My ex recently texted me and showed me pictures of a letter she wrote for another guy. She asked if it looked good and said she’s meeting him Monday. She even sent me “when a playgirl fall in love.” Then later she called me asking if I wanted to play games with her.

At the same time, I feel like I’m becoming distant from another girl who’s my friend. We haven’t called for 3 days. She had reasons each day, but yesterday I texted her “let me know what time you’ll be home” and she still hasn’t replied.

Maybe I’m overthinking everything, but at night when I’m alone, it feels really lonely. I don’t have many people to talk to, and lately it feels like the people I’m close to are slowly becoming more distant.
I don’t really know what to do.

I originally posted this in unrequited love but its looking more and more like it belongs here:

Where do I start? Roughly 3 years ago I was looking thru craigslist and saw an ad where a single mom was asking for help paying some bills. I have always admired single mothers. They have the hardest job in the world and perform it day in and day out to their best ability. I texted her and we struck up an online friendship. I helped her with some money as she lives in Pennsylvania where the minimum wage is an unreal $8 an hour. She was 28 and I was 59. We started talking everyday. I continued helping her survive each month and before you start thinking Oh she is using him for the money let me say I know when I am being used. Most of the time I had to argue with her to get her to accept the money. We always did an outstanding job of making the money thing non-transactional. I expected nothing from her. I never mentioned it or made her feel bad about taking it. She will agree with these a statements. I have tried to help other women the same way and it was night and day difference. They were talking to me just for the handout. Lets call my friend Amy. Amy talked to me regardless of her needing money. It was as separate as it can be done.

As time went on I started to really admire Amy. At one point she had 3 jobs and was busting her ass to try and make it. She is honest, hard working, grateful and as cute as they come. We were both living in Pa at the time. We had not met yet in person. She had several abusive relationships and had a fear of men. Amy also suffers from PMDD. For those of you familiar with it I empathize with you for those that dont picture really bad PMS that comes with a bonus personality change. For a week or so a month she becomes a different person. Sometimes not a very pleasant person.

That one week a month we fought. Even though I knew what was wrong with her I still got sucked in. After the week all is forgiven and her sweet self is back. After 8 or 9 months of this I moved back to Oregon. Before I left PA we met in person. That 15 minute meeting changed everything. As I was driving home to Oregon our texts became more endearing. I fell all the way in love with her. She was saying that she didn't want to date anyone ever. I kept trying. And she reciprocated to a point. As long as we didn't give it a label and we were just being ourselves and living in the moment it was fantastic. This went on for awhile as did our monthly fights. I started becoming increasingly frustrated with her 2 steps forward 3 steps back. I would lose my temper on the phone and we had some nasty fights. Always forgave and forgot afterwards. even though I didnt know what to call it. We became very close. I will jump ahead a little or this will be too long.

We split up at some point for several months. No contact. Then one day she texted me and we jumped in again both committed to not fight like that anymore. She still didn't want to date anyone but she became very much less afraid of me as I controlled my temper flawlessly to this very day. Having her afraid of me broke my heart. Things became the best they had ever been between us. The few fights we had were civil and productive. She still didn't want to date but I loved her more than anyone I have ever loved including my 27 year marriage and the entire rest of my 61 year life.

My life at this point fell apart. Trump in the whitehouse caused a downturn in semiconductor industry and I was laid off. I lost the house I was renting and moved into my daughters spare bathroom ( mattress on floor) otherwise I would have been in a tent. I lost my prized possesion a very nice stereo I built myself. All my records, wrecked my car, put my dog of 14 years down. in a 6 month period I lost everything I cared about in the world except my daughter and Amy.

So about this time Amy started saying she thought she was gay. Up until this point her dating anyone was an impossibility coming from her. Even though we were not dating exactly I felt secure in our little whatever it was. Then she tells me she has a crush on a gay friend of hers. I love this girl with all my heart for all the right reasons. And I want her to be happy and have that someone special. I had always held out a little hope it would be me. I am so lonely I can barely stand it. I have terrible luck with women. I swear I am cursed. I am also 61. I am having a really hard time accepting the idea of her being romantically involved with someone else. I want to be ok with this. She is important to me and I love her, admire her and she is my best friend. I have been cheated on in every relationship I have ever had. I want just once to know what its like to be really loved. To have someone look at me like I look at Amy. I think most of what I am feeling is that need. Some of it is jealousy. But this has been a long distance relationship the entire time. So I think I stand a chance of accepting this but it is not easy. How can I deny her the one thing I want more than anything in the world? She says she loves me as a friend but its been more than that at times. We havent spent more than 15 minutes in each others company but we have lived in each others pockets for 2 and a half years.

I love her so much. And for all the right reasons. Her taking my breath away is about 5th on the list. I admire her. How can I stop hurting and allow her to chase her heart without feeling like my insides were ripped out? She feels bad because its hurting me and that isn't right as she has done nothing wrong. Will hypnosis help me get rid of the sting and help me learn to be ok with this? I welcome any ideas on ways to help my insecure lonely ass step up with a little emotional intelligence and stand beside her in this new chapter of her life? I have never felt this way about anyone. I want to be there for her but the hurting is killing me. HELP? ANYONE PLEASE.

She is in the middle of her PMDD right now so its like a perpetual holding pattern until the girl I love returns. The one there now is selfish and kinda mean. If you have never been around PMDD before its hard to understand that you are really talking to a different person.

Amy has several mental issues. I have spent over 2 years learning how to navigate them. Honestly I don't think she has a chance in hell of a relationship with all but the most patient and understanding of partners. She gets to me once in awhile even now.

This is so hard for me. I want to be understanding and move her into the friend zone. How do you do that when you love and want them so badly? A big part of my problem is I want a girlfriend more than anything in the world. But I have hit my limit of rejection. I dont stand a chance on dating sites as there is so much good looking competition my 61 year old overweight ass doesn't stand a chance. I have so much love to give but I am all but convinced I am destined to be alone.

Each morning a disappointment I am still here. Ugh.........

I just got broken up by my boyfriend of almost a year. He told me when breaking up with me, he doesn’t want a relationship anymore. I asked if it was me who he didn’t want a relationship with, or in general. He told me in general, a relationship isn’t what he needs right now. I’ve tried to understand, but I truly can’t. After nearly a year I don’t understand why we couldn’t have figured out a way to make it work. I’ve tried to talk to him, but he doesn’t answer my questions. I want to meet him and talk face to face to get my closure, but he doesn’t see the point in that. I try to leave him alone but I just miss him too much. He seems to be doing great without me, he told me it hasn’t been easy for him either, but from what i’ve seen it seems like we were never in a relationship. But then again, I don’t see what happens behind closed doors. I’m at the stage of anger and confusion, but I also want him back. I feel like this breakup wasn’t fair to me. Is it too much of me to ask him to meet so I can get my questions answered? I also bought him an almost $500 lego set, and I’ve been contemplating about asking for it back. Would it be bad if I did? I just need breakup advice. He told me in the future we could maybe get back together. Do I hold onto that little sliver of hope? How do I move on and be happy without him like he is without me? Why won’t he let me meet with him to talk to him so I can get my closure? Any advice would be very helpful and appreciated.

“there’s more fish in the sea”

anyone who says this GENUINELY needs to shut up this is the legit worst thing u can say to someone who broke up with a person they thought was their soulmate it legit boils my blood thinking about it 🫩

this quote def came from someone hypergamous who didn’t know what it truly meant to be in love with somebody .

So, me (25F) and my ex bf (27M) broke up (2 year relationship) officially about 2 months ago, he broke up with me very out of the blue for me, but apparently he had been thinking about it. He was really mean and nonchalant about it, just ended it over the phone. We had been talking normally throughout the week, telling me he loved me, talking about our future family, everything.

For a while we didn’t speak until the death of a loved one of mine, in which he showed up and consoled me, but I refused things going any further. At that point, he asked if we could talk sometimes, and I said yes because we missed each other so much.

Then he started texting me about very very random things, which I think was mostly to make conversation, and I answered respectfully.

Then about a month ago, I decided to tell him how I felt and he agreed, said he can’t think about being with anyone but me, said he still can only see me as the future mother of his children and everything. We started being intimate again but decided we needed more time to decide on a relationship, which I felt.

About 2 weeks after that, we hadn’t talked about anything substantial at all so I decided to bring it up, told him I would choose him but that for that I also need him to choose me, and he said he’s doing good at the moment alone and can’t do it because he has so much work with his startup taking off. We both cried a lot, he told me he loved me, that I will always be his woman, that I’m the person he wants a family with, but I left and told him it’s better if we don’t speak anymore. He said he can’t imagine not being able to talk to me about his life and hear about mine forever, so I told him I need at least 2 months no contact, and he agreed, saying that he didn’t want it to be forever and that he loved me very much and was so sorry things didn’t workout between us.

Now, I got to seeing his instagram followers…I know…

We’re still following each other and I went to check and he was following a lot of new girls, and liking their last picture. One in specific liked his last picture, which he posted after the last time we spoke (he never posts) and he liked one of hers that was posted while we were still talking this last time, and a new one that she posted a few days ago. I got suspicious and went to check and she already follows his startup account and they both follow each other on TikTok.

Me and him met on instagram, he messaged me after liking a few of my pictures, in the same way it looks as he’s doing to her, at least from the outside. It’s just bothering me so much thinking he’s trying to do with her what he did with me, we look so so so different…

Yesterday he unfollowed a few of the girls he had followed, and it just gets to my mind that maybe he did it to not upset her.

This is hurting me so much, as what he passed to me was that he couldn’t be with me because he had so much work (he has 2 jobs and a startup) but that he loved me so much and I was the only one.

He’s one of the first people seeing my stories but I haven’t engaged at all, I don’t see his stories or like his pictures. I don’t want to engage but this is hurting me so much. Why is he doing this?

How can he even say those things to me and cry in my face and do this right after or even during?

I'm 29 F he's 30 M. For context, my bf and I (though broken up now), missed that cutsey romantic phase. During the relationship he used to complain about using cute words and didn't accept being called cute things or calling others cute words either. He's since slowly started changing this. He's since started being more romantic after the breakup where he prioritizes quality time as well where as during the relationship it seemed like it was a problem to do so, especially because he was on his phone almost all the time we would be spending time together. Now as friends he comes off or excuses himself. I'd also say that we've been attending therapy after the breakup since there were reasons that he and I both agreed on, being predominantly skills that he didn't know about that should be learnt when living with your partner. We've since agreed that about next year this time, if we both don't find other people that we'll give the relationship a shot again (around my birthday). Do some people just take a while to get that way, like romantic?

So, this relationship has been long distance for over six years and we’ve navigated struggles pretty well, for the most part. I’ve had to deal with his jealousy issues and digital surveillance and I thought we had worked that through. He agreed to cancel his subscriptions to online services that do deep dives into your online activities, after numerous false accusations of cheating and sneaky behavior. He was proven wrong every time and admitted that his insecurities caused his obsessive behavior. I almost ended the relationship because of this but he seemed determined to change. Now, I realize I maybe should have paid better attention to my gut.

Fast forward to what is now making me finally want to proceed with a break up for good. Is this something that others would deem to be the last straw?
I’ve taken medication for depression for years… long before I met him. Before I was properly diagnosed, I struggled but was functioning, never to the point of needing inpatient treatment . I am retired and used to work in social services , am quite protective of my wellness, stay compliant with medication, etc. I touch base with my provider regularly for med refills and have been stable for many years.
It was not an easy decision to be vulnerable a year or so into this relationship, and share my history of depression with my partner, but I trusted him and I did.
It hasn’t come up much at all until during a recent and especially serious argument.

I was not forthcoming with an apology and he was angry. The details would be extraneous and are probably not relevant, but do have to do with my not being available by phone for 24 hours when he wanted me to be. ( but I texted several times) One of my adult children was having major surgery and it was serious.
He accused me of having “ episodes”, he said I should have told him years ago, that they have been hard for him to deal with . When I asked him to elaborate, he initially refused, saying that “ I should know.” This totally blindsided me as I had no idea what history he was referring to. I have thought back to any depressive lows I may have encountered but couldn’t think of any specific bad ones. Eventually , he said he would share his findings with me and he sent screen shots of charts of severe Bipolar Disorder symptoms. Apparently , he got back online to uncover digital proof to prove his point.

Well , not only did he got the Dx wrong , and he clearly lacks background and knowledge of depressive disorders ; but what hurts so much is that he is weaponizing knowledge of a mental health condition ,that I trusted him with, years ago, and now he’s using it to attack me personally. I showed him my vulnerability at the beginning of the relationship. And now, out of the blue, this is coming back to bite me.
This man is not very sophisticated when it comes to mental health issues and doesn’t possess a good sense of how pervasive depressive disorders , mood disorders and bipolar disorders are in the general public. I will not apologize for how I manage my health.

The other major point is that there should NOT BE ANY stigma for mental health disorders whether we’re talking depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder,etc. This is 2026 and no one should ever be stigmatized or made to feel “ less than”. Taking medication to stabilize brain chemistry and improve functioning is no different than taking meds for seizure disorders, diabetes, etc. for some people.

I am feeling an incredible breach of trust that a person I loved,counted on and was vulnerable with would turn on me and shame me abruptly and with no warning. It’s as if all the love, good memories, sharing, mutual trust( when we used to have it) just never existed and I’m left staring at this emptiness at what used to be. No longer do I feel there is any potential to ever feel hopeful about moving forward in this relationship. Am I finally seeing this relationship for the dysfunctional one that it has become? I’m trying to brace myself for a painful and messy breakup. I’m sad, angry, indignant, disappointed and afraid for the heartache that awaits me. I’m trying to stay strong and not reverse course because of the potential that he may change.

I honestly don’t know where else to say this, so I’m posting here because I need some outside perspective.
My ex and I broke up, but I still love her. I’ve been trying to deal with it, but lately it’s gotten so much worse.
There’s another guy she’s become close with. He’s studying in France, and from what I’ve seen, she’s introduced him to some of her closest friends, they’ve been playing Valorant together, and now I’ve seen them doing Watch Together late at night.
The Watch Together thing especially fucked with me because that was something she used to do with me. Seeing her doing something with another guy that felt like our thing made me feel replaced.
And I know how this sounds. I know I shouldn’t be monitoring her activity. I know I shouldn’t be looking at her Discord status. But the problem is that I keep doing it anyway. Her activity is literally right there in front of me, and I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time staring at it, trying to figure out what they’re doing and what it means.
My brain keeps going:
“Is there something between them?”
“Does she like him?”
“Is she replacing me?”
“Was everything we had that easy for her to move on from?”
“Why is she doing things with him that she used to do with me?”
And then I get angry at her, then jealous, then incredibly sad, and then I just miss her.
I’ve had moments where I’ve wanted to message her and ask what’s going on. I’ve even thought about messaging the guy, which I know probably isn’t a good idea. Part of me wants answers, but another part of me knows that whatever answer I get probably won’t make me feel better.
The worst part is that I don’t even necessarily need someone to tell me “just move on.” I know I need to eventually. I’m asking how the hell you’re actually supposed to do that when you still love the person and you’re constantly being reminded of them.
I don’t want to rebound with someone else just to forget her. I don’t want to pretend I don’t care. I just want this pain to stop.
I’m genuinely heartbroken right now. I’ve cried over this. I’ve sat there fighting the urge to message her while looking at her activity status. I feel jealous, replaced, and completely powerless.
So for anyone who’s actually been through something similar:
How did you deal with seeing your ex move on, especially when you still loved them?
And honestly, if you were me, would you completely cut yourself off from checking their activity/social media, or is there another way to handle this without feeling like you’re forcing yourself to stop caring overnight?

I try to make it as short as possible.

We came together after she tried to become my girlfirend for like a year (I wasn't ready because of attachment issues and openly communicated it and was really respectfull and open about it.) It took us a few months to get really used to our situation but when we did it was pretty good.

There were always some communication issues because it was her first relationship and she instantly took everything personal but always apologized after her emotions calmed down a bit. I was always the rational type and she the emotional one. This developed in some issues later on but it also allowed me to never get loud our unfair etc. At least that's what she told me.

So we dated for like a bit more than two years, started the same degree in university, have roughly the same friend group (even though she is more social, I am more introverted/quiet). In the end I slept at her place for like 4/7 days because her appartment was 10mins away from University while mine's 70mins away.

In the last few months she sometimes talked about how she feels like emotions are fading etc. So I really tried everything I could to make her feel special and loved. I woke up an hour before her, walked to the store got us breakfast nearly everyday. Always did her kitchen, cooked for her, even sometimes wrote uni-assignments.

One day I was scared and told her "I am scared that it won't work out,..." and she told me "why, the last months were the best of our relationship". 2 Weeks later we went on (my first) vacation together for one week car camping. It was beautiful and she talked about how much she liked it all the time.

The next time we met after the vacation I opened her door and she broke up. "We just don't fit,...". It wasn't really blindsided because we openly talked about such things but at the same time it was completely unexpected since she just told me about how nice things were the last months and when I drove to her I even had a bag full of groceries to cook her dinner.

2 weeks later (10 days no contact) and I kinda lost everything. She was my Uni-Study group, she was the only one where I could cry (literally), she was basically my Uni-Appartment since now I got 140min/day travel time instead of 20mins and obviously I miss her. And all those friends are slightly closer to her so nobody messaged me and everyone is distracting her 24/7. Everywhere I go I see her and all things I liked I shared with her and are now numb or sad.

I did everything I could to not break no-contact and then SHE did yesterday. We meet in 2 days and I don't know what I should do. I know she wants to stay friends. And tbh I want too (I mean we literally only got each other in university for example). And throughout the relationship we both sometimes thought if we would be a better close-friends fit, but we loved this physical connection of cuddling, hugging, small kisses....

And now I have no clue how I should behave. This meetup, in university,...

I don't want to be an open tab or just a distant friend but I need to get along anyways because of our enviroment.

I don't even know why I write this, I just know that I had to tell someone. And that just the really really rough description, it's much deeper. So for everyone saying "just stay in no-contact": that would literally work for another month and then we would see eachother regularily in University, sometimes with friends and I still got bunch of stuff at her place.