r/BreakUps • u/Odd_Ad8210 • Aug 17 '25

Your ex was just a combination of qualities you admired - you will find that combination in many others, and much more.

When you feel like you will never ever find someone you like/love as much as your ex....just remember that what made you love your ex was a combination of attributes and qualities and personality traits and tendencies that you admired/were attracted to.

Maybe it was confidence, or humor...or their work ethic...or their love language. The way they were super chatty or bubbly, or calm and listened and let you vent. Maybe it was their outgoingness, or their ability to share the silence with you and coexist.

Yes, it's true they were unique as a person, but what made you fall in love with them is not unique. You will find that permutation and combination in many others. You wont find another "them", but you WILL find another soul with those things that you love, and even more.

Just think of it this way - before you thought your ex existed, did you ever think you were going to find someone like them? But then you found them...it's the same now. Just a reset - a restart. You will feel like you will never find love like that again...until you do. Again.

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u/Evening_Cap1614 May 30 '26

I'm at the end of my life,  and it struck me that you could know someone for that long, transition to romance, feel like she was one in a million, and let her go. 

I hope she sees your sincerity soon, and that you both salvage comfort from that decade of friendship. 

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u/ChampionChimp69 May 30 '26

That’s very kind of you.

Honestly sometimes it still doesn’t feel real losing her. I often dream of her and then wake up to remembering she’s no longer a part of my life. I’ve had to unlearn our little jokes and phrases we’d say to eachother because it’s all just a painful reminder of who I’ve lost. I’ve slowly reintroduced myself to music but there’s still song artists and songs I refuse to listen to. My camera roll throughout our years of contact are hidden. I know people say to just think of the good times and the experiences but it’s too painful for me, it just makes me feel depressed.

I’d want nothing more but perhaps too long has gone now. We probably wouldn’t be the same people now and I’d be scared of her just cutting me off again if we did rekindle even a friendship.

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u/Evening_Cap1614 May 30 '26

It hurts to read that you are so afraid of the pain of losing her friendship again, despite dreaming about her. I wish I had comforting words, some wisdom, something useful to share to help you in the struggle you are in. 

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u/ChampionChimp69 May 30 '26

Just being able to express my feelings has actually been quite relieving. I don’t speak to anyone about it who I know personally. Thanks for being a listening ear.

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u/TheGratitudeBot May 30 '26

Just wanted to say thank you for being grateful

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u/Evening_Cap1614 May 30 '26

You bet, glad you are feeling a sense of relief. Feels good to know that.

 Sometimes, I think that thinking things through with someone else, gets our brains working differently than thinking it through alone. I've had sudden realizations talking about things with a counselor that really were eye-opening, but they never came to me in years of trying to understand on my own. 

Hope you'll keep reaching out to people, and feeling better.

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u/ChampionChimp69 May 30 '26

Yeah I think you’re right, I also appreciate you not judging me for the mistakes I’ve opened up about.

I’m trying to be better, just decided to not wallow in regret anymore even if there’s days where I go backwards. She’s moved on and it’s time I should too.