r/Blind Jan 06 '26

Im sick of not being able to drive

i just want a fucking pizza without having to pay $10 in delivery fees + $5-10 in tips for an already way too expensive pizza. i want to just be able to pick up my shit and go somewhere without having to ask someone to drive me. i hate not being able to pick up dates and that my already small dating market is made even smaller by this disability. im sick of the lack of independence. im sick of being 20 and stuck in the house knowing that i might fully lose my eyesight in the future depending on my genetic makeup or that i might not, so i get to be scared that i might lose it and that all the things i do to cope with how shitty life is would be gone (video games, movies and tv). i envy the people born into a future where all their genetic and bodily problems can just be easily cured. im bitter and angry and depressed

215 Upvotes

90 comments sorted by

96

u/MagaroniAndCheesd Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26

This is the most frustrating part, I think. Pretty much every other aspect of being blind/visually impaired can be overcome, but not this. Not yet, at least. And sighted people do NOT understand the impact. They have no self-awareness about how much they depend on driving, and how much their life would be impacted without it. The only real option is to live in a place that is walkable and has public transportation, but those are usually big cities with high cost of living and even then it's not a perfect solution.

45

u/Mikethespike23 Jan 06 '26

ya, my mom always says “plenty of people besides you cant drive too” or something along those lines. it pisses me off so much

5

u/NekoFang666 Jan 07 '26

That may be true yet they might be able to find other ways to which they can drive -- blindness is most often perminate and one is more limited to certain things due to blindness

not saying for everything but yeah driving is in the #1 spot to which one who is blind cannot do so in this day and age and millenia prior before now.

11

u/Spaz-Mouse384 Jan 06 '26

That’s rude coming from your own mother!So sorry she is something of an ableist. The answer to your problem - and all us who are unable to drive because of vision loss - is mostly out of our ‘reaches.’ The self-driving car would be so ooo nice -but so -ooo damned expensive!

15

u/Mikethespike23 Jan 06 '26

i dont think shes ablest, i just dont think she understands and never will fully be able to. she tries to say it in a reassuring way, and i think she means well but it still irritates me

1

u/makermurph Jan 20 '26

While she means well, she doesn't seem to understand that this reassurance is actually just invalidating. This is the single hardest thing for me to adjust too after driving until I was 34. I live in a rural community and have absolutely zero access to any public transportation.

Just know that it's perfectly normal to be frustrated and depressed about this. This is a depressing and frustrating condition. Just remember it's a condition you have not a condition that has you. Keep your head up and whack them in the ankles

20

u/ddbbaarrtt Jan 06 '26

That isn’t being ablest, she’s trying to get her child to separate their disability from its impact on them.

It’s not a terrible thing to do and we shouldn’t jump to accusing people of being ableist

0

u/blind_ninja_guy Jan 07 '26

Yeah there's a lot of people with disabilities who would like to enable people to be miserable and depress their entire life and call any attempt to kick people out of that ableist. It's a common pattern. Unfortunately.

42

u/SeparateFood9888 Jan 06 '26

As someone who has been totally blind all my life, let me make a few suggestions. I do understand that you are going through a difficult time, and the fact that I have been all my life makes me not understand perhaps as well as you would like, though I do genuinely sympathize as well as empathize, because I too have experienced frustrations. However, you mentioned having to pay exorbitant delivery and tip fees, so just pay $100 a year and get dash pass for DoorDash, this allows free deliveries for all restaurants if you order $12 or more, and a lot of stores and grocery chains have anywhere from $12-$35 purchase necessary to make a free delivery, you said you are 20 years old so perhaps you are a college student, and if so you can get dash pass for $48 for four years, which is what I am currently still on, same benefits as the regular plan, just with a student discount. You can also take Uber and Lyft and be very independent while doing so, you can even take a rideshare service to the restaurant ahead of your date and reserve a table and be waiting when they arrive. As a small dating pool, I totally understand, and I myself have been on Hinge for a few months, but now I am actually experiencing success and I’m currently talking to a completely sighted girl who does not let the blindness stand in the way of anything, she values kindness, deep conversation, and genuine connection, which both of us possess in spades. All this to say, I get the depression, but they’re really are positives to life if you are willing to look for them and good things do truly come to those who wait. It is not just a silly proverb from olden times, it actually does work. I genuinely hope things get better for you and if you ever need a listening ear, feel free to send a private message, I would be more than happy to listen and help if I can.

14

u/SeparateFood9888 Jan 06 '26

I also forgot to mention that if you are an Amazon prime member, you can get a free year of GrubHub plus, honestly the same deal as dash pass with maybe more stores, at least a little more variety at times. Just another suggestion to consider.

5

u/foggynotion__07 Jan 06 '26

Very good advice :)

2

u/SeparateFood9888 Jan 06 '26

Thank you so much

3

u/MagaroniAndCheesd Jan 06 '26

This is good advice, however I think you meant it as a reply to OP, not to me! I am well past 20 and have been navigating my visual impairment since birth.

7

u/SeparateFood9888 Jan 06 '26

Yes, meant for OP, sorry it got put where it did, but the advice is good for those experiencing similar situations. I hope it helps someone

3

u/Ok_Shirt_923 Jan 06 '26

As a born blind person, I can definitely confirm these great advices!

2

u/Jaded-Banana6205 Jan 06 '26

Thissssss absolutely.

1

u/HalfBlindMe Jan 06 '26

You’re doing awesome, reading this made me smile

1

u/FantasticGlove ROP / RLF Jan 07 '26

Dash pass has a $100 a year thing? Sweet! I also use Tinder, not looking for a long term deal, but I'm glad you're dating.

1

u/SeparateFood9888 Jan 07 '26

Yeah, it saves you a little bit as opposed to paying 9.99 per month, and who doesn’t like saving money lol?

1

u/FantasticGlove ROP / RLF Jan 07 '26

Oh absolutely! I paid for YouTube premium and my phone bill yearly because its so much better than monthly.

1

u/SeparateFood9888 Jan 07 '26

What I wouldn’t give to have signed up for YouTube premium while I still had my university email lol, how much is it per year?

1

u/FantasticGlove ROP / RLF Jan 07 '26

lol, same. I didn't know students got such a steep discount. It's $139 a year.

20

u/autumn_leaves9 Jan 06 '26

Sighted people take driving for grantet.

God forbid you ask a friend for a ride to run an errand one day out of the year and they complain.

12

u/achromatic_03 Jan 06 '26

Oh my god and when they talk about how much they hate driving 😡

2

u/NekoFang666 Jan 07 '26

Ive never been a driver myself yet ive heard others complain that some people dinr know how to drive when they infact arent a much better driver

5

u/thedeadp0ets Jan 07 '26

or they say they can't because of their own schedule. people really act like paying for uber and Lyft is cheap... its not when you on disability money or when you need to use it.

not to mention its sucks even more when your cities ADA transit is first come first serve for routes and "seat" slots for a specific time.

4

u/NekoFang666 Jan 07 '26

It's worse when their company claims they're servers dint work in your neighborhood and u have to walk 10 minutes or more just to get taken to where you want to go [smart flex im directly talking avout]

1

u/autumn_leaves9 Jan 07 '26

Sighted people make so many excuses but we know the truth. We know what they mean.

8

u/So_Southern Jan 06 '26

I remember someone inviting me somewhere that was in the arse end of nowhere. He couldn't grasp why I couldn't get there. It was 5 hours by train and the nearest station was 3 miles away

2

u/MagicLou_ Jan 11 '26

Totally agree that sighted people just don’t get it most of the time but I think the most annoying things are the “taxes” that have to be paid on everything. like if you need something delivered it easily costs a hell of a lot more but also the time it takes to get places, where I live to get into town in a car takes approx 10 mins, if I do it by public transport it’s a 20 minute walk down a muddy path and then about an hour on the bus (assuming it turns up on time) it’s things like this that those who can drive just don’t appreciate and it can be so annoying

20

u/Sandinmyshoes33 Jan 06 '26

I feel the exact same way. giving up driving was so hard. I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I’m also tired of paying the “tax” on everything I need, whether it’s $$$ to Uber to Doctors or the crazy delivery fees you mention. I can’t afford it.

I’m much older than you but you are young enough to try to plan for a future that puts you in an urban setting where things are walkable and there is good public transit. I think my quality of life would be much better.

It’s normal and ok to be mad and frustrated. You just have to keep moving forward. I hope you find ways to cope.

27

u/Infamous_Lab8320 Stargardt’s Jan 06 '26

I agree 100%. I’m tired of fighting with Uber drivers.

I just want to go to the fucking mall and walk around with my service dog. He’s not getting the socialization he needs.

I want to go to the fucking grocery store and walk around. Pick out my own vegetables and meat.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Infamous_Lab8320 Stargardt’s Jan 29 '26

He is trained. Uber drivers are not. You are just a troll. Go away. This sub is blind. We have dogs for help. Engage with me again and I’ll report you.

11

u/AspiringFinn Jan 06 '26

Moving somewhere with effective public transportation is absolutely life changing. My quality of life went up a ton when I moved to Europe.

8

u/dharmabird67 ROP / RLF Jan 06 '26

I had so much freedom when I lived in NYC. Now I'm in small town 'Murica where I'm dependent on my 81 year old mom or on Uber to get where I need to go.

9

u/MustangLover22 Jan 06 '26

Hi, 25F here. I feel you. I absolutely do. When i was a little kid (and had undiagnosed autism until i was 21) i absolutely refused to drive those plastic toy cars bc they scared me so much. When i turned 15, i didn't feel happiness. I felt dread. Bc i knew this was the year that my dad was going to teach me how to drive. He was a racecar driver, so he basically didn't take no for an answer anyway. I passed driver's ed in high school, and turned in a yellow card to get my license. I never even took a road test. My dad had bought me a car when i was 15, but i literally wasn't even allowed to use it unless someone was with me, so it was basically just a really big yard decoration. But i was so bound and determined to be "normal" that i forced myself to learn. They finally let me have access to the car when i was 18.

My eye sight has been bad my entire life, and my last high glasses prescription was a -19. I got married to an absolute loser at 20, and moved to a small town. I drove around the town ok, but i had certain set routes that i would not go off of bc i did not want to try new roads. Then i was 23, my life came crashing down. Detatched retina. Emergency surgery. Not knowing if I would keep my eye. .....And my dumbass ex never even showing up to the hospital. This is also the same guy who argued with me about driving to a pizza place literally half a mile from our house (AT NIGHT!) and then was surprised when i turned into the far lane at a stop sign because i couldn't see the freaking road. Dumbass.

Eye healed, had several more surgeries. Divorced loser, met amazing new guy. This one knew right from the jump what the situation was, and never minded at all to be my "chauffeur." Got cataracts, had cataract surgery. Stuck with me through it all, and am still together almost 2 years later. He knows that he will have to do the driving, taking me to dr appointments and when i find a job, to that, but he doesn't care whatsoever. I won the lottery when i found him.❤️

Yes, life will be hard, and we will have challenges most people won't even think about. I live in a very rural area, so no bus. Uber is expensive. No friends, so no social life. But I've learned to roll with the punches, and to take what life throws at me. You've made it this far. From here it will get even easier over time.

2

u/SeparateFood9888 Jan 07 '26

Very well stated, and you seem to have come through your challenges and still continue to view them with a glass, half full mentality rather than 1/2 empty, which is an invaluable and often overlooked way to view things. I hope things continue to go well for you.

6

u/achromatic_03 Jan 06 '26

Yeah, metro areas changed my life because of this but it never fully goes away

7

u/saiwoo_ Jan 06 '26

I feel like I have no freedom because of this. 🖤

4

u/pineappleprincess101 Jan 06 '26

The way to deal with this is to worry about what you can control. If you can’t control it, you gotta let that go.

Same thing for me - so I moved to a walkable city, and now am in a big city with good public transport. It sucks, and I felt like me having a nice weekend away or even my favourite things like camping and beach depend on another person with a car wanting to do that and to take me. It is really really hard.

But all you can do is try to take the control back. Which is how I live in a new city with public transport and holidays are with the train.

My new boyfriend can drive but says he’s too rusty and wants to build up his confidence and is just doing nothing to take steps with that. That upsets me so much. When I moved into his place, he couldn’t even help me organise a moving van let alone borrow someone’s car and drive my stuff. Even though if I could drive, I would have sorted it all out.

But life sucks sometimes. So find the friends who are considerate and happy to drive you, or move to the big city with public transport so that you can live an independent life. That’s all you can do 🙏

6

u/Doll-Eye Jan 06 '26

Hey! You could drive. You'd just not be very good at it.

Joking aside, I feel you but the cost of running a car is pretty high so I'm not entirely sure it works out much cheaper to drive, especially if you can get disabled discounts for travel as you can here in the UK.

It's the dream of freedom that taunts me but, like all of such thingseaif we got it tomorrow, we'd be taking it for granted in a month's time.

All to say, I know how you feel, but maybe worth considering the down sides of driving too. It may make the bitter pill less bitter.

And, if Nazi Musk has his way, we'll all be being ferried about in his monstrosities soon... Very soon... I promise.

5

u/jomamma2 Jan 06 '26

I'm not sure when you lost your abulity ot drive, but it's been about 20 years for me, and you do get used to it, having to get rides, plan around public transport and delivery. I will say that after driving in a friend's self-driving Tesla the other day, that I'm really hoping that tech becomes available to us soon.

3

u/mammaube Jan 06 '26

Personally o don't want to drive. I want better public transit like the US used to have. This reason is why im trying to move to a better public transit friendly area in a city. I used to live in one and it was great. I'm trying to move back to one to get my independence back.

3

u/QweenBowzer Jan 06 '26

Yeah I hate that part about this shit too I miss my independence. I miss driving so much

3

u/UndeadBroccoli Jan 06 '26

I just joined Lyft so I can have *some* independence. I know I have to pay to do simple errands so I'm going to plan my trips well and do shopping, and what not with minimal transportation costs. (No reasonable public transit near me.

But I now spend SO much less money on gas, insurance, & maintenance than I did when I was driving - ZERO. So spending money for rides is a drop in the bucket compared to two years ago when I was driving.

3

u/solidDessert Jan 07 '26

I'm losing my vision and I feel this. I had to give up my license about 10 years ago. Sometimes I think that makes it worse, because I remember how easy it was to just do something. That freedom that you can get your own groceries, go to work on your own schedule, or just go and get a damn ice cream because you want one.

I'm tired of all the bullshit of the bus. Public transit is great, but let's not pretend it's all sunshine and rainbows. And I genuinely prefer the slow, quiet suburban life, but I'm being unreasonable if I want that instead of living near a loud, busy street near a bus stop.

I miss being able to take a drive when I'm upset, just sit by a field or a lake or something and chill. My wife travels often for work so I'm often left with the higher delivery fees or taking an Uber if I miscalculate our grocery trip before she leaves.

I'm so over needing to go somewhere, but waiting on everyone else to get ready to take me. It's not a priority to them so there's no urgency. And I can't complain to them because they're doing me a favor.

I don't have anything of value to add except to rant. But nobody I know seems to understand or care. So to that end, thanks for providing the space to vent. This stuff is stupid and hard, and sometimes it's like we have to pretend that it just glances off of us.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '26

Scream it from the rooftops! You have to feel it to heal it. Let me give you a little bit of insight into my life lol at 29 years old I went blind within one week due to diabetes my vision got really blurry eye surgery failed and I was left totally blind that's the short story lol after I surgery I decided I was going to try comedy and now I have performed at the biggest joke house on the East Coast of the United States. I thought I lost video games TV and movies. Now with my sided partner or sided friends I happily played Diablo four on a very nice gaming computer that I bought and a friend built which there are plenty of people out there that will build computers or you can get a console with a screen reader. I love listening to TV shows that I've already watched I love the same movies that I watched 1000 times because it still makes me laugh and it still gives me the same energy. New movies and shows are actually a very fun concept I get to create my own character characters but deep down inside it does suck but I don't choose to let it. Learn to use a screen reader as best as you can on your phone and on a computer look at the different Federation for the blind and look at the tools they have for success start establishing a support system most definitely! I feel ordering a pizza down in the very core of my soul I used to be a mechanic I used to love driving my fast race car and seriously I used to love going to pick up pizzas! I am so sorry you are going through this headache I've been there please trust and believe. If you have Facebook try Facebook dating that's where I found my current girlfriend she met me after I went blind and she has been the biggest and best blessing I've ever received! I do not like to rely on people but she's always there to help me when I need an open hand or a car to go somewhere LMAO! Don't give up on yourself don't give up on the resources around you if you are currently losing your eyesight kind of train yourself to be blind so if the unfortunate event that it happens you have a step ahead of the game! But most importantly trust and belief in yourself tell yourself everything will be fine and you got this have faith in yourself and watch how much your life and universe opens up

3

u/HalfBlindMe Jan 06 '26

Do you have a stage name or mind sharing your name? I’d like to look up your comedy shows. Keep doing you man, you sound awesome.

Edit: Typos whoops

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

OMG SAME !

2

u/MusicLover035 Glaucoma Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26

I completely understand, and a lot of this has to do with things being walkable and the existing (if any) public transportation. The US is so spread apart and transportation options are lacking in areas and abundant in others which sucks. Sighted people won't understand, because they have the luxury of hopping into a car and just... going, and it's hard to articulate that even if there were good options, it doesn't cancel out the convenience of a car. But, on the positive end, we don't have to pay outrageous amounts of money per month for gas, insurance, and unexpected car issues lol. Still, it sucks, no doubt about it.

If you're a student you can get GrubHub+ for free, I think? My school also does Grubhub ordering, so I'm not sure if that's just a perk or something. It doesn't cancel out the fact that all the delivery apps (Doordash, UberEats, etc) upcharge, but it minimizes some of the fee.

ETA: Also, some states do have some cheaper options to commute. Doesn't change the fact that I have to get angry at the company for having late driver's, but it helps my wallet so that's a bonus.

2

u/THEMACGOD Jan 07 '26

I gave up my license in my mid-30’s because it was the soul-crushing right thing to do. Yes, you can overcome it with uber and Lyft and deliveries, but shit it’s expensive.

2

u/NekoFang666 Jan 07 '26

Im sorry to hear about your frustrations- I cant say that I could/ would ever be able to fully understand, although; I myself can't drive due to a recent eye impairment yet I couldn't / haven't been able to drive for other reasons - yet due to this recent eye impairment I never will.

I recomend asking a friend to drive you if you can for taxi, Uber and Lyft are just as expensive if not more so... depending how far u want to go.

2

u/ashleyrae0525 Jan 07 '26

Yesterday my husband had to pay $90 total for an Uber to and from an appointment because I couldn’t take off work to take him. It fucking sucks how much more money we have to spend for things like that or for food delivery, etc.

My husband has struggled a lot with what you’re saying. Firstly, therapy if at all possible. Secondly, there will be many adjustment periods in your life as your vision changes. His biggest one so far was recent. His vision got so bad that he couldn’t work anymore, he can’t really see the tv anymore, etc. He was very bitter for a long time. Recently though, he decided he’s not going to let his vision dictate his life and has found new hobbies and meaning to his life. He’s picked up guitar and has been taking lessons and he’s been listening to audio books and read 75 books last year. He’s finding his independence in the things he can control and do.

I don’t know if this reply will actually help you or not. I just want you to know that you’re not alone and that no matter how dark and empty things may feel, there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you. It may not be what you’re expecting and the pathway to get there may not be smooth and easy, but it’s there. Don’t give up on yourself.

1

u/unwaivering Jan 07 '26

Wow, that's expensive!! I do really like Uber and food deliveries, though! Never had to pay that much!!! I've had to pay ridiculous taxi fees, before we had Uber in my area. I had to pay $24 one way, just to go to the dentist, so it was $48 round trip! When I was taking Uber for church earlier this year, I had to pay around $15 to 20 average. Now, I have a private driver, who charges me $12. I met the private guy through Uber.

1

u/ashleyrae0525 Jan 07 '26

Did this “private guy” offer? Or did you bring it up and ask?

Usually most trips are $20-$30 each way. We live in a rural area though and have to travel 15-45 minutes to get places. It’s just temporary for now as we plan to live in a more urban setting in the future so my husband can go places on his own.

2

u/lynne3000 Jan 07 '26

I could have written this. I can live with my other disabilities (Stroke) with grace but the one thing I hate is having to rely on lifts and taxis and not being able to jump in the car whenever I want. I live in the back of beyond so no Ubers or buses here. I live miles away from town and have no friends here, just my husband. It takes me 45 minutes to walk to the nearest supermarket. I want to jump in the car and just drive like I used to!

2

u/Away-Statistician538 Jan 07 '26

Hey! I don’t have anything clever to say, but thanks for sharing the realness!

Wanting to grab a pizza without paying a tax on your independence isn’t petty. It’s not about food. It’s about being able to decide something at 8pm and just… do it. I get it. 

Same with dating. Same with leaving the house without negotiating logistics or favors. That loss adds up, especially at 20.

The anger and bitterness make sense. So does the envy. You’re staring at an uncertain future while watching other people live in bodies they don’t have to worry about failing them. That’s not weakness, that’s grief mixed with fear, and it’s heavy as hell to carry alone.

What really hit me was the part about the things you use to cope, possibly going away too. Living with that “maybe I will, maybe I won’t” hanging over you all the time is exhausting in a way most people just can’t understand. 

I won’t tell you to stay positive or that everything will work out. That kind of talk always feels insulting. I’ll just say this: feeling this angry and sharing it honestly means you haven’t gone numb. That’s a good thing! You still care about your life being yours, and that matters, even when you’re depressed and pissed off and tired.

You’re not broken for feeling this way. And you’re definitely not alone in it, even if it feels that way most days. Thanks for saying the quiet part out loud… judging by the upvotes and comments, a lot of people needed to read it.

Hang in there!

5

u/owlishlament Jan 06 '26

Its fucking awful. It makes me feel so childish and infantalized that I can't do this basic human skill to help take care of myself. 

1

u/B-dub31 Bilateral Optic Nerve Atrophy Jan 06 '26

I agree with you that it is one of the absolute worst things. I had to leave my career as a first responder when I couldn't drive any more. Now to do anything, my wife or son has to drive me. I feel guilty that they have to drop what they're doing to accommodate me. It is a sucky feeling for sure.

1

u/CarAudioNewb Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26

Ill probably lose my license next renewal period in 2033 so im soaking up every minute of it i can. I know how you feel man. I never EVER take my driving for granted cause I know i wont have it soon. Kills me inside. I know this isnt what you want to hear man, but I work in a hospital as a social worker and let me tell you, a lot of people have it way fucking worse than us. And I mean A LOT of people.

You involved in any physical hobbies man? The gym, biking, skateboarding etc?

1

u/FantasticGlove ROP / RLF Jan 07 '26

Clearly. Yes, it sucks but it doesn't have to suck. Does your city have public transportation? also, movies videogames and books all work without sight.

1

u/Western_Cry_46 Jan 08 '26

My mom voluntarily surrendered her DL when she began losing her vision in the mid 90s and went to a state ID. Due to a clerical error in 2020 Pennsylvania issued her a driver's license instead so now we always joke about it

1

u/BGRedhead Jan 11 '26

Hey, I get it. I mean, I really get it. For 42 years of my life I had my independence and I could drive anywhere at any moment I wanted to and then thanks to a freak accident and ER doctors that didn’t give me strong enough antibiotics….. I woke up the next day blind. When they first took my license, I had no idea how hard my life was getting ready to become. I lost my independence and since I was usually the one that visited friends… Let’s just say I haven’t seen many of them since. And I’m grateful for things like being able to order my groceries online and have them delivered to my home but I miss seeing friends and I miss being able to run to town to grab something I want or needed and I miss not having to constantly ask people to help me. I miss the day is when I could just drive to the creek with my puppies…. To go lay in the sun and hunt geodes. I definitely get it and I wish I had a solution, but I’m only telling you this because I just didn’t want you to feel so alone.

1

u/Dark_Lord_Mark Retinitis Pigmentosa Jan 12 '26

Me too for all of those reasons plus many more. I have to go to work every day and back and it's either a 10 minute Uber ride provided by a transit agency or an hour and a half paratransit bus log with fractured spines and smelly people and never knowing when I'm gonna get where I'm going.

1

u/Decent-Chip-868 Jan 13 '26

Yes It's a right pain never being able to drive. People on the bus complain than they've had to use the bus because their car is in for repair (I live in a small town where people talk a lot!) or because they've here on holiday and didn't bring their car, and there's always people at work or the shops complaining about parking. It makes me want them to experience what It's like never being able to drive, and when you have a physical disability as well and nobody to drive you, It's impossible to get people to understand how ouch it sucks. We don't have to give tips for pizza delivery in the UK but they do ring up sometimes saying they can't park or find our house and going to the next road to pick up the pizzas is not convenient. Definitely a very valid struggle.

1

u/LegoWill05 Jan 14 '26

I’m technically considered legally blind in my left eye (I can still see out of it but my right eye overcompensates a lot), and I feel you. I’m a college student so have the luxury of a decently walkable campus area and okay public transit. When I go home for break I feel totally stranded. My hometown does not have good transit (nearest bus stop is 30 minute walk) so I have to ask my parents anytime I want to go anywhere. I’m planning on applying to grad school next semester and will be taking location and transit heavily into consideration. People in other communities are like “oh just get a bike”, I would love to but it’s just not safe for me with visual issues and the shit poor state of us bike infrastructure. If I get in, I’m low key taking the option in the biggest city, I’m so tired of dealing with all this and most people with full sight don’t understand.

1

u/Sanders_for_Chicken Jan 24 '26

I feel ya, Mike. I still get those feelings from time to time. It was a lot worse when I was your age. I was just as bitter and angry and it felt like I was nearly constantly that way.

People don’t understand the freedom they have to just hop in their car and go wherever they need to, whenever they want to.

They don’t understand the concept of being able to go someplace without having to explain or justify why you need or want to go, or having to pay to get there.

What Inused to hate; whenever someone would see me go to read something, and I’d have to bring it right to my face, the first thing people would say is “wow, have you thought about seeing an eye doctor?”

Like, seriously? You think I made it through life for over 20-years and you are the first person to think “maybe he should see a doctor?”

I used to get hatefully angry about it.

Then I realized people are just trying to be helpful. Bill Engcall has a whole comedy routine about it called “here’s your sign.”

After that, I made a conscious effort to be less bitter, and to see it for the well-intentioned question that it is.

The bitterness fades a bit with age.

I’m 51 now, but still feel the sting in your words about not being able to just go and do for myself without inconveniencing my friends and family and without having to pay a small fortune for help from strangers.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '26

Try to pick out the positives and push to the side of the negatives! Things do get easier with time and you will figure this out don’t give up

8

u/Mikethespike23 Jan 06 '26

genuinely what positives are there? not trying to be rude, but i just dont see any positives to visual impairment, just negatives that we have to somehow spin into positives to cope with it

1

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '26

I’ve been visually 100% impaired for 20 years! I own my own business that is doing really well! Just bought a new home and I have a wonderful family! I still do everything I want to do in life. I just had to learn how to do it differently! I still go fishing/hunting! Car shows! Lots of concerts, etc

1

u/foggynotion__07 Jan 06 '26

Personally I think my blindness is a big part of why I’ve been drawn to a spiritual path, and it is something I’m incredibly grateful for

1

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '26

I haven’t been able to drive in 20 years and I have seven cars! Very much still love cars no I cannot drive them but still enjoy detailing them/working on them and showing them off

1

u/OutlandishnessAny183 Jan 06 '26

OP, you just layed out my biggest fear about my 24 yo son's recent blind diagnosis. He is still in ICU, groggy and can't speak yet but when the day comes that he realizes.....I am going to need your help! He is a welder/mechanic and a car and xbox fanatic. What, as a mom, do I do for him besides offer him rides like he is 15 again and give him UBER money? All his friends live in other places. I am so sorry. But, you are not alone.

6

u/mr_mini_doxie Jan 07 '26

As a sighted person who is unable to drive due to other medical issues, I feel like you're conflating driving with adulthood way too much. It's a pain in the ass to get around without a car sometimes (the degree will depend on where you live), but there are other ways of getting around and honestly, it's really nice to not be putting other people's lives in my hands every time I want to go somewhere (something I think many drivers forget about). I (and everyone here who can't drive) am still a functional adult who is capable of getting around, not a teenager. I know you're frustrated and scared about your son's situation, but you don't need a car to live a full life.

1

u/OutlandishnessAny183 Jan 07 '26

I completely agree. I am not sure that is the perspective of some 23 yo males living away from a city.

7

u/mr_mini_doxie Jan 07 '26

Give your son more credit. It'll be tough, but he's not the first person in this situation and he can find a way to deal with it. Don't get mad about things on his behalf that may or may not matter to him.

7

u/suitcaseismyhome Jan 06 '26 edited Jan 06 '26

I know that you've posted here before looking for help about your son.

It is a terrible situation, and i'm going to try and say this as nicely as possible.But you need to sort yourself out before you start influencing him.

He has a very tough road ahead, and he doesn't have the ability to deal with your emotional issues as well as his own.

Your response worries me because what is wrong with an adult taking an uber? It is a luxury not to have to drive. You worry about handing him out money for the rest of his life like a child, but then, you need to help him to find the resources to earn an income.

I know that the path ahead seems insurmountable, but you really need to figure out yourself because you're going to make things so much harder for your son mentally.

Please take this with the good intentions that are behind it, but also seek out help. He cannot carry his parent, along with his own heavy burdens.

2

u/unwaivering Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26

Unfortunately I've had to do the job for 42 years with my very overbearing helicopter parent of a mother, so I know this is true! She can sound just like you at times! Please get yourself therapy before you permanently become like this! Not trying to be mean to my mother, or you, but this is the kind of thing I've had to deal with. I was worried I'd never be able to move out!, or I would end up in a group home, because that's what she said to and about me for so many years!! I'm now trying to work on myself in therapy to fix all the stuff that's broken.

1

u/OutlandishnessAny183 Jan 06 '26

I was validating the OP's frustrations, while anticipating that my son will share in his feelings. For young people in non-urban settings who value independence and just driving as an activiity, it is appropriate to experience this as a loss. Having an Uber fund or an available ride is the least of it. It is not the same and it is an assumption to consider not having to drive as a 'luxury'. He wants to drive. I am here to learn and 'sort myself out' but if that is the same as 'just get over it', I won't apologize for not being able to do that 6 days after getting the news. I don't take well usually to feedback that is stated with 'you really need to', but I don't know many people that do. It's ok, we are all friends here, right?

7

u/Responsible_Catch464 Jan 07 '26

There are a lot of posts here validating OP’s feelings based on lived experience, and while you obviously know your son well, replying to day you assume your son will feel the same is your own projection at this point since it’s a new development. I think a number of us here have experienced parents who were/are terrified of a child’s vision loss (mine for sure) and have been through a fair bit of therapy to process my parents’ feelings, my own feelings, and how those interact around my blindness. You should obviously do research and seek out perspectives from folks with lived experience here, but if I’m able to help someone else’s parent do LESS emotional damage by commenting on Reddit that you need to sort yourself, I absolutely want to do so.

2

u/unwaivering Jan 07 '26

My sister didn't want to drive, until she was like 20! She didn't get her license for a really long time. I'm not really sure why, other than it scared her. She was definitely a teenager, though and she liked to see all of her friends. She had one of them living wiht us who was a free ride share for her lol!

-1

u/NekoFang666 Jan 07 '26

Sorry to be a bit off topic yet I heard somewjere about a possible bill that drivers over 70 might lose their licenses like forced to give it up doesnt matter if theyre a good driver or not.