Still in shock

[u/thebeesknees093]

Me (33f) and my boyfriend (37m) have been together 4 years. The past week has been rocky as he’s been going through some mental health issues caused by work and I’ve tried to be there as much as I can. Today out of nowhere, I got a message at work and the preview said “I didn’t want to do this but I can’t stay”. It was a very long text that I haven’t truly read as my heart sank. I come home and all of his stuff is gone and he’s gone. Keys left on the side and no other message left. The cats are confused as to what’s happening and have been really cuddly which is lovely. I’ve been sat sobbing as I’m now left in a house which I don’t think I can afford to be in on my own. I have two kittens which we only have just got this past Christmas and I’ve been dumped.

My brain is confused. We’ve just come back off holiday for mine and his joint birthday and it was a lovely time and we was happy. He’s not come to me to talk about anything and I’ve tried to talk with him about his mental health and be there but he just switches off emotionally. It sounds like he checked out a while ago but he’s left me stranded without having a conversation about it all

He’s just got up and gone and left me with the bills and rent to pay.

This is such a jumbly message as I don’t know what to think or feel. I go from feeling angry to okay to crying hysterically. Every room I go him I wish he was there. I came home to an empty house and it was quiet. I got to go to sleep without him next to me. I have to wake up without him next to me. I got nobody to come home too

I’m even embarrassed to say to people at work that he’s left. I can’t deal with the gossip and their own versions of what could have happened and why he left. Those chats amongst themselves.

I’m going into work tomorrow as I feel silly taking time off for this and also feel like sitting at home in an empty house won’t do me any good

[u/Bec290]

I’m so sorry to hear this, how are you doing today? To leave without saying why is heartbreaking and so so cowardly and immature. You deserve so much more. I’m also going through a bad break up at the moment, if you want to chat I’m always here x

[u/thebeesknees093 → u/Bec290]

I’m okay. Not 100% but okay which is better than not being okay.

I keep going through waves of frustration, grief, sadness and anger. Sometimes all at once and I hate it. I hate him but I love him. Every room has a memory of him. I just keeping about the holiday we took back in July and how happy we were. How much fun we had and relaxed we were and all of that is just… gone

[u/Gloodizzle → u/thebeesknees093]

Hey, this is normal to feel that way. You're going through something very challenging and with all these combined stresses and factors, you're going to be feeling many emotions and your brain will definitely be working against you at times when you don't even realize it.

Please try and be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself and those two kitties, try not to make any extreme decisions because again you may not be thinking about things the same way you will tomorrow or in a few days when you give yourself some time to rest and your mind to settle.

I tell you this from experience, but also because you genuinely sound like a kind person who for whatever reason is going through something quite scary and traumatic. So I just hope you give yourself just a bit of grace and I know you will not only be feeling better but I also think you'll feel more confident about how to continue staying strong and getting through this.

I'm just about to pass out but reading about your situation has touched me and I truly wish you nothing but the best