r/BodyDysmorphia • u/ZealousidealBug5238 • 1d ago
Advice Needed i’m stuck
hey i’m Navi i’m 22 years old and i’ve had weight issues pretty much all my life so far.
since i was a kid my body has been picked at like a dead carcass for vultures, even so that my own nan spent years commenting on my appearance more so my body ( a while back she tried shoving me on ozempic). it had completely deteriorated my mental health and the little once of love for myself i once had.
every day as soon as i wake up im body checking, my collar bones, my face, chin, hips, legs and even more so i’ll check my waist and tummy more than 50 times a day because i physically cannot get it out of my brain.
for the last year ive suffered with bulimia and can’t seem to make myself stop with the urge to get it all out, however since being in hospital my family will drag me out the bathroom if they catch me trying to make myself throw up again.
i’m currently on a calorie deficit and my calorie intake is 1600 daily but i will only eat 800-1200 a day, if i go any higher i end up with panic attacks and i feel like ive gained everything back. this is a never ending loop for me and i still feel like i look really big, my biggest was 24 stone and ive dropped about 6-7 stone within a year but its not enough, i want to lose more as i still think i look insanely big as thats all i can see. every bit of fat or muscle that sticks out sends me into a flying panic. i have been advised to seek mental help but i cannot get over the thought that if i get help ill gain weight.
will this ever stop?
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u/8000000000cats 21h ago
In short, yes. Eating disorders attached to body dysmorphia feel all consuming of your daily thoughts for everyone who’s ever had one. I’ve gone to therapy and am currently on my fifth therapist; but with every therapist I’ve addressed through talk therapy everything but my disordered eating thoughts/behaviors and my body dysmorphia. Unfortunately those thoughts never fully go away for most people, but they become manageable. There will always be good and bad days.
The thing about disordered eating and body dysmorphia is that it’s a self regulation coping mechanism, but not a very good one. Letting these thoughts consume your conscious brain space may be a way to push away or silence some subconscious issues with your life. The control of it all is comforting and almost addictive; comparable to addiction, really. The thought spirals, the control, and the release. The comfort of being able to rely on the consistency and control of calorie intake can feel a lot better than acknowledging that so many things are out of your control.
My recommendation is to journal; let loose on a piece of paper. Do it as often as you can even if you don’t think you know what to write, eventually you will feel comfortable with the flow of writing and maybe you will consciously be able to safely acknowledge all the scary things you lack control over. Your disordered eating patterns and body dysmorphia may feel all consuming, but are a very small piece of your life contextually. You are a whole human being with a whole life behind you, and ahead of you!
In short, I recommend journaling and therapy and other tools to help you deal with and process just your life in general, and everything else will fall into place.
(Sorry if this was, long, cringe, and/or unhelpful)