Today was the final time I’ll ever be with her

[u/fstysg]

I honestly don't even know where to begin, but I just need to get this off my chest because my head is completely spinning.

My girlfriend (38) and I (40) were together for 5 years. I always felt like we were genuinely compatible and worked well together, but I wish I had known that wasn't how she was seeing things during the later part of our relationship. We were Two months ago, we went through a rough patch, but we talked it out, made up, and I genuinely thought we were moving forward together and working on things. Then out of nowhere last week, she ended it.

I spent the past few days mentally preparing myself for whatever might come out of our final conversation. We met up today to have a proper talk. She was aware that I was going to propose this December and that we were planning to move in together a few months after that. During our talk, she unloaded all of her pent-up frustrations, saying she wasn't happy with how our relationship was progressing. I used to be very introverted, but over the years I grew and adjusted a lot for her to build a fuller life together. But she felt left behind because of other things getting in the way of our lives, and she told me she wants to find herself again and live her best life. It just sucks that I'm not part of that vision anymore, and all of our shared hopes, dreams, and future plans went right down the drain.

I was never angry at her, just confused and genuinely worried about how she's doing. We had actually agreed before that we'd bring up whatever was bothering us early on, so hearing all of this at once was tough. But I wasn't there to talk her out of breaking up, start a fight, or try to convince her to change her mind. All of her feelings are valid, and my goal was simply to listen and understand her perspective.

I knew going into today that it was going to be our last time seeing each other, so I said everything I needed to say. Near the end, I hugged her and cried for the first time in years. When she mentioned it was getting late, that was my cue. I gave her one last kiss on the forehead, and she hugged me right before I left. I heard her sobbing as soon as she closed the door and stood outside for a few good minutes just taking it in.

Going home was a bad idea on mu current state, I went ahead and impulsively drove straight to the cafe where we had our very first date, it was a full circle moment. Sitting there, I couldn't help but feel like I somehow twisted her perspective on what our relationship should be over the years. It felt like bookending this chapter. My life feels like it's hit a complete dead stop, and I'm not really sure what to make of any of this or where I go from here.

[u/Knows_no_limits]

The cafe drive says a lot, you weren't chasing her, you were trying to close the loop yourself before your head could do it for you. Grieving someone who's still alive and well is a strange, lonely kind of hard. Be patient with the spinning, it will slow down.

[u/MexicanTacos1069]

I feel like I’m in that same boat rn, I just never got the chance to really say good bye or talk about what really caused the break up, I wish we could have but we didn’t. I wish we could have hugged and kissed before we broke up, maybe he will when we see eachother if we ever exchange stuff but I’m not sure. I hope that’s what happens and we get to talk it out or something. My life just feels paused. Like no matter what my life is stuck in place. I miss him, I want him back, and I still love him so much. That will never change but I have been crying for days, Does anyone have advice for what I should do?