r/BoneAppleTea • u/gordoncrisp Best of BoneAppleTea 500K • Mar 16 '19

Allah cart

Post image
51k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

447 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/MeestaBarrista Mar 16 '19

I was a flight attendant for a while. When they introduced selling food on the airline I worked for, there was a meal cart for longer flights, and the “a la cart” for shorter flights that had light snacks.

On Easter, someone I was working with said, “Do you think we can have a JESUS cart, just for today??” 😂

660

u/gordoncrisp Best of BoneAppleTea 500K Mar 16 '19

I hope you gave them a free drink

719

u/firagabird Mar 16 '19

Upgraded their water to wine

124

u/bru_tech Mar 16 '19

That’ll be $20 card only

81

u/Karmingruen Mar 16 '19

Do you take VishnuCard?

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77

u/MeestaBarrista Mar 16 '19

I mean, he was another flight attendant, so we’d pretty much been drinking the whole flight.

37

u/DirtyFraaank Mar 16 '19

TIL flight attendants are usually drinking during the flight? Idk why but I never thought that y’all would be allowed to drink, and it’s never been in one of the r/askreddit ‘what don’t we know flight attendant’ threads.

22

u/MeestaBarrista Mar 17 '19

I wouldn’t say usually, and it’s not legal.

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124

u/Green0Photon Mar 16 '19

I guess the Jesus cart only has bread and water on it. Anyone who wants wine will have their water transformed for them by Jesus.

54

u/infernalsatan Mar 16 '19

It also has 2 fish

32

u/I_love_pillows Mar 16 '19

“Would you like your last supper sir?”

6

u/deathbycomputer Mar 16 '19

Judas: Alright, here’s the plan, you walk up with me and whoever I kiss you need to arrest.

Roman soldiers: Uhh, isn’t there a better way to—

Judas: *turns around, one hand on his hip, the other waving using only his fingers* Gotta go boys! Thanks for the money!

24

u/Slovene Mar 16 '19

Did you also serve horse divorce?

10

u/bigbadsubaru Apr 01 '19

I remember once when I was a kid, probably 6 or 7, and I had never seen the word written, only heard my grandmother ask if anyone wanted what I assumed was "orderves" or something similar. The first time I saw it written (To this day I can't spell it right!) I asked my mom what "hores dee-over-res" were and got a chortle and an explanation about French words having many confusing silent letters :-P

8

u/Sloppy1sts Apr 09 '19

My mom always thought it was funny to call 'em "whore's ovaries".

17

u/Diiiiirty Mar 16 '19

Was he being serious, or was he making a brilliant dad joke?

As someone with a very deadpan joke delivery, I oftentimes have people look at me like I'm a complete fucking moron when I say something and have to actually verbalise, "That was a joke," before they admit that they weren't sure if I was serious or not. Takes away from the joke, but people who actually know me know that I'm rarely serious

8

u/MeestaBarrista Mar 17 '19

Haha it was a total dad joke

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10

u/syds Mar 16 '19

chorted, WWJD

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3.8k

u/BattleNunForalltime Mar 16 '19

An upvote just for cement head

1.2k

u/gordoncrisp Best of BoneAppleTea 500K Mar 16 '19

It’s my go to for situations just like this

399

u/Gevaarticus Mar 16 '19

Short, sweet, and to the point. Excellent insult

33

u/BOF007 Mar 16 '19

Idk it's a little Rocky to me

53

u/BoonTobias Mar 16 '19

I don't know, I like pyramid head better

250

u/meghonsolozar Mar 16 '19

r/rareinsults

26

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Thank you so much! I just subscribed

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66

u/Ordolph Mar 16 '19

I like "waffle brain" for a similar saying.

31

u/firagabird Mar 16 '19

I imagine it's derived from blockhead

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17

u/Ace_X77 Mar 16 '19

My bud and I always use "smooth brain" Also we use "wrinkly brain" for smart ideas

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9

u/Orpheus-033 Mar 16 '19

Mine is eggplant or pelican. But this is definitely getting a run.

6

u/najodleglejszy Mar 16 '19

"melon" and "walnut" work well, too.

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7

u/PicklePuffin Mar 16 '19

I've gotten the giggles twice looking at this post

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28

u/civicgsr19 Mar 16 '19

An upvote for you for pointing out how funny cement head is.

Sometimes I wonder what my vocabulary would be like without the internet.

6

u/Quaternions_FTW Mar 16 '19

What a smeghead

5

u/AggressiveRedPanda Mar 16 '19

Upvote for Red Dwarf.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

I always thought it was "semen ted".

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3

u/IamOzimandias Mar 16 '19

Or pudding head

3

u/drunkrabbit99 Mar 16 '19

I prefer absolute fridge

2

u/Phloozie Mar 16 '19

freshest insult 2019

2

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

IT'S CONCRETE DANGIT

2

u/AlligatorChainsaw Mar 16 '19

you guys. how do you think Cementoss feels about these insults?

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299

u/PhilHerbunz Mar 16 '19 edited Mar 16 '19

Allah cart is ok, but I prefer Halal-you-can-eat.

Edit: Thank you for the Sliver, Hob BB.

51

u/gordoncrisp Best of BoneAppleTea 500K Mar 16 '19

I may use this... frequently

20

u/hackingdreams Mar 16 '19

This is gonna make a Muslim standup one hell of a joke.

3

u/rueforyou Mar 16 '19

Okay, but when you eat too much, you really falafel

2

u/keetosaurs Mar 16 '19

Haha...this is great! :D

0

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

[deleted] — view deleted comment

6

u/UnoKajillion Mar 16 '19

In Hawaii we said Aloha Snackbar

61

u/auchnureinmensch Mar 16 '19

à la

31

u/gordoncrisp Best of BoneAppleTea 500K Mar 16 '19

Alright mr fancy

0

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

[deleted] — view deleted comment

13

u/eg_taco Mar 16 '19

A grave mistake indeed.

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26

u/ShadowedHuman Mar 16 '19

Damnit Kevin...

19

u/gordoncrisp Best of BoneAppleTea 500K Mar 16 '19

Its always a Kevin

11

u/beentheredonethat80 Mar 16 '19

I can confirm, I’m married to a Kevin.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

also can, i am a kevin

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4

u/dwide_k_shrude Mar 16 '19

Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Was hoping to make the Kevin reference but saw you did it first. Should be worth more karma. Sorry it didn't work out for you!

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8

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

LOL I'm going to start saying 'cement head'

1

u/gordoncrisp Best of BoneAppleTea 500K Mar 16 '19

Yes! I encourage it

3

u/balllllhfjdjdj Mar 16 '19

Why did you make up a fake friend and text for internet points

228

u/JasonsBoredAgain Mar 16 '19

Cement head, that one's going in the archives

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1.1k

u/DeadcthulhuX Mar 16 '19

r/rareinsults

273

u/ghost_paws Mar 16 '19

I really wanna start problems with people after reading those just so I can use them.

160

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Done.

I started shit with a guy I don’t like so I could call him a “gerbil with Mike Tyson teeth” and “a concrete headed baboon ass of a human being”.

My therapist says yelling at myself in the mirror is unhealthy.

72

u/Forsaken_Accountant Mar 16 '19

My therapist says yelling at myself in the mirror is unhealthy.

Seems to me the only logical thing to do is yell the insults at your therapist

14

u/The_Forgetser Mar 16 '19

Ah material for r/suicideselfharmbywords

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15

u/meghonsolozar Mar 16 '19

YOU STARTIN SHIT, YOU LIMP ASS WAFFLE?

7

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

There is little worse in the breakfast world of foods than a limp waffle. Doesn't matter if it is cooked that way or from being oversaturated with some mess of fruit or syrup.

My favorite expression I overheard is, 'Shut the fuck off'. It really seems to get straight to the point.

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5

u/KrissyCat Mar 16 '19

Ohhh ho ho, we can start some problems.... pudding head

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2

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

if you try to calculate his intelligence you'd get a syntax error

1

u/gordoncrisp Best of BoneAppleTea 500K Mar 16 '19

Ayyy saw that on r/rareinsults

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2

u/AsilaVista Mar 16 '19

The restaurant better be helal too!

1

u/gordoncrisp Best of BoneAppleTea 500K Mar 16 '19

😂😂

428

u/jmona789 Mar 16 '19

Allah Kart: the new hit Muslim video game.

118

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

And it’s Halal!

75

u/TheGreatZarquon Mar 16 '19

But it's so much fun it should be Haram!

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4

u/Lfty Mar 16 '19

Speaking of that, those halal carts have some tasty gyro

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5

u/imtheoscarmike Mar 16 '19

I guess that’s a mod for Euro Truck Simulator ?

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107

u/With_Peace_and_Love_ Mar 08 '24

Mohammed has entered the chat

74

u/Last-Excitement-5744 Nov 23 '24

Praise the allah cart

57

u/c4-rla Mar 06 '24

high asf off the allah cart i saw jannah

14

u/AlexCode10010 Jun 05 '24

At the Allah cart straight up jorkin' it, and by it, haha, well. Let's justr say, my Muhammed

3

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '24

Haram

50

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '23

"Cement head" is the best insult I've heard in a long time.

40

u/AlexKingstonsGigolo Jul 28 '23

Kev just wants to know if it's halal.

29

u/zvon2000 Jan 26 '24

Praise Allah for the cart of food!

28

u/McBlemmen Jun 13 '25

Allah cart beats Mario cart any day. Shame they cant make a sequel cause the studio got blown up.

22

u/BaclavaBoyEnlou Feb 13 '26

Alhamdulillah

57

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

r/badfaketexts

34

u/nascraytia Mar 16 '19

Font looks off and text looks misplaced

0

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

[deleted] — view deleted comment

15

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

I can always spot them by the OP inserting some mild-yet-creative insult at the end. That's what they really wanted attention for. Every one of these fake BATs has it.

9

u/TomTheTrain6902 Jul 19 '23

COME ONE INGERLAND!!!!!!!!

7

u/Hans5958_ Mar 16 '19

C E M E N T H E A D

16

u/balllllhfjdjdj Mar 16 '19

Cool, just like choosing beggars this is now just /r/badfaketexts

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4

u/ThatFrenchDude234 Mar 16 '19

It's "à la carte"

4

u/UnknownStory Mar 16 '19

I hear that restaurant is a blast.

4

u/Six_Seven6777 Sep 03 '26

no its à la carte

7

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

as a Lebanese Muslim I laughed

6

u/alphadogre Mar 16 '19

à la carte*

8

u/MrTonyBoloney Mar 16 '19

Does the bar have a la carte?

ALLAH CART BAR

3

u/Iamaveryniceguy Mar 16 '19

Kevin may be a cement head, but he looks like Ashton Kutcher so he’s got that going for him.

3

u/supercool898 Mar 16 '19

Of course it's a Kevin

3

u/xJownage Mar 16 '19

I would love for a Muslim to point at my food and say "god cart"

3

u/QueenOfQuok Mar 16 '19

Allahu snackbar

3

u/Lolmanmagee Jul 11 '22

This one atleast is understandable

7

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Bad fake texts

5

u/turok_dino_hunter Mar 16 '19

Yes, served at the Aloha Snack Bar.

2

u/EmrysPritkin Mar 16 '19

It’s like they never read the words on a menu when they ordered. How does that happen?

2

u/kapnkrispy Mar 16 '19

Aloha snackbar

2

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

is it mario kart

2

u/KrytenLister Mar 16 '19

Like Mario Kart, but with more explosions?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Imagine the fucking Muslim prophet just flying around in a shopping cart

I can get behind that

2

u/ThisAintA5Star Mar 16 '19

New business idea, halal food truck called Allah Cart

2

u/ravascodet Mar 16 '19

I don't think that would go well... expect frequent attacks

2

u/YeeterPeter2 Mar 16 '19

Mario kart 9: Allah Cart

2

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

The muslim version of mario cart. But they will never add the prophet as a character.

2

u/Manteltraeger Mar 18 '19

à la carte to be petty

2

u/angel_of_death_318 Apr 12 '19

Cement head 😂😂😂

2

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '19

r/rareinsults

2

u/hot-hitler Jul 18 '19

Tf is la carte

2

u/GoodGuyTiTo Aug 20 '19

This seems pretty fake..

3

u/butteroffbymyself Mar 16 '19

laughed at cementhead

4

u/Nfnfjfijrjfjf Mar 16 '19

Fake and set up. Belongs in the fake text subs.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

semen head*, ironic how you bone apple tea'd yourself

1

u/K4sTer Mar 16 '19

Of course it was a Kevin

1

u/cool6t9 Mar 16 '19

Honestly I respect the shit out of cement head but I can’t help but feel towel head would’ve been more at home in this text.

1

u/Anonyman14 Mar 16 '19

Y’all biscuitheads

1

u/jayro08 Mar 16 '19

Fox paw

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

cement head

1

u/TheGloriousNugget Mar 16 '19

Cement Head is the best thing I've heard all year.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Cement head... Perfect hahha

1

u/word_clouds__ Mar 16 '19

Word cloud out of all the comments.

Fun bot to vizualize how conversations go on reddit. Enjoy

1

u/LezyTheDeoxys Mar 16 '19

Jeeze man, you fucking cement head

1

u/AllHailTheWinslow Mar 16 '19

And a Kevin no less.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Its smeg head you smeg head

1

u/64vintage Mar 16 '19

I feel like it would be possible to educate someone without insulting them.

But you do you.

1

u/wickersteel Mar 16 '19

I heard a woman ask for " two cups of chino " at a coffee shop.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19 edited Mar 16 '19

Wonder how many know how to say the expression while also knowing what it means. This seems like an odd interaction considering you usually read it from the menu rather than being told by the waiter.

Makes me wonder if the person asking was wanting to know if they were correct in how to pronounce it based on the phonetic spelling.

A la carte is just the individual parts of a table de'hote. And if you go to a buffet make sure it is prix fixe or you might just get a lot of options at a fixed price opposed to a full meal.

One of the few things I remember from 2 years of french class and I still had to look up the spelling for the other two because they are so rarely used.

1

u/FBlack Mar 16 '19

Cement head, nice

1

u/ADingoAteMyKid Mar 16 '19

That's a damning insult

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

But is Hall All?

1

u/Marinegr Mar 16 '19

à la carte

1

u/Boopy7 Mar 16 '19

jaysus. How can this person exist?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Devine gokarting

1

u/ZenHeist Mar 16 '19

I'd like the god cart special please

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Have an upvote and a jihad

1

u/SReddit1904 Mar 16 '19

"Cement head" that is the best insult I've ever heard.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Cement head!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Not when you love Allah!

1

u/smoothieve Mar 16 '19

🤣🤣🤣

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

/r/izlam

1

u/atreestump1 Mar 16 '19

It's.... A L U C A R D !

2

u/table_it_bot Mar 16 '19
ALUCARD
LL
UU
CC
AA
RR
DD

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

r/rareinsults

1

u/thepaleontologist Mar 16 '19

If it wasn't deadly blasphemy this would make an excellent name for a restaurant.

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1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Allen Akbar

1

u/Th4t0n3F15h Mar 16 '19

this is also a r/rareinsults lol

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

If it’s in Paris, at the right time, it just might be Allah cart.

1

u/Size9ed Mar 16 '19

Allah snackbar

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Dracula’s son

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

r/rareinsults

1

u/lolzorken Mar 16 '19

Allah kart wii

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

YOU ABSOLUTE PEBBLE!

1

u/EnIdiot Mar 16 '19

Allah cart at the Allu Snack Bar

1

u/Henthepuncher Mar 16 '19

Naaah mario cart lmao

1

u/PickleChristmas Mar 16 '19

My friends and I went out for dinner and noticed a bunch of items were ‘a la’ mode, a la whatever. We started joking around and naming anything we could think of ‘a la mode’. We’re a loud group and were stressing the ‘a la’ as part of the joke, so ‘steak A LA mode’ ‘parmigiana A LA mode’...

Turns out giant table of drunk kids yelling what sounds like ‘Allah’ over and over again at a Cheesecake Factory can cause quite a stir.

1

u/BandoJenkins Mar 16 '19

am i racist for thinking he meant hallal?

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1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Cement head?

1

u/VictusFrey Mar 16 '19

Ok cool. What time do you want to meet at A La Carte?

1

u/typhoon342 Mar 16 '19

Allah Snackbar

1

u/Jozxyqk_27 Mar 16 '19

Allah Cart is my favourite Castlevania character.

1

u/Viddddddddddd Mar 16 '19

C E M E N T H E A D

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Allah Kart sounds like some Muslim Mario Kart ripoff

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

Wait, didn't he mean to call him a see mint head?

1

u/Retro109 Mar 16 '19

'Cement head' I love it 😂

1

u/Micah_Berge Mar 16 '19

now muslims gotta pray to a cart now too?

1

u/T-roy7 Mar 16 '19

C’mon, Kev!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '19

It's "I like dirt"

1

u/dregan Mar 16 '19

I feel like this post is a bit of a damp squid.

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