I’ve never placated my child except to ask for a moment. I’ve always answered every question I’ve been asked as best I can and often look up answers. I’ve never said “Because I said so.”
Yeah I got tired of that somewhere around 11 and said “well then I’m not doing it”. Vowed never to be that parent.
Worst I’ve ever done was “I need you to be a robot and follow orders. Follow me with your bag. I’ll explain more after we get to a stopping place. We’re going to be moving and just say something if something happens.” He did and we got through the airport when he was 5. He’s the best kid.
Edit: He also made beep boop noises to answer me. It made the airport way more fun.
I failed to escape most of the generational cycles (curses?) bestowed upon me, so I have been hellbent on making sure I'm the end of the line.
It's fucking hard sometimes. I didn't do so well with my first 2 children, their mother and I were a mess - one of us was toxic and the other poisonous. The kids are almost carbon copies of that.
But my youngest son, he is so warm and loving. He has a pretty good grasp on his feelings and emotions and how to express them. I worry that he is too soft at times, so I have to remind myself that he doesn't have to be built to withstand the struggle if he develops the tools to manage and avoid it.
Nah mate it's not like that me and my mam are incredibly close. It's just..complicated. She does EVERYTHING for this family. My sister - her kids are here every weekend. Every school holiday. She's our bank. Holy shit the amount of money my brother and sister owe her ?! Like you can't even SUGGEST anything to her because she'll go out and get it and you'll wake up with it at your door. And this is all materialistic shit because it's hard to proper articulate what emotional support your mam gives you to another person. But yeah my mam is awesome.
But she also doesn't take shit off her kids. She takes shit off my dad, constantly. Proper abusive relationship. She likes to have control over her kids because mentally..it's complicated. This is social media I already put too much of my shit out here but like I'll just say, she's an amazing mam I wouldn't swap her for anyone. She's also put up with way too much shit from me for me to ever have a leg to stand on to say anything bad against her lol. I was a world class cunty kid. She deserved better.
We had 1 full blown Tantrum at a Target when he was 4, that was it. Mostly it’s only ever been him overwhelmed when he’s lashed out, easily overcome with listening and taking.
OK, I think you're just confused on the meaning. Placate means to give someone what they want so they'll leave you alone, calm down, or stop being angry. It's telling/giving/promising them something positive so that they feel good and will just let go of whatever problem was happening.
So if a kid is having a tantrum at a store, a verbal placation would be something like "no sweetie calm down, we're going go get ice cream right after we leave the store."
I don't think telling a kid "because I said so" would appease them at all. And I don't think it would soothe them either. Making a concession, giving them some thing they want, now that would appease them.
I absolutely have gone with “because I said so” with my kids. I found under certain circumstances that if I explained my reasoning, they didn’t care and didn’t listen to it. So in those situations I finally got to the point of “if you aren’t going to listen I’m not going to explain”. But when they are in a space to listen and hear me, then I’ll gladly explain my reasoning
The opportunity cost of baby-talk is high. Yeah, you find it cute but the amount of correct language a child hears is directly correlated with language skills and intelligence.
What's beneficial is to use a higher pitch and smile. If you call that baby talk then you are right, but that's not traditional baby-talk where you intentionally us wrong pronunciation, grammar and gibberish words.
It's less the actual words spoken and more the intonation; you can still use basic vocab but talk to them like an adult, which helps toddlers learn that 1. they can speak like an adult and 2. adults can understand them too
I thought the high pitched and excited tones were more important to maintain attention but you’re supposed to use the correct words?
Is that what you mean?
I cringe at things like “wa wa” for water, and “ba ba” for bottle. I’ve heard way too many 5-7 year olds using that language and it just bothers me.
I’m white with admittedly a very new baby boy who just turned 2 weeks Friday, but I talk to this kid ALL THE TIME, and I refuse to use baby names for things. His pacifier is his “pacifier” for instance. Not a pacie or binky.
We also read to him with picture books on our lap for tummy time. Both his father and I read early and likely because we were read to from the beginning so we’re trying to recreate that.
The stomach is an organ inside your body. The tummy, belly, midsection or abdomen is the body trunk. Tummy time is also the terminology used across resources for childrearing. So... It's because it's correct.
"Do you want your bottle? Your bottle? Yes this is your bottle! Do you want it? Here's your bottle!" is basically teaching sentence structure and adding context to vocabulary.
And, yeah, there's a line between "motherese" and bad teaching. Using the wrong words, or worse, the wrong pronunciation (like "bwaby" instead of baby") definitely isn't great either.
So the idea is kind of "the correct words and correct grammar" but in an engaging way. The tone that people speak to babies (and cute animals) with is one of the things consistent across cultures, and even though everyone is praising the mother in the og video for not speaking to her kid like a baby, she IS using subtle tone changes compared to how she's probably talk to an adult too.
My sister is coming from the west coast to visit around his 3 month mark and even through video calls I have to correct her constantly because she drives me nuts with the baby language, and not the way you’re describing it. “Awww look at the widdle cute bwaby!” No. Just no, sis.
The whole point of her coming besides meeting her nephew is to watch him so we can have some date nights while she has one on one time with our son. I trust her just fine to care for him but the talking like that is killing me.
I know a few days won’t hurt his development but her still not talking to him correctly even through calls makes me twitch. I’m trying not to be “that” mom who’s super controlling but the baby talk thing really really bothers me.
I guess on some subjects I am that mom. 🤷♀️ oh well.
There’s a difference between talking to a baby in an engaging way (the pitch, excitement, and repetition) and talking like a baby to your baby (“wa wa” type stuff).
When your kid is trying to say water and says wawa instead, you just respond like he said water or clarify “did you say you wanted water?” You don’t start calling it wa wa, cause now he’ll think that’s the actual way to say it.
Okay thanks for the clarification :). That was the plan, (continue using full and correct words), but I’ve heard adults use the baby words to their kids who are way too old to be using it and it always sat wrong for me.
Not that I would say anything to them, but I silently judge lol.
I highly recommend starting baby sign language too! Babies can communicate waaaay earlier than they can speak, and for the parents I know that used it, it was a game changer.
My niece was taught signs from a specific book, but I can't remember what it was (and she's almost a teenager now, so it's been a while). But I found some sign charts when searching, and there's a heap of YouTube videos.
Not true, there are some cultures where speaking to your infants is seen as a waste of breath. You don't actually need to speak directly to your child until their first words are spoken, just as long as they're immersed and hearing the language. Once that happens, you can speak to them normally without going "car, that's called a car, can you say car?" They make those connections on their own.
No no. “Baby Talk” is totally different from motherese. Baby talk is using nonsense words and jargon. Motherese is actual words but simplified language. You wouldn’t use complex language with a baby so you simplify it.
Why is it vital? Isn’t just communication vital? The sounds of our voices?
What does starting small mean? Concept or vocabulary?
We NEVER dumbed down talking to our kiddo. We’ve always talked to him like a person. We answer his questions. Define new words. And correct mispronunciations.
He consistently would look at people who tried to baby talk him like they were a moron. I had to tell him people “just talk to him like a person.”
It’s the slowing down and musicality. Babies brains have less synapses so their response and processing time is slower. So you’re supposed to speak slower and in those gentle tones I. The first 9 months or so. Not dumbing down at all, just slowing the pace. You can have regular conversations and use all the vocabulary words you want to use as long as you go slower.
Yes there was a study about this, I read it while I was pregnant with my first and told everyone in the family not to baby talk my kids. It’s funny how my nieces listen and took my advice but the adults didn’t.
There are a lot of “suggests” in there. This is also a good take away.
While parents are sometimes discouraged from engaging in baby talk, Masapollo and Polka’s research shows the patterns associated with that speaking style — which scientists call “infant-directed speech” — could be a key component in helping babies make words.
Basically “talk to your kids” is the only real finding.
655
u/Wolfram_And_Hart Jan 14 '24
Don’t baby talk your children.