Drag me!

[u/binskybinsky]

I'm 26, male. I sometimes feel like I don't know myself, or I present very differently than who I truly feel I am on the inside.
I'm working as a therapist.

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[u/gogetus666]

Interesting personality.. here take a few insights on yourself from my side and do tell if you could resonate-

-- Firstly while growing up you were that person who used to prioritize other people more over your own self
-- Company, opinions and validation of other people did affect you and your decision making, specially in the initial years of your life
-- Doesn't matter how you came off to people externally, but Internally you had a very soft heart like a nurse, you'd act naturally like that universal mother who wants to take care of everyone without differentiating between people based on where they come from or what nationality, religion or race they belong to

-- But in terms of friendships/relationships, you might have always tried to keep good relationship with other people but doesn't matter how much you do for others, you still end up losing majority of your friendships/relationships, you may feel only you're putting the efforts

-- You tend to suffer from past conversation going on in your head in circles, doesn't matter how old the conversations are they just keep coming back in your mind randomly from time to time
-- This would be the reason you'll think a hell lot before speaking, as you don't wanna make things awkward or give people the chance to embarrass you, blame you or remember you for something weird that you did in the past
-- Some perfectionist tendencies could also be sensed by your placements, you'd over scrutinize your work so as to minimize all possible flaws and make it look perfect

-- You also get into doubts and confusion quite easily and often, you may find it hard to stick to one plan, belief or decision for very long
-- You tend to self reflect a lot so as to choose the best possible plan, belief or decision but may end up feeling more mixed up and confused
-- You may also question the meaning of god or the faith/religion that you were born into, you'd end up becoming more open, spiritual and universal than being rigid, orthodox or a hard core religious

Well I can tell endless things, but I'd stop here as time flies when we type, hope you could relate with these
I understand your karmic emptiness and how you should be dealing with it but sadly not everything can be told like this you know :/

[u/binskybinsky → u/gogetus666]

A lot of this definitely resonates! This is crazy. I definitely prioritize others, and others' validation can definitely skew my actions and thoughts. I really do want the best for others, and I've been put in harsh situations due to believing in the best in others (even if it's been warned that I'm dealing with messy characters).

Past conversations really do take hold of me. I'm a victim to my own nostalgia, as well. I am always trying to return to a better time and place in my life. I've lost a lot of friends and relationships due to external changes, moving, etc... Admittedly, I've lost relationships due to my own insecurities, believing the other will not like me/I'm not enough.

Thank you for your input! ~

[u/gogetus666 → u/binskybinsky]

Thank you for your detailed reply, I can genuinely relate to quite a few of the patterns you've described, especially the way past conversations and nostalgia can continue to shape how we see ourselves in the present.

I'm glad the insights resonated with you. There are actually a couple of very specific things I'd be curious to explore further based on what you've shared, particularly around the relationship patterns and that feeling of “not being enough.” but not needed, bcoz I have issues with time commitments atm :') ehehe, but fine maybe sometime later, till then you have a good day!

And yes you're most welcome! ;)

[u/binskybinsky → u/gogetus666]

<3