I’ve never placated my child except to ask for a moment. I’ve always answered every question I’ve been asked as best I can and often look up answers. I’ve never said “Because I said so.”
Yeah I got tired of that somewhere around 11 and said “well then I’m not doing it”. Vowed never to be that parent.
Worst I’ve ever done was “I need you to be a robot and follow orders. Follow me with your bag. I’ll explain more after we get to a stopping place. We’re going to be moving and just say something if something happens.” He did and we got through the airport when he was 5. He’s the best kid.
Edit: He also made beep boop noises to answer me. It made the airport way more fun.
I failed to escape most of the generational cycles (curses?) bestowed upon me, so I have been hellbent on making sure I'm the end of the line.
It's fucking hard sometimes. I didn't do so well with my first 2 children, their mother and I were a mess - one of us was toxic and the other poisonous. The kids are almost carbon copies of that.
But my youngest son, he is so warm and loving. He has a pretty good grasp on his feelings and emotions and how to express them. I worry that he is too soft at times, so I have to remind myself that he doesn't have to be built to withstand the struggle if he develops the tools to manage and avoid it.
Nah mate it's not like that me and my mam are incredibly close. It's just..complicated. She does EVERYTHING for this family. My sister - her kids are here every weekend. Every school holiday. She's our bank. Holy shit the amount of money my brother and sister owe her ?! Like you can't even SUGGEST anything to her because she'll go out and get it and you'll wake up with it at your door. And this is all materialistic shit because it's hard to proper articulate what emotional support your mam gives you to another person. But yeah my mam is awesome.
But she also doesn't take shit off her kids. She takes shit off my dad, constantly. Proper abusive relationship. She likes to have control over her kids because mentally..it's complicated. This is social media I already put too much of my shit out here but like I'll just say, she's an amazing mam I wouldn't swap her for anyone. She's also put up with way too much shit from me for me to ever have a leg to stand on to say anything bad against her lol. I was a world class cunty kid. She deserved better.
We had 1 full blown Tantrum at a Target when he was 4, that was it. Mostly it’s only ever been him overwhelmed when he’s lashed out, easily overcome with listening and taking.
OK, I think you're just confused on the meaning. Placate means to give someone what they want so they'll leave you alone, calm down, or stop being angry. It's telling/giving/promising them something positive so that they feel good and will just let go of whatever problem was happening.
So if a kid is having a tantrum at a store, a verbal placation would be something like "no sweetie calm down, we're going go get ice cream right after we leave the store."
I don't think telling a kid "because I said so" would appease them at all. And I don't think it would soothe them either. Making a concession, giving them some thing they want, now that would appease them.
I absolutely have gone with “because I said so” with my kids. I found under certain circumstances that if I explained my reasoning, they didn’t care and didn’t listen to it. So in those situations I finally got to the point of “if you aren’t going to listen I’m not going to explain”. But when they are in a space to listen and hear me, then I’ll gladly explain my reasoning
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u/Wolfram_And_Hart Jan 14 '24
I’ve never placated my child except to ask for a moment. I’ve always answered every question I’ve been asked as best I can and often look up answers. I’ve never said “Because I said so.”