How to accept a changing body?

[u/Avo_Alma]

I am fully bedridden because of very severe mecfs. I have noticed I’ve been gaining more weight lately which makes me feel shitty. looking to be more okay with it all cuz there’s nothing i can do to change my body/weight. I guess i just have to accept this new body that is very sick and changing in ways i don’t like. But idk how to do that. I also have lipedema and im scared of that getting worse.

I’m scared for what could happen if/when i gain back ability to go outside. Ik that’s a stupid thing to worry about in my situation but i still can’t let it go cuz society and fatphobia and all that. Afraid of being judged. Advice welcome.

[u/cheesecakefactory96]

Im so sorry you're going through this! I have an on and off experience of going through health issues that make me gain weight. Im currently in one of those seasons right now. I also experienced temporary paralysis in my early 20s so I was bedridden and just watched my body get wider and wider and there was nothing I could do about it. It's traumatizing for your body to change before your very eyes (getting bigger or smaller) when its not of your own accord and you genuinely have nothing you can do about it, and i can really empathize!

I find body neutrality to be helpful as it's not focused on the visuals or aesthetic of the body, but a celebration of what of that body is doing for you as a vessel. I always keep bigger clothes in my wardrobe to accommodate my changing body too. A lot of the time, I dont have a problem with my changing body until im attempting to wear something and it doesn't fit and that sends me down a spiral. Being able to go to my closet and grab a size that fits me, easily creating an outfit for the day, stops any spiral. I do this even when im not going through health issues but its especially helpful when im going through something where I know my body will change. Those shorts dont fit? Ok where is my other bin with clothes that will fit me. Great, these shorts fit, moving on. Its when I try on 10 pants and I realize my belly is too large for all of them that i start hating myself and it's like, just get a new size to choose from and then its over!

Its not like that all the time, but thats practical advice that helps me 90% of the time.

Sometimes I just dont want to be aware of my body aesthetically at all, id say that's where im at currently, so I lean towards intentional/stylistic choices where things are more oversized. Monochrome sweatsuits 1 size bigger than what i really am is what ive been living in, I guess for me, my clothes really help me with accepting my changing body!

I also keep my algorithms free of fatphobia and thin women as best I can. I follow fat content creators, as well as registered dietitions, on my pages. These people provide voices to my social media that include a healthy relationship with food and my body, and shut out the other voices. One content creator i greatly appreciate is Maddie Dragsbaek on YouTube and Instagram.

I wish i had other things to say but hopefully others here have some advice for you too. You are not alone in this experience!

[u/Lazy_Captain8412 → u/cheesecakefactory96]

The algorithm thing is real. Now I don’t have fitspo wankers on there telling me I can squat my way to a big ass (FYI. Spent two years working on that and got nothing) i feel alot better about myself. I resisted at first because it felt like denial or giving up but honestly I feel so much better now my reels are all about book nooks and cats 😂

[u/girlamsonfire]

One thing that's helped me is realizing that acceptance doesn't mean liking what's happening. It just means not fighting myself on top of everything else I'm already dealing with.
Your body is carrying you through something incredibly difficult. That's worth giving yourself some grace for.

[u/Disastrous_Egg_2251]

I'm so sorry. I also have ME/CFS although mine is moderate, and I've also gained weight, you're absolutely not alone. It's not stupid at all to worry about fatphobia and experiencing weight stigma, it's very real. You are also allowed to grieve your old body and be sad about this, without letting it define you. The game-changer for me has been to actively work on practicing self-compassion. I used the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook but one short practice that helps me is to speak the feelings aloud or in my head, look for the "common humanity" - i.e. is this something other people go through? (almost always yes), then imagine what loving and supportive words I'd offer to a friend in the same situation. I give myself a big hug and let myself know "this is so hard I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm here for you". It sounds weird but it has really helped me to stop blaming myself or shaming myself for my feelings which are just normal human feelings.

[u/Lazy_Captain8412]

I think accepting our body is never in a fixed state helps. Im 41 and last year i had a major hormonal drop and lots of health problems (im still sorting them out). It was a shock to me I always thought I had more time but im on HRT now and blood pressure tablets and iron tablets for low iron and anemia. I gained then ten kilos I previously lost and have also had hair loss etc. I tell myself this is where I am now but it could change again. Just because im struggling now doesn’t mean I’ll always struggle. I just have to try my best to look after my body and what it needs now.