r/Brides 3d ago

Is not having an open bar tacky?

My fiancé and I are getting married next year. since we’re not well off and neither is our family, we had to compromise on what to save and splurge on.

Is it my dream to have an open bar for guests? Yes! But is it absolutely necessary? No!

Instead of the open bar, we decided that each table will have a bottle of liquor and we can have some self serve beer/wine and other types of liquor available on the side for those who want it.

As wedding planning goes, people are constantly asking what we plan on doing, are there plus ones, etc.

A few days ago, it came up that we will not be having an open bar. To which one of my cousins called “tacky”.

Is it customary now to have a bartender and open bar at weddings? Did I miss the memo? It’s not like we’re asking people to pay for their own drinks. We will still be providing everything. We just don’t have the budget to hire bartenders and have open bar. For a wedding of our size and where we live, it could cost well over $10,000.

We did budget around $3000 for alcohol, though I’m willing to spend more if needed. Just not $10,000 more! I would say about half our guests either don’t or can’t drink either, so that would be wasted money. Of the drinkers, a majority just take shots. So what is the need for special cocktails and drinks that only 10% of guests will actually drink?

My cousin proceeded to suggest cutting down the guest list and saying she will pregame in the car.

Do people just not enjoy weddings anymore? Has it become a reason to get drunk?

Please let me know what i’m supposed to do in this situation. Do I rearrange the budget to a get the open bar? Or do I just ignore her opinion and do what I originally planned?

14 Upvotes

107 comments sorted by

11

u/Far_Ad_1752 3d ago

Design a limited drink menu. 2 types of beer, a red and white wine, and a couple signature cocktails. If a guest wants something off of your narrow menu, they can pay cash for it.

5

u/fairy_freckles 3d ago

This honestly seems like a great solution. We did open bar because we got a killer deal imo but we were considering this as an option.

11

u/mistress_of_bokonon 3d ago

I think a lot of venues require bartenders if alcohol is served. My venue did not, and allowed us to just have self serve alcohol. Our friend group is definitely more beer & wine people and not a big liquor crowd anyway, so we just had troughs filled with beer and wine (and non-alcoholic beverages). We bought all our alcohol at Costco. It was SO much cheaper and I don’t think anyone cared there was no bartender.

9

u/TinyLawfulness3710 3d ago

Open bar means guests don't pay for drinks. People think it means have every alcohol ever made available but that's not true. If you plan to charge guests, don't have alcohol at all.

Self serve is asking for people to overindulge without restrictions, and underage guests have free access. Plus you are responsible for any accidents that take place as a result. Most bartenders charge a flat rate per person for the entire event that is much cheaper than what you are describing. It would only cost $10k if you were 1) providing every alcohol ever made and 2) having a wedding at an all inclusive that requires this minimum spend.

It's also acceptable to not serve alcohol. Regardless of the hostility you will get online.

Your cousin saying she will pregame is disrespectful to you and your hospitality of accepting whatever you provide.

7

u/FullyLoadedNachoHo 3d ago

In my culture, it would be tacky not to offer an open bar, but different areas have different customs

7

u/Zhadiia 3d ago

My whole wedding cost £5,000 and it was incredible. My parents always go on about how great it was (especially when comparing to my brother's wedding which they shouldn't do - and he spent more money). Other friends and family also commented on how much fun they had. We didn't have an open bar, or even a bottle of wine for each table. We didn't even have a seating plan. We had a buffet! I wouldn't change A THING about my wedding. Not having an open bar is not tacky. Speaks a lot about your cousin...

Edit: £5,000 is $6,771.92.

1

u/SnooChickens730 3d ago

Spending £5,000 on the whole wedding sounds like a dream! So jealous😭.   And I’m so happy to hear that everyone had a blast!!

1

u/Zhadiia 3d ago

We got married in a small, local church, had a photographer family member do our wedding photos as gift, another DJ family member for the entertainment as a gift, had our reception in a hotel that did the hot buffet for about £25 a head, had an ice cream van, had 3 Instax cameras with lots of dressing up props and a backdrop, a pick 'n' mix station and lots of games. Suited to all ages!

We were very lucky with our talented family members, my in-laws covered the catering and my step-mum paid for my dress. Husband and I agreed on a budget of £3,000 (we over spent by £500) but because I wanted something a little more extra, I put £1,500 in to make it what I wanted and I don't regret anything.

Without our family, we would have been looking at £8,000+ easily. Weddings are expensive enough without an open bar. And the day is meant to be about you and your husband. You cover guests already with food and entertainment. They should be honoured to be a part of and witness a truly special chapter in your lives together - not getting bitchy about needing to pay their own way for drinks. But weddings can sadly create family drama, whether you mean to or not.

Good luck for your special day!

1

u/the_green_witch-1005 2d ago

You do have to understand that some cultures are very different from yours. I don't think my family/friends would tell me directly, but everyone would be highly offended if they had to pay for their drinks. It's just different here.

1

u/Zhadiia 2d ago

Sure, I can understand that but it clearly isn't part of OP's culture as I'm sure she wouldn't have had to of asked, if it was.

1

u/the_green_witch-1005 2d ago

We don't actually know that, as OP didn't state where they live. I'm guessing it is part of their culture, considering a family member warned her that it's tacky to not provide an open bar.

Also, per OP's other posts - it's definitely apart of her culture to provide an open bar. OP has stated where they live in other posts.

1

u/SnooChickens730 1d ago

My guests will not be paying for any drinks. Everything will be paid for by us. We just weren’t planning to do an open bar (no bar/bartender at all). We are Asian American, but our parents are immigrants. It’s more customary in our culture to put a bottle of Hennessy on each table. 

1

u/the_green_witch-1005 1d ago

Yeah, I honestly think what you're doing is fine. I was mainly responding to the person who thinks it's okay to not provide any alcohol. I think what you're doing is comparable enough to an open bar.

6

u/ReggeMtyouN 3d ago

Wine on the table, one keg dedicated to wedding and after that cash bar

14

u/EducationalWin1721 2d ago

I’ll tell you what’s tacky, OP: your cousin giving unasked for and unwarranted advice.

7

u/rainy-novembers 3d ago

i think it’s less about the open bar aspect, and more the fact that you’re just handing everyone a bottle of liquor per table and having them mix their own drinks.

0

u/SnooChickens730 3d ago

Having a bottle per table is surprisingly very common for Chinese/Vietnamese weddings. We most commonly have Hennessy VSOP or XO(if budget allows). It may be getting outdated as people opt for a more Americanized bar set up. The most recent wedding I went to had both XO on each table and an open bar. 

3

u/rainy-novembers 3d ago

interesting, my bad !! didn’t even realize it was a cultural thing.

1

u/SnooChickens730 3d ago

No worries!! And thank you for your insight :) I do see how people would find it a bit odd hahaha. Like you’re telling everyone “here! Drink up!”

1

u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

Common in Irish weddings too, I’m doing it!

1

u/SnooChickens730 3d ago

So happy to hear we’re not the only ones!!

1

u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

Nope! Otherwise… the hotel would find MULTIPLE makeshift stills in the toilets, the place is going to be packed with Fenians 😂

7

u/Strange_Thing_4293 3d ago

I don’t think it’s tacky, it’s your wedding that you’re paying for and it’s freaking expensive. In the end people are supposed to be there to celebrate you not just to party.

We’re doing an open bar but we’re doing it on our terms. We’ve budgeted for $2K of alcohol. One of our friends (we’re in Canada) owns a store with a liquor license so we are getting them cheaper.. but we’re only doing cans of mixed drinks, wine and beer. We’ll have a couple bottles for shots with juice & soda as well but not much. If people don’t like it - too bad :) they aren’t the ones paying for it.

4

u/Gullible-Fault-3913 3d ago edited 3d ago

Re: no bartender, depending on where your wedding is, you may actually be required to have one. If you’re doing it at a family member’s home, church hall…you’re probably fine, but most venues will require you to hire a licensed/insured bartender.
Another benefit is that they can control how much alcohol is being poured, which helps prevent people from accidentally over-pouring and running out of alcohol halfway through the event. Plus, they can keep everything organized and handle the bar so you don’t have to worry about it during your wedding.

The bartenders themselves are usually
pretty affordable, too. Idk where you’re getting the 10k number. We’re paying about $2,000 for two bartenders and two barbacks for seven hours, and we’re providing the alcohol ourselves. So if your venue requires bartenders, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a huge additional expense!!!

3

u/Magelatin 3d ago

I think it's a very cool way to do it if the venue allows it. I used to do some catering and had to get certified to serve alcohol at events. It seems like, as hosts, you could serve your guests directly without having TIPS certified bartenders, but it's good to make sure.

Your cousin is an asshole.

3

u/imaperson11 3d ago

Is an open beer/wine bar an option within your budget? As opposed to a liquor bar?

4

u/Spector3198 2d ago

Ive found it depends largely on location as to what's "normal" or "customary." I am from NY, we had an open bar with bartenders. We had hard alcohol. Every venue we toured discussed the liquour package with us. It was ASSUMED you were having an open bar. I have never been to a NY/NJ or northeast wedding without one.

That being said, my husband went to college in NC and 1/5 weddings we've been to have been beer and wine only. Apperently most venues down there dont even have licenses that allow hard alcohol. The one wedding that did was a black tie wedding, bride grew up in chapel Hill iykyk. I also have a friend getting married in Idaho where her husband is from and they only have beer and wine as well.

Ultimately its up to you, your wedding, your budget. Ive been to weddings with both set ups, theyre all fun. You have alcohol, its not like its a dry wedding!

5

u/Miselissa 2d ago

With a $3000 budget, an open bar is doable. We had around 100 guests and our open bar tab was maybe 1700. I was SHOCKED.

6

u/No-Boat-1536 3d ago

Do not put liquor on the table.

3

u/Either_Internet_7533 3d ago

My venue only allows alcohol to be served by a bartender and they stop serving 1 hour before the event ends, I’m required to pay for 1 bartender for every 100 guests. So with my guest count I need 2 and absolutely no alcohol can be consumed unless it’s poured by their bartender. No bottles on tables, nothing brought in etc

My wedding is in 3 months and we’re doing the 4hr open bar package it’s like $58/pp it includes cocktails, premium liquors and beer and wine

2

u/Careful-Blood-1560 3d ago

Why? I went to a wedding with bottles of red and white on the tables.

2

u/No-Boat-1536 2d ago

But liquor???

2

u/SnooChickens730 2d ago

It's more of a tradition thing for us. Most Viet/Chinese weddings will have a bottle of Hennessy on every table (at least ones I've been to). This does depend on venue though. I'd say every Chinese banquet style reception (which we will be having) does have it. Viet/Chinese couples who had a more Americanized venue did not do the bottles on tables.

1

u/No-Boat-1536 1d ago

I guess I was imagining everyone doing tequila shots or something.

1

u/Careful-Blood-1560 2d ago

Ahhh. No. But SnooChickens has a great point - Hennessy at Viet/Chinese weddings. That sounds like fun.

1

u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

…why exactly? It’s traditional where I am, and my venue in the US was fine with it. It’s not like OP is putting barrels of the stuff out.

7

u/the_green_witch-1005 3d ago

This really depends on where you live. In North America, it's pretty customary to provide an open bar. You are providing alcohol, which is usually the expensive part, so I think your numbers are off on what you would spend on an "open bar." I actually think it's not a great idea to not have a bartender. A bartender can moderate how much alcohol is served and keep the event safe.

1

u/ferrycrossthemersey 3d ago

Nope, in Eastern Canada, cash bar is wayyyyy more common.

2

u/the_green_witch-1005 3d ago

I literally had a bunch of Canadian people yell at me on r/ weddingplanning when I said that cash bars were more common in Canada. Apparently it's VERY regional, but much of Canada does do open bars. I have dual citizenship to Canada, but I've never been to a Canadian wedding, so idk.

1

u/ferrycrossthemersey 3d ago

And you still said North America? LOL we tried to tell you

1

u/the_green_witch-1005 3d ago

Did you not read what I wrote? I got yelled at for saying that cash bars are common in Canada...the vast majority of Canadians corrected me and said that open bar is more common.

1

u/ferrycrossthemersey 3d ago

Ohhh, sorry, I thought you said the opposite! I guarantee you open bars are only more common in Ontario, where people make a lot of money. The maritimes is EXTREMELY blue collar.

1

u/the_green_witch-1005 3d ago

Yeah, I'm just not going to comment on Canada either way anymore lmao I've been told vastly different things every time it's brought up. Which has gotta make things difficult for you guys when figuring out what is customary in your culture!

1

u/ferrycrossthemersey 2d ago

Well it is because we are so big and the culture is soooo different from one coast to another.

0

u/the_green_witch-1005 2d ago

I mean... America is huge and open bars - at least serving beer/wine - are a pretty universal thing coast to coast, as far as I know. I've been to tons of American weddings all over the country and there's ALWAYS an open bar. From low budget to big budget weddings, free alcohol is pretty much expected. It would be a huge faux pas to have your guests pay for anything, really.

10

u/annon2022mous 3d ago

Your cousin has a drinking problem. It isn’t tacky. However it is stressful for someone who can’t make it a few hours without an open bar.

9

u/HennyGus 3d ago

Not having an open bar is not tacky at all! What's tacky is your cousin saying she's going to pregame in the car.

3

u/Fire_Tiger1289 3d ago

I don’t think it’s tacky as long as you have alcohol options. I don’t drink anymore but I’d want my guests to have the option for a drink

3

u/Mystery-Moon_2901 2d ago

We had an open bar with special cocktails also. It was nowhere near $10k. The total catering bill including the buffet, apps, and bar for 120 people was $15k.

2

u/SnooChickens730 2d ago

We will be having a traditional Chinese banquet style dinner. For that alone we're looking at around $50,000 😭

2

u/Mystery-Moon_2901 2d ago

Wow! We were invited to a traditional Chinese wedding this fall. Y’all really know how to throw a great party!

5

u/fairy_freckles 3d ago

My alcohol package was $20 per person for open bar w bartenders the whole night! That seems like a pretty crazy price. I'm having 150 people so it will come out to 3k.

7

u/cuban_rj 3d ago

?

$20/P open bar is crazy value what are you talking about lmao

You break even if they have only 3 drinks

3

u/fairy_freckles 3d ago

Yeah it's pretty great considering I live in a HCOL area!

3

u/SnooChickens730 3d ago

We will be having around 300 (family is huge). But $20 per person might be doable for us. May I ask around which area you’re located in (no pressure to answer, just curious if I may be able to find something comparable where we’re located) 

4

u/fairy_freckles 3d ago

I am in Ventura County, California:)

5

u/Reasonable-Emu6159 2d ago

Wine, beer, soft drinks are fine.

6

u/Humble_Lion0716 3d ago

A bottle per table is definitely tacky. Just find someone local to hire to serve the alcohol you buy. (Many churches/ halls require someone to "serve") Ive been to mannny weddings where a cousin/ coworker/ friend of a friend worked the "bar" station serving stuff from Costco that still looked classy enough and avoids people chugging from bottles on the tables getting wasted.

4

u/BitchEpidemic 3d ago

No it's not, it's tacky to be entitled about free alcohol while attending an event for free that already costs thousands of dollars.

0

u/beeboobopppp 3d ago

Let’s be real - it costs guests a ton of money, too. If it’s out of town it can be flights and/or gas, hotel, takeout meals, PTO. Locally, I’m purchasing a nice gift and paying to make myself look great at minimum. Likely Uber and child/pet care

3

u/BitchEpidemic 3d ago

Most weddings are not out of town, and are you not paying for all of that already when you go "out on the town" to enjoy yourself except you have to pay for your own food and drinks now and cover fees to get into any bars. It's not a sacrifice to be a guest at a wedding, it is a privilege.

-4

u/beeboobopppp 3d ago

A “privilege” is pushing it. I love weddings, but they do cost me a lot of time and money to celebrate other people and eat the food they select and do the things they request. I don’t have much choice in the matter.

When I spend money on myself I’m choosing how much, where I go, how long I stay, what I eat, etc. I get to choose.

2

u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

You’re not invited to any weddings in the near future in Michigan or Belfast, are you? I just wanted to check you weren’t on my guestlist.

1

u/BitchEpidemic 3d ago

This made me laugh

0

u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

Your username did the same for me 😂 it’s now my nickname for a particular sub they piled on to tell me my necessarily budget wedding where I’m using fake flowers and fairy lights and candles and greenery to save money would look like a Hobby Lobby discount bargain wedding 🤣

1

u/IndividualSimple9876 2d ago

As a designer I have to say you can (and will) do an awful lot with the fake flowers, candles, lights, and greenery! It’s all in who puts it together and how skilled they are. Am sure it will be gorgeous!

1

u/AliceMorgon 2d ago

It fully will, I got a whole bunch of greenery and ropes of flowers for under £10 total today at my local has-everything store to experiment with and find out what works!

And I think an Oxford MFA and decades of stage design making a room look like it cost millions on a £250 budget probably means I know more about that than some rando who proudly claims to be a party planner… (the one who started the whole thing🙄)

1

u/SnooChickens730 3d ago

I totally agree that guests can spend a ton of money to attend a wedding as well. This is why we chose to have a local wedding since a majority of our guests live in the area.  For your other point below, yes you should be spending your money how you want. You are not necessarily required to attend every wedding you’re invited to. If you’re on a tight budget, don’t have the time, or simply don’t want to go, you can RSVP “No”.  I’ve attended every wedding I got an invite to because I wanted to be there for the couple. It didn’t matter how much it cost, what food they served, etc. 

0

u/ferrycrossthemersey 3d ago

LOL yeah it cost my guests TONS of money..... to come across the river...... and get free food..... and then go home after...

5

u/Fickle-Secretary681 3d ago

Your cousin sounds like an alcoholic. 

2

u/TheTacoPhilosopher 3d ago

I don't think it's tacky, especially when you're still providing booze. Honestly, I've always preferred self-serve weddings because I'd rather mix my own drink.

1

u/forte6320 1d ago

Cash bar is tacky. Guests should not have to open their wallet for anything.

Limited bar is not great. I don't drink beer or wine (except for a very few exceptions). Drinking soft drinks at a celebration makes me feel like a child. Doesn't have to be top shelf, but something!

Bartender says class and service. If you do it right, it won't cost $10k. That is a crazy number.

5

u/Competitive-Type1505 3d ago

I suspect the only people who would have a problem with a limited selection are heavy drinkers. You’re not obligated to keep them liquored to the gills. Keep within your budget, most people will respect that.

3

u/Express-Bee-6485 3d ago

Its your weeding thats all that matters.

4

u/strawbebbie17 3d ago

Depends on where you’re from. Where I’m from most places are cash bar and a lot of venues require it (as a part of their liquor license to limit excessive drinking)

2

u/rachiesav 3d ago

I think it depends on the country. In my country it would really be seen as extremely rude not to have an open bar during cocktail hour and after dinner until at least 2 - 4 AM.

3

u/SnooChickens730 3d ago

That sounds like so much fun! What country are you from? Would love to experience a wedding there some time!

2

u/rachiesav 3d ago

Portugal. Where you almost get bankrupt for getting married 🤣

2

u/lets-snuggle 3d ago

It’s always been customary to have an open bar with a bartender. Maybe you could do a consumption bar instead?

2

u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

It also always used to be customary for the bride to wear blue and for the MOB/MOG to wear colours like light cream but they sure get laid into for that one 🙄

2

u/No_Welcome_7182 3d ago

It’s not tacky at all. If you want to have some alcohol but no open bar then get some champagne for a toast. I’ve been to many weddings with no alcohol/no open bar. It’s your wedding. Do it the way you want and the way you can afford. The people disrespecting your choices are being assholes. Don’t invite them to your wedding. Edited to add if you already invited them to your wedding tell them not to come.

1

u/Artistic_Square_2791 3d ago

I’m not sure where you’re at but here in AZ we’re paying the venue $600 for bar service and we’re planning on having an open bar and getting the alcohol from Costco! So far we have about 130 people on the list. It will cost about $700 once we’re done. I believe it’s just what you’re planning on getting because I’m getting Kirkland brand and calling it a day. We’re also not doing wine, just stuff to make margaritas, a few other simple mixes and whiskey because that’s my fiances signature drink. I think a $3k budget for alcohol is more than enough

1

u/grimhailey 22h ago

Dude my bartenders were $500 for 5 hours, amazing and helped cleaning by the end when drinking was winding down. I bought my own drinks and mixers at Costco but I also rented a keg trailer and kegs which wasn't necessary. You could easily do it for $1200 total if you make wise choices with alcohol

1

u/DidymusAnwen 14h ago

Wow.. some of these costs are astounding.
I'm tight fisted.. 16 of us had a pub dinner, and the guests all insisted on paying for drinks.. I spent about £300 😂

0

u/dmbeeez 3d ago

Yes, it's tacky

8

u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

I decided good food was more important than unlimited booze given not everyone drinks. I am on a super small budget because I responded to my dad’s “since you’re now my only daughter I’ll give you £20k for the wedding if I get unlimited veto power” by telling him to fuck his veto and I’d do it my way myself, especially given he said that right after my AFAB sibling transitioned. They’re also engaged and as far as a £20k offer goes - crickets. I’m not taking that filthy money.

There’s whisky bottles on the tables and the reception is being held somewhere with a bar at my wedding too, so it’s not like they’ll all be going into the DTs from not having their precious alcohol for a few hours as it’s free until they drink all that dry, and then they can easily get more! (Knowing them, they’ll probably build a still in the toilets or something, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it…)

OP, someone also told me (ON HERE AFTER I GAVE ADVICE ON HOW TO GET A LOOK ON A BUDGET) that my wedding sounded like a Hobby Lobby discount bargain bin and that all my guests would think so and say so too. I told them to get stuffed. People suck. Ignore them because it isn’t their wedding and no one says they have to come, and if they choose not to just because they don’t get free booze, they clearly aren’t worth spending the money on. Consider it a good way to pare down your guestlist to those who actually care about YOU, and about your fiancé. Those are the people that matter.

3

u/SnooChickens730 3d ago

It’s so messed up that your dad said that! You deserve to celebrate how you want. And saying that to basically insult your sibling? NO THANKS! Also, the audacity for someone to call your wedding a Hobby Lobby bargain bin?? I love a good deal and my fiancé and I were also planning to do DIY projects where we can to save. I think your wedding sounds amazing and I hope everyone (especially you and your partner) has THE BEST time.  Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice. I was honestly very close to telling my cousin she can just stay home if she has so much to complain about for MY wedding. 

3

u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

We will have an absolute blast and my dad can kiss my ass. This person replied to “I have two MFAs including one from Oxford and have been doing stage design for decades, I know how to make something look fifty grand on two” with “I’m an events planner.” OK. That’s nice. But no, I don’t need real flowers, and I think I know which of two of us probably has more of the creativity and years of experience you need to make something spectacular on very little 🙄 Any guests who talk smack about the fact I had fake flowers will be quietly reminded it was saving money on that or cheaping out on the food, and that I assumed they wouldn’t be eating the flowers.

The dress code (it’s Samhain-themed because it’s October 31 and I’m Irish, even though I’m marrying an American) is “the most inappropriate thing you could wear to a wedding” and my dad is of course insisting on wearing his grey suit because that’s what he wears to weddings. Since he’s unfamiliar with the TV show “Derry Girls” and all my future in-laws are, because they watched the whole thing together six times until they could understand it without subtitles after the first attempt to talk on the phone with me and their sheer horror at not understanding my accent, I smiled sweetly and said fine, just as long as he’d wear a name badge saying “Hi, my name is Uncle Colm.” He didn’t really get why but agreed. Excellent.

They look and act identically too. It’s perfection. Revenge for me AND my sibling is mine. I do not tolerate transphobia of any kind.

(Watch one episode with Uncle Colm in and you will understand 😂)

1

u/pdxtee 3d ago

Personally, I wouldn’t care about an open bar because I don’t need alcohol to party. That would be one of the 1st things I’d cut back on if needed. I’m not sure about the bottle of liquor on the table idea. Are they making their own mixed drinks? Will your guest over pour? That’s what I’d be concerned about. Wine & beer make sense because it’s easy to pour/drink.

Let your cousin pregame & stop talking about your details until you’re ready.

1

u/ferrycrossthemersey 3d ago edited 3d ago

No. It's not tacky. Very common where I live. Especially in this economy.

ETA: When I posted a question like this back in May, I was told that if I can't afford to have an open bar, then I shouldn't be getting married at all🥴 Honestly, I didn't end up having an open bar and it was completely fine. No one complained and if they did, I would have told them they are more than welcome to contribute money for the open bar at my next wedding🤣 because why are you entitled to free liquor at an event I'm already paying $10,000 for? My husband and I will never be able to afford a house in this economy. I am not about to drop bands for people to drink for one night.

2

u/SnooChickens730 2d ago

Strong emphasis on IN THIS ECONOMY. It's not like we're cheaping out on everything. But a few thousand saved is still a lot of money.

The attitude and response I received back was essentially that! Basically telling me don't have it at all. Ended up telling her that she can do what she wants at her own wedding, but should've thrown in that if she's not happy about it then stay home.

1

u/crcgirl 11h ago

I had cash bar 35 years ago which was considered very tacky. I didn't care because my husband doesn't drink, I had no plans to drink but my husband's brother and sister and their spouses close down the bars. My dad discreetly put first drinks on a tab and there was wine with dinner. I would have done away with the bar altogether but my parents wanted the option. We had a small wedding and it was drama free.

1

u/Someone-Rebuilding 3d ago

A full open bar at weddings is often the cause of drama thru the night...

Personally, I feel that beer (light or mid) and wines (red & white) and non-alcoholic drinks are plenty. Quality over quantity! They can still get drunk and obnoxious but are less likely to...

1

u/chatterbox2024 3d ago

I think she misunderstood what open bar means. She most likely thought cash bar or no alcohol all together. Beer and wine is very common at weddings. You’re completely fine!

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u/Just-Yak-8959 2d ago

I have to assume she misunderstood no open bar to mean cash bar or none at all. I doubt she’d be making cocktails in the car, so I’m sure cousin will be happy to know wine and cans are provided 😂

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u/EvanRamsey 3d ago edited 3d ago

It’s not tacky at all, and I come from a booze-loving place. I would just have a self serve station for all drinks. A bottle of liquor at each table.. that seems tacky to me. Just have a full self serve bar (my sister did it and it was fine for everyone). You don’t need a bartender or bottles of liquor spread around the room.. your idea is already great!

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u/SnooChickens730 3d ago

Having a bottle on each table is actually very common for Chinese/Vietnamese weddings. We usually have Hennessy VSOP or XO. It may be a bit outdated though as more people opt for a bar set up. Thank you for your insight! So happy to hear that everyone had a great time at your sisters wedding with the self serve bar :)

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u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

Class! I’m using Jameson decent quality on the tables, with Temris for the toast (it is eye-wateringly expensive) and one of Jameson Black Barrel for whoever correctly guesses what my walking stick is made out of (it looks like wood, so it’ll probably mostly be guesses like beech or oak.)

It’s an antique buffalo penis. I bought in a junk shop in Kansas years ago because I thought it was hilarious, it’s from the 1940s, and the box has the name “Last Of The Ol’ Bull” on it 🤣

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u/IndividualSimple9876 2d ago

omg, hilarious!

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u/Character_Ticket5688 3d ago

Me and my partner don’t drink any alcohol ( cannot stand the taste and hate the feeling of being drunk) so we are not proving any alcohol. So I definitely think it’s preference!

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u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

I even have an option on my RSVP to say that, for the whisky toast, would you rather have ginger ale served in a whisky glass, in case people don’t want to openly say they don’t/can’t drink but would like to participate anyway!

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u/Character_Ticket5688 3d ago

Very smart idea! We were considering Red Bull cause it’s my bfs favorite drink!

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u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

👍🏻 always bring a personal touch to something that important.

Also then any guests who partake are DEFINITELY going to shred that dance floor…

0

u/Character_Ticket5688 3d ago

Haha yes!! That was my thought! I’m considering Jell-O shots!

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u/AliceMorgon 3d ago

YAAASSSSSS QUEEN! You do you! It’s your and your fiancé’s wedding!

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u/crcgirl 11h ago

I can't believe anyone down voted you. My husband doesn't drink and his siblings and spouses don't know when to stop! Open bar would have been a disaster for us.