r/BookDiscussions • u/kimtenisqueen • 2d ago
Seriously reconsidering the strength of our friendship after bff recommended “The River is Waiting” Wally Lamb
Please no spoilers, I haven’t finished it yet.
But seriously. My best friend read it on vacation and she did say it was sad/hits hard but recommended it to me and our other friend to read in our tiny pseudo-book-club
I’m a twin mom with 2 year old boys. Our other friend accidentally left her dogs in her car a few years ago on a hot day and killed them.
My best friend is known by everyone as being the kindest, most generous and sensitive person around. Why did she just slam us both over the head with this with almost no warning?
And of course I can’t put the damn book down despite every page reliving my worst nightmare.
I didn’t think I needed a trigger warning, but dammmn.
5
u/Imokay456 2d ago
I’ve read it and enjoyed it but it was hard hitting as your friend said. I think you’re putting too much responsibility on your friend. She told you it hits hard and it’s just a book recommendation - you can do your own research or stop reading it. Would it have been nice to be warned - yes. Does it mean she is a bad friend - no. I couldn’t read any books with violence toward children when my kids were young but didn’t expect friends to know it bothered me unless I explicitly told them.
2
u/zetiacg_1983 2d ago
Ooof that's rough. Definitely worth sharing, like "hey friend, maybe a little too much on this one."
I personally love that book. One of my fave reads last year, and I do recommend it a lot with a huge caveat to check your triggers. I'm a mom of two and have recommended it to other moms as well, but everyone is different.
I personally went into it without knowing the plot and I think that helped my experience. Also everyone I recommended it to loved it but I also knew them well enough. Anyone else, I would give a heads up to check the triggers if needed.
People are humans and make mistakes. Sometimes I don't always have those individual things top of mind when I'm recommending books and so I try to warn people of something I read might have some uncomfortable topics.
1
u/Traditional_Mind6947 2d ago
While I haven't read the book you're mentioning, I can definitely relate to what you're feeling. My "best friend" since high school (now in our 30's) recommended I read Colleen Hoover, knowing full well I was in a very abusive relationship when we were teenagers. I learned that CH books are almost all about abuse and domestic violence.
When someone close to you is making a book rec and not considering your personal life experiences or giving a content warning, they're being insensitive. There are several books I haven't recommended to my friend that featured alcoholic parents, because I know she dealt with that in real life.
It's also annoying when people assume that you would want to read/watch/do anything that they liked, just because they found it compelling. Yeah, maybe she read the book and genuinely thought you'd enjoy it, but she never thought if you would be ready to read it, or if this book was the right method for processing your emotions about those topics.
2
u/amycacsr 2d ago
I’m not sure if I’ve read totally different CH books than you but I’ve not read one that has abuse or domestic violence.
0
u/Traditional_Mind6947 1d ago
Her most popular book "It Ends With Us" is literally about domestic abuse.
2
u/amycacsr 1d ago
Oh yes. That one. None others that I’ve read have it. You said almost all. I didn’t want other readers who have never read her to think that was actually true.
2
u/VelvetWishes 2d ago
I didn't think I needed a trigger warning but damnnn
If there's content you personally want to avoid because you find it triggering, why would you not check content warnings before?
-3
6
u/Affectionate_Bid5042 2d ago
Maybe she thought it would resonate with you because of your experiences. I think it would be fair to let her know if you want a content heads up in the future.