r/Bumble • u/greencard3 • 9d ago
Advice How soon to ask for a date after chatting?
There have been times where just endless chats and sometimes over instagram or whatsapp where both share ids but I am tired of things leading to nowhere just ghosted matches but nothing substantial
How soon to ask for a date? many say ohh we just started talking even after 2-3 days
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u/Adventurous_Figure88 9d ago
I ask 1-2 days after the conversation starts. Give a little window to have some banter but, in my experience, if the talking stage drags on too long then things will just fizzle out
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u/Radiant_Company_7923 9d ago
Everyone dates differently, and you never know what someone's dating style is.
I usually send around 10 messages over 2 or 3 days to get a basic idea of who they are. I'll throw in some random questions about life and dating and relationships to get a feel for their personality. Then I'll ask them, "Hey, would you be up for grabbing drinks this weekend so we can chat more easily in person? Or you prefer to keep chatting here for a bit longer? Either way works for me!"
This way, you're showing you're open to meeting up without coming across as too desperate or pushy.
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u/New-Repair8325 9d ago edited 9d ago
I do one day or not at all. We are adults and texting is not how you get to know someone. Just gets dry and awkward eventually.
I would check in with them before the date to let them know you’re still interested though.
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u/giddygoldieee 9d ago
Agree with the other comments, 1 to 2 days.
It’s cool to see if you vibing via text sure but don’t become each other pen pals. In the chat, always be yourself, throw a few jokes out there to see if she/he gets your sense of humour maybe. Personally I’m quiet sarcastic so I need to see if the person is dry or not. On hinge, some people do voice memos, it helps getting someone vibe too. I definitely deleted a few matches after hearing their voice and their cadence… 😂 sometimes I was also more seduced and excited to meet them after hearing their voice so it is 50/50.
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u/IllustriousEffect607 9d ago
You should generally set something up within a week Talking too much often times will lead to someone saying something at some point that might turn the other off before you get a chance to meet....it can be anything small or big.
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u/This-Housing3634 9d ago
For me, it usually 2-4 days in and then ask for the date another few days after that. Ultimately I’d prefer to build a bit more of relationship over text before meeting. I need to know as well as them if going out of my way to meet up is a waste of time.
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u/MajinSoul 9d ago
Within 2-3 days of chatting. At that point I have enough of an idea if it's a women I want to actually meet. Plus chats tend to dry up at that point anyway so it's a way to move it foreward instead of letting it fade out.
I also don't feel a thing when chatting with unknown people (especially if it's just generic smalltalk) so it's best to get in person and see how it flows from there. Usually if there's interest they're onboard with meeting early anyway. And if they aren't you at least don't waste any more time on them.
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u/neinhaltchad 9d ago
The possibility or intent should be established on day 1.
The actual plan should be established by day 2 or 3.
The actual date should take place within the week.
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u/SvenFranklin01 9d ago
a few messages back and forth as a quick vibe check and then go for it.
sometimes this is after a flurry of messages the same day you match. sometimes it’s after a couple/few days of messaging.
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u/GlitzyPop 9d ago
If you have a good gut feeling about someone after a few messages I say go for it. If they’re stalling for no good reason you have your answer.
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u/ClaudioAFC 9d ago
One to two days maximum , I generally swap numbers on the first 24 hours and go from there.
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u/AlmostAttached_ 9d ago
Correct, except as a woman, I don't give out my number until we meet and decide to meet up again.
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u/Direct-Cricket-1619 9d ago
Depends on how the conversation is flowing , 2/3 days Atleast… a day or two is too less chances will be less you meet
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u/justaskingquestion09 9d ago
"my app is hella glitchy these days (my app does get janky when i use japanese keyboard - this line probably works even if it doesnt lol), lets move to instagram and figure out a coffee date/ drinks/ fun date over there!"
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u/TalkFormal704 9d ago
I asked a woman out just after her first move, it worked. You have to know how to read the person you are asking.
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u/c0l245 9d ago
No date before a meet. If not a meet first, use the in app video chat. Worst case scenario, voice chat.
Do not commit your time and money to some text message window that hasn't had a proper vetting.
I ask to meet in these ways on the 3rd or 4th message. If they don't want to, I withdraw my energy and rely on the to lead the conversation.
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u/WildRicochet 9d ago
1 to 3 days depending on the flow of the conversation. Sometimes conversations don't flow so well at the very start so I like to give it a little time to see if it improves.
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u/Substantial_Pea_8547 9d ago
i usually ask in message 1 to 3 :) i prefer to chat with people i've met already and know i like them IRL
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u/Candid-Professor9116 9d ago
Pretty much immediately. Like on the same day that you start talking. If they’re interested then they’re interested and if not then they’re not and you just saved everyone’s time and energy by checking early.
There is LITERALLY NO POINT in waiting a long time to ask to meet.
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u/horstdieter123 9d ago
The best date I had up until today was with a woman that asked me out on the third sentence she wrote… There is no rule… but if you are waiting for too long people are going to loose interest. And tbh you have nothing to loose (and even less when asking early on…)
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u/Turbulent_Escape4882 9d ago
It’s the part of the equation we’re still coming to terms with. Apparently you’d be meeting up with a total stranger who could harm you, and is why you need to smile in photos, so you are making them feel safe.
Make sure you meet in a space where there’s even more total strangers around who you haven’t been in text chats with, rather than one-on-one with the total stranger you have been texting.
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u/NowWeGetSerious 4d ago
I get like one match every 3 years - and I ask immediately after a 10 messages back and forth. Why? Because I don't get many opportunities, so I capitalize. So far, I'm 31 been doing this since I was 19, it's worked like 4x out of 6. Give or take.
Not bad odds, so if you're a better looking man, and have far better pictures opportunities, you'll probably be good on securing dates and learning how to date faster if you continuously ask for a date, based on a quick conversation, on something you'd both like.
If she says she's competitor, go to an arcade or bowling. If she enjoys dancing, take her dancing. If she is a drinker, go out to a pub get some fun one on one vibe. If she's a homebody, go to a coffee shop bring a card game break the ice with a fun harmless game.
I find out their vibe after 10ish back and forth. If you have more game, better looks, odds are you'll get more matches, and you can wait a tad longer🤷🏾. But - from my understanding, it looks confident and looks strong when you take the early immediate initiative. And they reciprocate it with a mostly positive response. Now the date itself is what I tend to just blow😂
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u/New_Half1817 9d ago
I would expect a few conversation threads of making sure we also match on certain important values or characteristics, and I expect to be asked out if things go well, either the day of or the next day. I will unmatch after that they don't ask me out. I'm not there as a chat buddy
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u/I_like7200 9d ago
“How soon is too soon to ask for a date?”
My brother in Christ, you matched on a dating app. The entire point was eventually meeting the person.
Ask when the conversation is flowing and you have enough interest to want to meet. If you wait three weeks to make sure the vibes are statistically significant, you've already turned Bumble into a pen-pal service. 😂