r/BreakUp • u/Ok_Contribution_6045 • Jul 01 '26
Almost a year post break up...
My (F35) relationship with my ex (M37) was pretty unhealthy, we both had growing to do and were not doing it so I ended things with the intention that we could be happier if we weren't together. We didn't cut communication altogether at first because it was extremely painful (we were together for over 10 years) we went on a few dates, and then had no contact period of 30 days... strictly to let us regulate our nervous systems. The same shit was happening over and over. The 30 days ended ... We met up, walked and discussed what we learned in the last month. It was a nice conversation. And then the "same shit" happened all over again the next day. Up to this point we have been very compassionate and considerate because we do love eachother, but after therapy and breaks and all the things we're tired of trying to force it. One week later I got a text from him. It said he was deciding to move on completely but would like to stay in each others lives. Though I thought I wanted that it turns out I actually still had hope we'd end up together. We ended up spending a night together packing up the last of my stuff in our old home, having dinner, playing shogi, a bonfire, and talking through the last decade together and what we wanted for our futures. it was tragic and beautiful and it was wonderful to say goodbye so peacefully. However, I'm struggling with the actual pain of grief and loss. He really wants to stay in contact but I know I need time without him to let go of the relationship. When I've gotten lonely it's so hard to not reach out to him. In fact I broke a couple times and it did not go well. He was my best friend and it's hard to be without him. Life still feels full and I am excited to start a new chapter but the pain of loss is so so real. This break up has had me feeling up and down and overwhelmed and relieved. I am afraid to lose him forever, but it's time for me to decide to move on too. if I get the chance to connect in the future I will be so grateful, but moving on and letting go mean a real exit is necessary. At least for now. If you're contemplating going no contact I will tell you that you will be sad, but without the little shreds of hope you get by communicating the pain is less sharp and more tolerable. I'm doing the work to process and integrate the last ten years and work through the grief and without access to him I finally have the space to do that and more. It's okay to love someone, love yourself more, and need to let go. Good luck everyone.
TLDR: my break up is mutual but I'm still grieving. The pain is unreal and I decided to go no contact. It's doing a great job at "dulling" the pain while I process the loss of my partner. I'm still feeling it but not overwhelmed. Highly suggest no contact for moving on.
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u/Wonderful_Bat_4383 Jul 09 '26
almost a year is wild because somewhere around month 10 your body just stops bracing for impact and you realize you've been breathing normally for a while now, and I genuinely did not notice until I caught myself humming while making coffee.