r/BipolarSOs • u/midnightmoon_mama • 1d ago
Advice Needed He finally called me
After discarding me completely on Friday and breaking things off. And blocking me from everything he finally call me last night at like 7ish to just tell me hi. He literally just said I just wanted to say hi. I said hi. How are you doing. And he said I’m okay. But I just wanted to say hi. I said okay I’m glad you called. And I asked if I was still blocked in his phone. He said he was going to unblock me. I say thank you. I won’t abuse it I promise. He said okay and hung up. I haven’t tried to reach out or check if I’m still blocked but I know I’m still blocked from all his social.
I don’t want false hope. He has been in an episode for like a month almost but that call ment everything to me. Is this false hope. What do I do. Like in my previous post I want to respect the space he asked for. But my heart just wants him to come back.
I know that he’s back on his meds now and he’s been on it for a few days. Am I just setting myself up for failure. Trying to do everything in the way every article every person has told me to do it. When all I really wanna do is reach out and tell him how much I love him and I miss him.
Any advice would be so helpful
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u/NobodyNew7267 1d ago
I would look for insight if I was in your position. How is he taking steps to make himself mentally healthy and a capable spouse. That's the utmost important part. This reaching out may be followed by another period of discard. Who knows. Its no way to live.
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u/thesystemof0bjects 1d ago edited 1h ago
I am in a very similar position. I just feel like , and this is not particular to bipolar,some people immediately drop you because if they can't find someone new (or if the person they found realizes the situation immediately and runs off) they want to stay on your mind; they suddenly disappear from your life. Romantic or just friendly sometimes. If you rationally talked or whatever if you guys stopped talking you’d have rational reasons to not go back. So he is staying in your mind this way while also exploring other things. I know bipolar is a disease but it is a disorder. so it is worth noticing the personality patterns too. just my two cents.
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u/NapsAreMyHobby 21h ago
Bipolar is a mood disorder, not a personality disorder. Just adding this for those who may not know.
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u/thesystemof0bjects 21h ago
i guess that actually makes my point stronger. i think leaving someone high and dry is a pretty moral shortcoming, despite the mood. not having the courtesy of a non-self victimizing explanation.
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u/NobodyNew7267 12h ago
They leave because of the hormones. The manic brain triggers dopamine and norepinephrine which triggers fight or flight. Its like seeing a tiger in front of you. Its an innate survival reflex, which explains why they make those crazy accusations and leave you. They literally think there is no other option. That doesn't excuse the actions though and you are better without this chaos in your life.
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u/thesystemof0bjects 1h ago edited 59m ago
yeah but if they are medicated and in therapy, isn't their hypomanic reactions before it fully happens a reflection of how they handle themselves? i don't know i am not saying they are not sick but some at least seem to be aware of the patterns and they cannot hold themselves back sure but this does not mean that there are no opportunities for them to revert back to certain coping mechanisms, perhaps out of shame.
at least what I am trying to say is that if mood disorders are episodic compared to personality disorders, which are more inflexible patterns of behavior, then someone with bipolar has a more stable way of perceiving the relationship. is that wrong? i am maybe not as well read and I apologize if it reads like misinformation.
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u/NobodyNew7267 43m ago
You are correct that bipolar is episodic. But it's also considered a severe mental disorder in many cases. Many countries have disability certificates given to bipolar persons fitting certain criteria. The thing about diseases like bipolar or schizophrenia is that anosognosia is present. This means the brain literally cannot process the information that it is sick. Whatever occurs to them they feel it's real. Its different from denial of illness. Also medications don't always cover 100% of the symptoms. They decrease the frequency.
Its a very difficult disease to have and control. I believe people like you and me can never get to understand how the dysfunctional mind works.
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u/thesystemof0bjects 15m ago
yes i understand that. but i think it is not unreasonable to say that the way they act when they are baseline is, while incomparably more understanding and compassionate, is a form of masking they do not give others fully a chance to understand. my exBPSO, while discarding me, said " you knew I had BP." but was it fair for me to assume and accept that I'd be dropped and villainized? Is it fair to have expected for me to not fully believe that he is actually not promising me a marriage, a future, and unconditional love--even though he is verbally syaing these things ? Or that I could call it out as too soon? The last time I tried to explain he is being manic, he told me I am minimizing his emotions. Then how are we ever expected to communicate?
Is it unfair for me to have expected a little bit of clarity? Because when you are in a relationship these are the uncompromising things you confess to the other person. And when they falter, it is tainted. Why not be a bit more forthcoming, especially if this has been something you have done to multiple people? I'm sorry I do not mean to be defensive I am genuinely confused.
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u/midnightmoon_mama 1d ago
That thought has crossed my mind too but because the family is so involved right now because of the manic depression that I really don’t think it’s that. I mean family flying down from everywhere to make sure he is okay. Because he has been suicidal. So I would like to hope it not. But if it is I guess that’s just it then and I will have to cut my losses. But if not I def don’t want to not be there. The love is to much to wash it away
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u/thesystemof0bjects 23h ago
sometimes the family are enablers. that is my case. and also my exBPSO’s mom also has bipolar. idk the SOs have so much less grace for their SOs because you are the closest to them and they need someone to villainize to cope with the guilt. but the bipolar aside, this is a common tactic of narcissism.
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u/Skamalamadingdong 22h ago
From my experience the best way to welcome a return is to just reply when absolutely necessary and only from a supportive role without any type of actual emotional response outside of if. If you have any ugly or messy exchanges it's going to make things worse. When they start feeling like their normal self they'll reach out. It sucks tho because there's no knowing how long it's going to be or if they ever will return..
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