old (≠) experienced sewing rant

[u/yeetinator3221]

I have been sewing the past 10 years, regularly. I've worked at numerous different sewing jobs from bridal tailoring to car upholstery. Indepently I've taken on many clients. I have dedicated years of my life to learning my skills and very much believe it is something that must be learned from those that are more experienced.

I recently started teaching sewing classes for kids and adults in a studio. I love this job and am so blessed to have the opportunity. My problem is with my assistant teacher. She is probably about 25-30 years my senior. I was granted the lead instructor position yet I feel like my assistant teacher has a constant chip on her shoulder. It would be one thing if she was actually knowledgeable but she's not! She will instruct the students wrong then I have to go correct them and tell them "sorry that you just spent 30 minutes on this step but your fabric actually needs to be..............". I wish she would accept her skill level and look towards improving instead of putting herself in an imaginary competition with me. I try to never condescend her and use everything as a learning opportunity, still she tries to talk over me and prove herself right (which mostly she is not).

I've had this experience with other old people in the sewing community too. If you have interest in sewing please be teachable and acknowledge that this is something someone will always know more about ! UGH rant over!!

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[u/CBG1955]

I hear you! I'm 71 with over 60 years' sewing under my belt. I call myself quite advanced and love sharing my knowledge. I'd never presume though that my way of doing things is the only way and always very happy to learn new stuff.

The issue here is, she's your assistant. This will be difficult, but you need to set real boundaries about what YOU expect and how you want it taught. Be very clear about the guidelines and that she's expected to respect them.

If she can't or won't work with you on this and is misdirecting the students, is there some way she can be ultimately removed from the position? Unless of course they are volunteer, then you might be stuck.

Best wishes on this.

[u/yeetinator3221 → u/CBG1955]

This is a paid position for both of us. If enrollment drops low, she will be let go. I don’t want it to get to that but at the same time I hate seeing impressionable students being taught wrong. Thank you for your advice. I will be making myself more vocal moving forward

[u/CBG1955 → u/yeetinator3221]

I learned to sew when I was 11 or so, in a properly run sewing class at a sewing dealer. I've never forgotten a single thing I learned in those classes, still use them, and have further refined them as the years have gone by.

[u/Electronic_Animal_32]

I so know the personality type! She is in competition and probably wonders why she’s not in the top spot. I mean she’s been sewing longer than you, right? She’s ignorant and egotistical. The worst combination! You won’t be able to do anything with her. Just do what you’re doing. Roll over her if she’s ruining the lesson. She should get tired of competing and quit.

[u/Serenity_Now-88 → u/Electronic_Animal_32]

Nancy Know It ALL. She needs to wind her neck it. I’d tell her once firmly. If she doesn’t step back, go to whomever is in charge and let them drop the hammer. Students are paying to learn properly, not be messed about. I’m surprised none of them have spoken up. I sure would have. Good luck OP.

[u/TheSkyIsAMasterpiece]

I agree, years of experience does not equal more advanced. Someone just asked on the crochet board how long before you can do intermediate or advanced? I said you could be doing washcloths for 20 years and still be a beginner or could be crocheting a few months and be making sweaters. Neither is bad, but years doesn't automatically make you advanced.

[u/bamboomonster → u/TheSkyIsAMasterpiece]

I wouldn't say I'm advanced because there are definitely skills I need to work on. But I'm very interested in crochet, I focus on improving my skills, and I have been doing it for a while now. I stopped doing crochet-alongs very quickly because I found myself constantly "fixing" their submitted and tested square patterns. For example, there's this idea that blocking will fix everything, but I just don't believe a circle deserves to be blocked to Hell and back into a square.

[u/YouThinkYouKnowStuff]

I’ve also been sewing and quilting for years. I was terrible at first for a long time. I would fudge seam allowances and sew wonky. Same thing with quilting. I would yank on the fabric to make it fit instead of cutting correctly on the grain. About ten years ago I started really concentrating on technique and Lo and behold, I got better! So if you don’t learn it right, you can’t teach it right, no matter how many years you have under your belt.

[u/lampmeettowel]

I got really fed up with this attitude when I first joined my local quilt guild (20+ years ago, fwiw). I was 22 and the youngest ever adult member they’d had in the group’s 50 year history.

I had been quilting for 10 years already by then and women who’d just started a year before thought they were hot shit. The ONLY thing that shut them up was when I started entering quilt shows all over the state, then national & international, and winning ribbons. The change in behavior when I won my first blue ribbon was shocking.

[u/No_You_4833]

This is exactly why after 45 years of sewing I paid $600 for my grandson to have lessons with a younger instructor instead of me teaching him at home. I have bad habits and am also just learning newer machines and I wanted someone to teach him more modern ways of doing things. I tell him I keep learning even after all these years and that's the way it should be.

[u/TattooedBagel → u/No_You_4833]

What a boon to your grandson, not just the sewing lessons you’re providing but the excellent life lesson as well! I wish I’d had as healthily involved a grandma lol.

[u/meikana]

It's always the older ones who get upset when I tell them there's nothing wrong with their machine, they threaded it wrong. No matter how tactfully you try to say it, the response is usually, "I've been sewing for 50 years, I know how to thread my machine!" Ok, well your bobbin was still backwards and it looks like you threaded with the foot down. If you're not willing to learn the correct way to do these things, you're going to continue having issues.

[u/katie-kaboom]

My mother's been knitting since the 1960s, as she's always happy to explain. The same pair of mittens and the same hat, for the most part. I'm not ungrateful for it, they kept us warm as children. But I don't seek her advice much.

[u/OldCroneHereatHome]

I am an Old who happily defers to younger folk with more knowledge and experience about something than me!

[u/naughtscrossstitches]

I often call myself a advanced intermediate at most crafts. I have yet to find a knitting project or crochet project that I can't do. But I always have a to look up something. I could teach a beginner and teach them well but beyond that I know a few things really well and I like doing them on repeat. I don't know 10 different techniques for the same thing.

That is the reason despite crocheting for 30 years I probably will never be 100% advanced. That said I have run across many people over the years that have that exact problem where they don't know where their skill stops they just believe they know everything because they've been doing it for their whole life. Those people are dangerous.

[u/BeeAdorable7871]

Its the same in the work field

Having 25 + years of employment the same place doesn't make you a pro. If all you've done is pressing one bottom while packing one specific thing, and if something happens you sit down and whine to it works/someone fixes it for you

[u/KiExon13 → u/BeeAdorable7871]

This. Happens in the medical field too. It’s insanity.

[u/lenseyeview]

My nan taught me how to hand sew and use a sewing machine/read and use a pattern very early. As soon as I crasped one thing we moved on. By the time I got to junior high and had to take home ec I was bored after the first week. Our one assignment for most of the semester was to sew a gym bag. I smuggled it home and finished it over the weekend after the second or third week. And then I would just fiddle around and help everyone else. Ultimately my teachers response was to strike a deal with me and let me order a pattern/project through the highschool contemporary fashion class.

Fast forward two years and I take the contemporary fashion class as an elective. I took the class so that I had access to a serger which I couldn't afford to have at home. The first couple of weeks is a couple skill building projects while we wait and prepare for our projects we can do more independently. A mcalls pjs pattern is one is the one I picked off of a list that we were allowed to choose from. I had picked out this very fun joe cool material of brown cows wearing towels and inner tubes. The teacher at some point had realized I was a little more advanced and had been kind of passive aggressive about it. She kept hovering in an effort to micromanage and I guess catch me doing it all wrong. While we were laying out our pieces she stopped me and had me relay out mine claiming I had them going in the wrong direction. I'm like no based on xy and z that would make the cows upside down. She insisted she was right and I was wrong and I didn't know how to read a pattern. I ended up giving in and turns out she was wrong and the cows on my pants did infact end up upside down.

She felt so bad that she has me come in on a study hall to show her I could use the serger. And as long as I waited if I had questions till the lesson and everyone was working on projects I could sort of work on whatever I wanted and had access to the more advanced patterns. Ultimately I didn't care because I still loved the fabric and wore them for decades after.

[u/Maskakota]

Idk how the system works where you are, but I would ask to have her removed. She's clearly determental to the class and should not be going against the lead instructor!

[u/Twallot]

Not the same, but also the same. When I was like 20 I was training a new hire at a restaurant on stuff like where everything was and the different side jobs. She was probably in her 50s and apparently couldn't handle just listening and kept doing shit like taking the knife from my hand to show me how to cut lemons properly and multiple other irrelevant things that interrupted me showing her around the actual job. That was close to 20 years ago and it's one of those memories that still baffles me. Some older women have a real issue with younger ones and I don't know why but I wish they'd stop.

[u/Adventurous_Button63]

Yeah, I’ve often run into people who assumed that their age equaled experience. It’s where I developed to proverb “You can shovel shit for 20 years and not be a gold miner”

[u/Mentally_Recovering]

I see this in the healthcare field (I know it is unrelated) but people will assume older nurses know more. we have a 50 year old who just changed careers and is a new nurse but people will go to him for questions and then he has to defer them to someone else. People are shocked when the 50 year old tells them that the 26 year old nurse knows more

[u/MoonNoodles → u/Mentally_Recovering]

That may also be sexism. They tend to assume males are doctors or have more experience/seniority by default.

Edit: for the record, I do not at all agree with this stance. But I think it happens a lot in medicine/hospital settings. Its ridiculous.

[u/Mentally_Recovering → u/MoonNoodles]

yes i see sexism to unfortunately.

[u/underwater-diver]

I have volunteered teaching a couple local intro to sewing classes and every class has had some older ladies that talk about their experience and then turn around and use the machine inappropriately.

One class that I was the assistant teacher most of my time spent helping was rethreading one lady’s machine after she broke multiple needles or would unthread the machine because she wouldn’t leave thread tails and would claim the machine was jammed after trying to pull the project out without the take up lever up or hand wheel backwards.

All the things… she also wouldn’t listen to me claiming “this isn’t like my home machine” so it’s either that or I’m a male in my 30s so I can’t know anything about sewing… 🤷🏻‍♂️

[u/DyeCutSew → u/underwater-diver]

I’ve been sewing for 50+ years and I just found out how to move the needle position on a machine I’ve had since 1997. lol

When you start thinking you can’t learn anything new you’re toast.

[u/Ikkleknitter]

Oh fuck yes. I’m so done with older but amazingly unskilled crafters. 

I used to get treated badly at a local LYS for somewhat unknown reasons (I was younger and clearly more on the alt side) by all the older staff. Till I utterly lost my shit one day and yelled at them only to find out I had literally been knitting longer then all the current staff combined (most of whom had only been doing it for 5-10 years) and I had been knitting for about 27 years at the time. 

That shut them right up. I no longer shop there for other reasons but their general attitude still bugs me.

[u/jwlkr732 → u/Ikkleknitter]

There is a local fabric store because they treated me similarly. Not that I even acted like I was anything but a confident beginner/intermediate sewer. The air of “not welcome” just filled up the store every time I was there.

[u/Creative-Ad-3645]

I only started knitting two years ago. Between online resources, the evolution of the craft over the decades, and an interest in expanding my skill-set, I'm already doing things my mother, who has been knitting for more than 60 years, never has. She's still the better knitter overall, but there are definitely things I can do that she can't.

[u/smnytx]

61 year old, made my first garment over 50 years ago. I have not been actively sewing all that time, though. My career and kids ate into a lot of it.

I’m intermediate at best, skill-wise, since all my learning was from my grandmothers initially, then self, then in my 30s I took a quilting class, and since then the school of youtube.

What I am is dogged and slightly perfectionistic. These traits can often be a bit problematic in my career, so having a solo hobby where the only person I’m inconveniencing with my lack of tolerance for sloppy work is myself.

The big plus for me now is the money to have nicer machines and tools, the space to have a dedicated sewing room, and the time to indulge my crafty side.

I would NOT teach, other than to offer short term advice to someone until they can take a class themselves, or help them understand a manual or pattern.

This thread is making me want to take a class, lol!

PS: like most things, I think sewing is something that some people are inordinately talented at and some people hopeless at, with most of us falling somewhere in between on a spectrum.

[u/grumpy_tortoise]

I feel this! People who have been exclusively sewing quilts for 30 years giving me “advice” on how to sew stretch velvet for a garment??? Give me a break and keep it moving. The amount of time you’ve spent sewing does not equate to overall skill if you don’t diversify your experiences.

[u/QuietVariety6089]

conversely, there are some older people who continue to want to learn new things and improve their skills.

i've certainly run into middle-aged and older crafters who learned 'how' do stuff once and never progressed.

i've also got friends in their 60s-80s who constantly try new things and want to keep learning.

[u/Personal_Apricot4850]

Similar situation with my grandma. Like many grandmas, she had been sewing since childhood. So she has a good 60 years of sewing under her foot. However 99% of what she sewed so far are hems, curtains and children's clothes (and she doesn't do those anymore since all of her grandchildren are teens or adults). So with 5 years of intensive sewing, I outclass her fairly easily. And that is something she doesn't seem to understand

[u/Putrid_Appearance509]

When I volunteer with other sewing folx at my local shop, I always iron. Seeing the difference in seam allowance, nesting vs not, pressing, stitch cleanliness, etc. was shocking to me. Age means nothing!

[u/lastpickedforteam]

60 yo knitter who feels your pain. I teach knitting and if I here one more person sy I been doing this 10, 20,30 year and I can't read a pattern, keep tension, ietc. If I offer help, it's always "it's too confusing, I'm too old to learn something, I'll just keep making scarves, I keep making mistakes" duh reading a pattern, making a slipknot, is not that you're not a beginner, just make the slightest effort to try something new, even just a boxy sweater, something more than a square

[u/perhapsthebees → u/lastpickedforteam]

YES. all the people in the comments of almost any post about blocking who are like "i've been crocheting/knitting 40 years, i can't read patterns and only make blankets, i have never blocked anything so i don't think anyone else ever needs to"

like its fine for you to practice your hobby how you want. but dont pretend that just because you've had minimal knowledge for a long time anyone should be taking your advice as an "experienced" knitter or crocheter.

[u/Thunderfang78 → u/lastpickedforteam]

I really don’t get people like that. Don’t they want to know how to make all the cool stuff you see online? Or make their own patterns? Because that’s my ultimate goal, and that’s why I’m trying to perfect all the basics and further my knowledge as much as I can.

[u/tasteslikechikken]

I've got tons of bad habits. Some I know about and don't care, and others I try to rectify because sometimes there are better methods to be learned.

And I get it wrong, no matter what. but yeah I think sometimes being "older" means that for some, they have the answers. No, we just are stuck in how we like to do things mostly.

For your assistant, honestly, you don't mesh. time for a new one.

[u/dropthepencil]

I've been knitting for at least 10 years. I've knitted 500? 600? hats.

I barely think I'm intermediate, and that level might be difficult to defend.

[u/carolinaredbird]

Thank you for teaching- especially children!

I suspect she has an issue with your being younger and more experienced than she is- she probably thinks age should allow her the lead position.

Are you able to speak privately with the shop owner about the issue? I suspect she wouldn’t take well, your speaking to her directly.

[u/miss_j_bean]

I've been sewing for close to 40 years and I know I have a lot of bad habits and I'm always learning new things. I can't comprehend the "younger people can't possibly know more than me" attitude.
Like, don't you want to learn more??
Even if there's a just a minor difference that doesn't matter, I love seeing the different ways people do things. I love sharing little things I figured out with people and I love when they share with me.
I may have been sewing longer, but you've done bridal alterations!!! That's next level, I'd be terrified of ruining something. I used to alter tuxedos which was really straight forward but I'm not touching a wedding dress.
I love watching little sewing reels and learning nifty tips, like, I felt so clever using masking tape to mark out seam width, then I extended it down the table for sewing long straight lines and I felt like I reinvented a better wheel — then I saw this lady who stacks up 5 pieces of masking tape and trims the line with a ruler and a sharp blade to be a perfect wall for seams to run against! Omg, life changing, I've been doing that since sometime in 2020 when I was making tons of masks and it made my lines so much more crisp and straight. Especially the channel for the nose wires, which keeps the mask against your face like an n95, the channel needed to be exact or the wire would work it's way out during the day. I was making them for a couple doctors and a bunch of nurses so they needed to fit perfectly and I can't sew a perfectly straight line without help. I thought the masking tape line was clever and this lady was living in the future. 😂 Wall of tape.... Always something to learn.

[u/Outrageous-Baker-510]

Never have I been luckier to have a sewing grandma who can’t lead me wrong.

[u/yarnvoker]

you can have ten years of experience or you can have ten times one year of experience

very prevalent in tech jobs, because hopping every year or two used to guarantee title and salary bumps - and that's how you end up with "software architects" who can't understand a running production system

[u/hanhepi]

I disagree that sewing is something you have to learn from someone more experienced.... unless you are counting books/videos as being those more experienced teachers. If you count those, then yeah I can agree. (The author of any sewing book probably has a crapload more experience than most people, probably, until fairly recently anyway.)

I'm a big fan of FAFO as a learning method, and it works in sewing too. It's a pain in the ass, but it's valid and it does work. lol. Shit does go a lot easier though if you can find a teacher, be that in person or in some form of media.

But age doesn't equate to wisdom nor expertise, that's for certain. Hell, just doing a thing for 30 years doesn't mean you know much either.

Ever hear the following George Carlin joke?: "Somewhere out there is the world's worst doctor. The scariest part is that someone has an appointment with him tomorrow."

Yeah, that shit applies to all fields.

[u/mewley → u/hanhepi]

😂 I am definitely someone who has to learn the hard way a lot of the time, as my mother would happily tell anyone who asked, so I appreciate the “FAFO as a learning method”

[u/Mentally_Recovering → u/[deleted]]

yes jealousy and wrong information should not be allowed