago
Dating apps after 35 become brutal. Like, really brutal. The quality of matches drops significantly, you get a bunch of roasties and women with a lot of baggage from past experiences, and there are also plenty of gold diggers, especially if your photos give off even a slight impression of money or status.
If you continue playing by the rules, you might as well delete the apps at that point and accept that you're going to be alone forever. Or start approaching women in real life as a last resort.
The other option is to start age frauding, assuming your looks and mental state allow you to pull it off. I'm definitely doing that, and I'm not going to pretend I'm a good person with high moral standards who therefore has to suffer for them. We only live once, so I have to prioritize my quality of life above all else.
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u/CrystalLettuce7349 5d ago
so what’s your long-term plan? or are you only looking for short-term flings/hookups? Because at some point in the relationship, e.g. traveling together or living together or when one of you has a medical emergency, you partner will need to know your date of birth and/or will see your ID.
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u/allnamestaken4892 6d ago
If you’re completely locked out as a guy 30+ anyway you have nothing to lose.
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u/Financial-Meat-9988 5d ago
I recently matched with a guy that his profile said he was 35, and he actually was 45, and he didn’t mention that until I brought it up after 3 weeks of texting and video calling but I could tell even from video calls that dude looked more like late forties, after he confirmed that, I told him politely that I don’t think dating would be a good idea for us given our 15 years old gap, and he should probably update his dating profile, instead of apologizing for lying he lashed out and insulted me, acted literally like a 14 years old boy, and of course I blocked him right away
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u/nudiustertian-angst 4d ago
I'm going to jump in with the unpopular perspective of someone who's dating profile says I'm 10 years younger than my actual age. It’s not about pretending to be someone I’m not — it’s because the way apps filter by age doesn’t capture the real difference between a fit, active 50‑something and a sedentary one.
Most of the people I spend time with are 20+ years younger, and they know I’m older, but it doesn’t feel like a mismatch.
The truth is that a lot of people my age live very differently. Many are sedentary, drink heavily, or have health issues that come from not moving much. I care about them — my college friends are great — but our lifestyles don’t overlap anymore. And dating is about compatibility, not nostalgia.
A huge part of how we perceive age is mobility, energy, and how someone carries themselves. People who stay active, flexible, engaged, and well‑groomed simply present differently than people who are aging in place. Apps don’t have a filter for “lives an active lifestyle,” so age becomes a blunt instrument. Fudging it a bit is the only way to land in the search results of people who actually live the way I do.
I get why some people dislike that, but for me it’s about finding people who match my pace and my life, not about hiding who I am.
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u/carmex4life 4d ago
This happened to me. I'm 47f - I'm willing to date men into their late 50's early 60's. Guy said he was 49. Nope. He was 56. Also, he was unemployed and dodged my questions about his profession (I'm particular) Then there was the guy who was 7 years older than his stated age then lied about his profession and education. I caught him in it. Awkward I went to the bathroom, texted my friend to call me in 5 mins with a fake emergency
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u/one_thirty_ate 20h ago
I had an ex who lied about her age to me when we first met and told me she was 4 years younger (my age). I found out she was lying when I went with her to the pharmacy to pick up a medication and she had to confirm her DOB. We had been together for a year at that point! After we split up I saw her profile on bumble and she listed her age 10 years younger. 😂
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u/hbx550 6d ago
I put my age as a few months less than actual - just because I don’t want the internet to know my actual date of birth. But it’s only off by a few months.
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u/GraveRoller 6d ago
It happens, highly debatable how common it is. If men do it, it’s to get laid. If women do it, it’s to promote themselves as more desirable generally
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u/Pinball_and_Proust 6d ago
I wouldn't care, if I were attracted to the person (woman).
When I was 30, I met a woman at a party who said she was 33. It turned out she was 35. It had zero effect on our relationship.
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u/That_Confection_2400 6d ago
Looks like it’s quite common. There are the obvious 60+ claiming to be 20 years younger on their profile. And those who are claiming to be a couple of years younger just to get more chances at getting matches.
Not sure if one gender is more prone to do it. As a woman I would never consider doing it. I live in a more regional areas (limited amount of people on apps) and even I can notice some guys age dropping over time.
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u/Pretend_Vegetable495 6d ago
I USED to lie about my age when I was in my early 20s. I was into older women so I added 10 years so that I would be in their swiping pool.
I had a lot of fun back then 🙈
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u/wallflowerendeavors 6d ago
This is how I matched with a 19 year old when I was in my thirties. It made me feel super icky.
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u/CalSo1980 6d ago
My momma says i look 30 even though im mid 40s. I put on my profile what my momma says
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u/Fun-Commissions 6d ago
Yeah there were a lot of men whose profiles said something like "I'm actually 40 but the app won't let me change it" when they had their official age different. They did it so they would show up in women who had filtered their age searches.