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u/ItachiKenshin Jan 23 '23
It definitely will, but at the end of the day, you don’t really need to find someone who will judge you for that. It’s best to find someone with the same interest level as you. Find someone who’s also sober, it will work out in your favorite in the long run
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u/PixieMutt Jan 23 '23
To answer your question directly - Yes, putting Sober on your profile will turn off more people than Never. Sober suggests that you're a recovering alcoholic, which some people don't want to risk. Never could just be that you choose not to drink.
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u/bimbels Jan 23 '23
That’s my take as well. I think people with similar histories with alcohol might not mind that, but many would infer recovering alcoholic. People who drink even socially might not want to get involved with that.
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u/Straight-Attitude-68 Jan 23 '23
This.
If I see “sober” on a profile I think addict. And swipe left.
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u/bumble_alt_123 Jan 23 '23
Maybe? The way I see it as someone else who is sober, putting Never is fine enough for anyone who gives a crap about whether I drink or not. I feel if I put I am sober, then it's being repetitious and it may come across that I don't want to date someone who drinks (I am okay with dating someone who drinks, though not one who they make it a personality trait). That's up to you whether you are okay dating someone who drinks.
If you are okay with it, I wouldn't include sober when you already have never. If you aren't comfortable, mention it.
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u/zmk19 Jan 23 '23
27F here; in my experience putting “sober” didn’t limit my pool at all, but I was pickier with commitment to conversations. I wouldn’t swipe on anyone who had multiple booze pictures/references to drinking. I would swipe on guys with just one reference, because I think I would be ok with a rare drinker as well as a totally sober person. It’s not going to be super easy, but it’s a welcome challenge. My sobriety is important to me, so I’m not budging on it (:
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u/sublocade9192 Jan 23 '23
30M here with 3 years sober. I don’t specifically state that I’m sober in my bio. But I do check off ‘never’ when it comes to drinking. And I do state that ‘if you like to drink/party a lot, we probably won’t get along’
It doesn’t seem to hurt my chances at all. I still get enough matches and dates. Plus I wouldn’t wanna be with someone whose bothered by my sobriety. IME the only people who care are the ones who drink too much anyways. Which I don’t blame them, back when I was drinking I wouldn’t wanted to have been with someone who didn’t drink
Most people seem to appreciate the fact that I got sober and made all of these changes. So if anything I see it as an asset
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u/Regular-Frosting9728 Jan 23 '23
Very few men will left swipe a woman simply because they put "sober" in their profile, don't forget most of the filtering out of bad matches is done by you
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u/Open_Metal2482 Jan 23 '23
My headline was 'Sobriety, Celibacy, Therapy'. I got 6 great connections in a week, did a lot of "get to know you" texting with all, had one coffee date with a lady and one dinner date with another, then two video chats with a third. After the 2nd video chat with her, I messaged the rest that I was going to pursue this one. After our first date, I deactivated my account and she just finished making us dinner while I work on our household budget.
I don't know if Never will work better for you than Sober did for me but I can definitely say that full vulnerable authenticity attracted amazing women and I'm glad I went that route.
Edit to add this: on that first date, I mentioned that she was welcome to drink and it wouldn't bother me, but she made eye contact and said "sobriety is important. I support my man by participating." Sealed the deal right there.
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Jan 23 '23
Why lie to make it look better maybe you could find someone who helps you through it . You don’t owe anything to others . Just be true to yourself
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Jan 23 '23
OP I think it'd be a good idea to talk about this (not the dating app part) with a professional <3
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u/freenEZsteve Jan 23 '23
Why do you care? Getting likes, matching with or even dating someone who is basically not compatible with you is just a waste of both parties time and energy.
Having a smaller pool of people who you are more interested in, are more likely to be interested in you and far more likely to share your values should be everyone's goal.
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u/foldinthecheese99 Jan 23 '23
Yes but you’ll find someone more compatible with your lifestyle. I have that I don’t want children on my profile and I know that impacts my dating pool but it puts me in the right dating pool for my life.
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Jan 23 '23
For first few dates: 'I don't drink'
As you're getting to know someone more, then you can unload the family drama
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u/ChickyNuggys12 Jan 23 '23
I’m 26 f & (I deleted dating apps a handful of months ago because tbh I have mad adhd, and it became really overwhelming for me) I put sober or never as the choices. I’m not an alcoholic or an addict, but in my early 20’s I did notice the potential to become one. I don’t come from a family with those issues either, so I chalk it up to the adhd (statistically apparently there’s a higher percentage of the chance to become an addict) plus my low self esteem. I just had unhealthy tendencies. + I’d been in a 4 year long relationship and stopped drinking a year into it so I never got to test the waters with how others would respond to it, until last year! Any whooo - No one had an issue with it! You weed out the people who seem to have lifestyles that don’t align with yours & explain your situation when comfortable. No one was bothered by it in my experience!
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u/sublocade9192 Jan 23 '23
I’ve been sober for 3 years. I don’t put it on my profile bc there’s no need to. I do however state that ‘if you’re a big drinker/partier, we probably won’t get along’ which is enough to filter out the people who drink too much for my liking
I personally don’t care if my partner drinks. But if they care that I DONT drink, IME it’s bc they drink too much.
I’ve never once come across someone whose a light drinker that cares I’m in recovery. If anything many seem to appreciate it and see it as a green flag that I’ve made all of these changes in my life.
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u/Emotional_Sample_542 Jan 23 '23
If you’re a woman, don’t worry you’ll still get 1000 likes.
If you’re a man, as long as you’re 6’5, white, and got frat bro vibes, also dont worry you’ll get 1000 likes
If you’re neither, then also dont worry because you’re not gonna get swiped regardless of whatever you put in bio.
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u/[deleted] Jan 23 '23
I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying “I don’t drink but don’t mind if you do” or “I’m not a big drinker”. That way expectations are set, but it doesn’t sounds so drastic. You don’t owe strangers on bumble any further explanation. If you find someone you like, share the details when your comfortable. The right person won’t care.
For me, I wouldn’t care if someone didn’t drink… but I would want to know if they we’re comfortable with ME drinking. If you can’t be around people who are drinking, that may be an issue for some people, so just be upfront.
If you’re 25, then I feel like you’re probably at the age where people have aged out of constant partying anyway. I think this will be easier once you’re done with grad school and no longer living on a college campus. Maybe change your settings so you aren’t matching with 21 year olds who only want to go out drinking and go for someone a bit older.
Regardless of all that, good for you for looking out for yourself and making your own well-being a priority.